Words Can Be Conflicting..er, I mean Confusing!

I love words. But there are certain nuisances...I mean nuances in variable..(whoops!)..I mean various verbage.
Sometimes phrases seem to use similar words but they mean something radially - I mean radically different.

Here is an example of two different men who want to share their heart-felt thoughts to their true love:
"When I look at you, time stands still."
or
"You have a face that could stop a clock."

My Dad was a grammarian. He loved our language and had a descretionery...I mean dictionery by his reading chair at all times. He had a vicious..I mean voracious appetite for learning, especially words ~ and he would never explain the meaning of a word..he would simply insist we "look it up"..

Here were a few of his hang-ups with the mis-trust, I mean mis-use of words:
Imply vs. Infer -
Imply - hint without stating directly..as in "I am trying to imply that your blog could be funnier"
Infer - to reach an opinion from facts or reasoning. as in....a blogger might infer from the above comment that they have a boring blog.

Aggrevate vs Annoy
Aggrevate - to worsen....as in.."I might have aggrevated my relationship with said blogger by telling them my opinion."
Annoy - to bother or provoke as in.."you annoy me with your silly comments about things you know nothing about!"

Anxious vs. Eager-
Anxious - Troubled; worried as in...It makes my family anxious to think there might be discourse within my readers.
Eager - having keen interest..as in..I am eager to read the next word of this fascinating epistle.

Founder vs Flounder
Founder - to fail completely..as in...He may founder at being a famous writer (vs. infamous) author.
Flounder - move with difficulty or clumsily. as in..the last person to flouder on the dance floor is Peggy.

Although this blog might have floudered just a bit..??
I am EAGER to understand what you all INFERRED from this rambling that was hopefully not ANNOYING.

Wow! That was enervating...nope...I mean energizing!

My kind of "Opening Day"

When the people of Cincinnati think OPENING DAY...
they conjure up pictures of a warm day in April, watching the first pitch being thrown out (by our illustrious President), hearing the crack of the bat at the Cincinnati Reds' Great American Ball Park. They think of the a pre-game wild celebration parade that puts the pseudo-leprechauns' party ways on March 17 to shame.
The smell of brats, popcorn, peanuts and stale beer is enticing the Reds' fans like American Idol to teenagers.

BUT..
MY Opening day is...TODAY! The CONE in West Chester opened at 11:30 a.m. and I just missed being the first customer by 212 ice-cream loving patrons who have been counting down the days when The Cone would re-opened. I met my Nephew's wife and 5 year old son there and we were all giddy as school kids (oh, Griffin IS a school kid), trying to decide which one of their 4576 flavors and various sundaes, sodas, shakes, flavored ice we should choose. Watching Griffin grin as he was spooning in his orange and vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles on the vanilla and rainbow sprinkles on the orange, was better than watching Barry Larkin hit four bases-loaded home runs against Pittsburgh.

Ah, my Opening Day..with the sweet smell of hot fudge.

Restaurant thoughts

I remember going to nice restaurants when I was just knee high to a very large grasshopper. My parents wanted to give my brother and myself exposure to the "ultimate dining experience" plus they couldn't afford a babysitter AND go out to dinner by themselves. (back then we didn't eat much...but that fact was rectified BIG TIME in later years!) Besides, "fast-food" restaurants didn't exist then! (exept our beloved White Castles)
I remember the very formal tuxedo-clad waiter offering French Onion soup...and I couldn't understand for the life of me the difference in a French onion from an American one. And why put it in a soup anyway?

Years ago you had 3 salad dressing from which to choose: Oil & Vinegar; bleu cheese and thousand island. Now, all eating establishments offer a house salad (which is a combination of the previously mentioned dressings); a balsmic vinegrette (oil & vinegar); gorganzola chees that is basically bleu cheese with a higher price tag, sweet & sour this; and peppercorn that, etc. Then they give you 3 lettuce leaves and 21 little tiny vegetables that one cannot recognize, all mixed with the other non-definable greens of some kind.

Lately I keep hearing the term "fresh sun-dried tomatoes" as some fancy perk on the side of the dish or on a salad...when I ask on the server where they would get such an item when it has been overcast and raining for the past 23 days, they kinda look at me funny.

And did you know that scrod is not an actual fish? It is a fisherman's term for the first (white fish) catch of the day thrown from the boat...It can be perch or cod or any white fish...so when a server tells me their scrod is the best in town ~I wonder..

Lobster..my two nieces-in-law (see picture above..aren't they cute?) can eat 32 pounds of lobster or crab legs at one sitting without blinking an eye. Although everyone around them is blinking, as the discarded shells are flying fast and furious so everyone within 40 feet in the restaurant has to duck for cover as they demolish the carcasses. But lobster is the Rumke of the sea-world. They are bottom feeders and eat anything and everything rejected and abandoned (I looked "discard" up in the thesaurus.) Yum. I've always thought that it's just the butter that people like. Put the same amount of butter on a carrot stick, charge $21.00/pound and I'm guessing we have a treat to stand in line for ~ or at least where nice clothes to enjoy it and pay someone 20% to lay it in front of you.

Why is it that lately the fancy restaurants are serving your meal on a plate with of unidentifiable colored sprinkles around the sides? Is the food not pretty enough that someone got the idea to decorate it like a 3 year old's coloring book? Personally, I believe some chef accidentaly spilled some extra spices on a plate at a fancy function once and it "caught on".

My friends get upset with me when we go out and I start to stack the dishes. I guess it is ingrained in me to be "Mommy's little helper". What the heck is the difference since the busboy is going to do the same thing behind the ornate fabric-covered walls where there is a similar disgusting, noisy, disorganized kitchen that we all enjoy at home?

Give me the Waffle House any day. They don't care if I stack the dishes and they have food on the menu I can pronouce.

Sorry, I'm a customer service rep so I can't help you!

THIS IS CRAZY! We are relying WAY too much on computers! I just called a company that automatically sends me their product every month. I just wanted to request that they suspend the normal auto-shipment for this month as I have more than I can handle right now.
First of all, I was on hold with their monotonous sterile message claiming "Your call is important to us..all representatives are serving other customers..please stay on the line and the next available representative will solve the world's problems; deliver Osama Bin Looney; find a diet that allows one to eat 5 pizzas a day and look like a run-way model..oh, and also manage to achieve world peace."

SO, I waited for this faceless service representative who wears an "S" on their shirt...10 minutes later, a not-so-cheery Super Rep (SR) answers, "How can I help you?"

OP (Optimistic Peggy) - "Oh, I have an easy one...I just need my normal auto-ship product to be held for the month of April."

SR: "Oh, I'm sorry (oh,really?) but our system is down so you'll have to call back later when it is back up."

IM (Irritated Me)- "When do you estimate that might happen?"

SR - "Dunno"..

IM - "How about if you just write down my name and account number and input it when it gets back up?"

SR - "How would I do that? Our computer system is down!" (like I either didn't HEAR her or I didn't UNDERSTAND her?)

IM - "So, let me understand the gravity of this situation...you have a computer system that is down and you have no idea when it will be operational...I was on hold for 10 minutes to procure assistance from a customer SERVICE representative..and now you suggest I call back..but don't know when...and be placed on hold again...and maybe not be helped again if the computer isn't fixed...all because you can't possibly WRITE DOWN my information?"

SR - "yup"

SIGH..WELL, maybe I don't need the product this particular company usually sends to me every month......
MOTIVATIONAL TAPES TO KEEP YOUR CUSTOMERS SATISFIED AT ALL COSTS

There is nothing like a comfortable couch!

I was watching a rented video yesterday called Just Like Heaven ~ which was a pretty good (chick) flick..I'll give it a 7.5 on scale of 1-10. This guy is attempting to rent a furnished apartment in San Francisco and the only thing he is interested in is the COUCH. He is recovering from the loss of his wife and he just wants to "veg-out".
This gave me pause to think about how I've felt about the couches that I have owned. Right now I am lucky enough to own three couches that have 3 separate and distinct (is that redundant..or repetitive?) personalities. But my favorite is the one in the lower level that has this smooth, soft micro-fiber feel and it is "L" shaped...having 3 places that kick a foot rest up for a real treat to the feet. It kinda cradles you as you sit back in it..almost a nurturing hug. And whether one person or 5 people are on the couch, it is comfortable and an encourages more intimate conversations. (like, "what were you doing when you lost your first tooth?")
Whether I want to read, watch TV, take a nap, the couch's entire existence is to be my relaxation slave..being good to me..what else can you say that about??

So many people try to get a good "deal" on couches and beds...spending as little as possible....buying ON SALE and not spending the time to become "one with your couch or bed". But if you're going to spend 1/3 of your life in bed and the other 2/3 on a couch, spend twice as much on the couch as the bed. My theory only.

Just give me a band aid!

I almost had a nervous breakdown in the first aid aisle at Krogers grocery store the other day. I went into the Pharmacy department to acquire an assortment box of band aids. I just wanted ONE box of different sizes band aids! That's all. That box would probably last me about 10 years worth of cuts, is my guess.
As I gazed upon the 5' X 15' jammed-packed shelves of various band-aid products, I felt like I was Alice in Alice in Wonderland when she fell down the hole...
the choices that I had were monumental ~ for one box of band-aids!!

Did I want: anti-biotic or not? Multi-color, flesh tone or sheer? Did I need advanced healing or normal slow healing? Did I want butterfly? Small, Medium, large, extra-large or gigundous?
Was I in the market for: flexible fabric; spot band-aids; knuckle-finger-tip; tough strips (vs. weak, flimsy strips I guess); blister (with or without cushions)...
maybe I wanted a liquid bandage (I couldn't figure out if I was supposed to DRINK it to relieve the pain?)
oh, then....eeeee gaaaads!
THE KIDS SECTION!
MORE CHOICES!
Hurt-free, non-stick (teflon coated,maybe?) band-aids (why is this only in the KIDS section? Shouldn't ALL of these products tout HURT-FREE??);
Our little ones who need a band-aid can be soothed by Batman, SpongeBob, or Scooby-doo to help dry the tears of a boo-boo; or maybe Dora the Explorer or Barbie or Care Bear can help ~ and we cannot forget we have Spiderman and Sesame Street characters to distract the pain!

At this point I was starting to hyper-ventilate over all the choices that I had. I was shaking from head to toe...the pharmacist happened to notice me as I was gasping audibly and apparently distracting other calmer customers. I found him rather rude when he asked if I was waiting for an anxiety medication prescription to be filled.
That remark slapped me into shape and I proceeded to calmly grab the first roll of gauze and tape I could find, headed for the wine department, paid for my purchases and drove home...all the while promising myself I would be very careful around the house not to need any kind of first aid. Although I keep thinking back that Scooby-doo would look kinda cute on my arm...

One Lousy Day

When one says they have a bad day, I always think, "Compared to what?"
Compared to what the people in foreign countries are going though with the threat of bombs ripping there homes apart? Compared to the victims of earthquakes, hurricanes, flooding and mudslides? I think I get this attitude from my Mother (yep, get out the amateur psychologist manual)...........when I would balk at eating my lima beans, she would lay the GUILT on me by saying "The starving children in Africa would lOVE those lima beans!" Well, first of all, I was 5 years old and I didn't know where Michigan was, not to mention Africa! I had never seen someone starving, so in my reality...it didn't exisit. My world consisted of whether I would get to see Howdy Doody or not...and what time my Dad was coming home from work and whether my brother would let me play "war" with his toy soldiers or not.
If I were "blogging" then...those would be my subjects and my limit to a bad day would include the loss of those privileges.

As an adult, my bad day yesterday consisted of:
Finding my car had a flat tire as I was racing out the door to go to a Doctor's appointment to see if they can find why I have been sick for 3 months..
Finally getting to the Doctor to only be stuck by the needle of Doctor Dracula for the 4th time to "run just ONE more blood profile".
then getting a call from my accountant to tell me I shouldn't have bought that new car last February....and that if I sell it I MIGHT have enough to cover my tax bill.

But all that pales in comparison to the call I got from my nephew's 6 month pregnant wife, Annie (she multi-tasks as one of my best friends) to tell me she is taking their 5 year old, Griffin, to the hospital due to a high fever...(I don't recall the exact temperature because anything over 98 degrees is going to be 156 degrees in my mind)
Of course, I react calmly...(HA!...I had the Irish whiskey off the shelf and, of course, I would forego the use of a glass). Frustration is knowing since my illness has not been definitively diagnosed, I should not be around a pregnant woman or vulnerable children so I had to wait it out...in the comfort of my home.
Waiting for the word on an ill loved-one or the results of a medical test is a killer...it should rank among the top stressors of all....

I called Annie's cell phone abut 64 times, thinking she could put me on speaker phone so I could help the Doctors make their diagnosis. Thank God, Griffin is ok...his temperature near normal..
but he's got a strep throat. That can be managed..

Todayis another day...
I'm off to pick up my car from the shop...and ~ at least I have the money to pay my taxes..and I'm sure I just have a bad case of the flu...and my family is healthy again. Life is God...whoops...I meant GOOD ..must have been a blessed slip of my typing talents,eh?

Erasers can be handy at tax time

Ah, to be a kid again and use pencils with big, fat erasers at the tip...I could just erase my mistakes away, never to be seen again. When I was in grade school, I was an eraser freak (as opposed to what I am now....a "Blogger" freak..and please, no comments as to what other adjective you can think of in the "freak catagory).

I used to love the brand-new, crisply sharpened pencils with their clean, never-marked, eraser. Once the eraser tip got dark smudges on it, I would be hunting for the next clean mistake-evaporator.

I would get those little eraser nubbies all over my paper-work and at the end of the day, there was a pile of little eraser dandruff looking up at me from beneath my desk.
I felt a glow of accomplishment if the pile reached the top of my shoe.

Back then, making a mistake on paper was easily rectifiable..no big deal..use a little wrist action with the pencil eraser and life if good....a rare ability to start fresh....with a "clean slate" as it were. Boy, oh, boy..wouldn't I love to do that in real life?

If you read my blog from a couple of weeks ago, you would note that I was in ecstasy heaven when I discovered the magic of the Mr. Clean eraser. I used that puppy on every white wall between here and the river.
And those new Tide erase sticks! I couldn't wait to spill something on my white blouses! I felt like I had been "beamed-up, Scotty"!

In adult-hood I have found I long for more magic like our friend, the eraser.

If I had a magic eraser, I would erase:
Wars....hunger...homelessness.....violence...greed....broken hearts...the last 3 touchdowns that Pittsburgh scored against the Bengals....the mortgage....Osama Bin Loony-tune;....beauty pagents....cleft palates.....beets....any hurt that I caused anyone......
and maybe just a couple of zeroes from the total tax bill I owe this year.

I Have a Lot in Common with the Amish

Amish people seem to be widely misunderstood. (Most people don't understand ME, either!) Of course, we all seem to believe tha that anyone who is "different" than we are MUST be weird, strage or crazy. When I lived near Boston, I visited an Amish community and gained a bit more of an understanding and appreciation of their lifestyle. Many of their beliefs and methods make sense when scrutinized.

They are a descendants of the Mennonites, who are in turn, a descendant of the Catholic religion. (I can tell that because the Amish have different rules depending upon the community itself. Some allow for the use of a 12 volt battery or basic generators or phones if they are outside the house....some have even split with their community over arguing the width of a man's hat brim!)

Being raised Catholic I rather understand why some would separate from their teachings. And the whole non-technology use that they believe in, I can work with.
I certainly am technologically-challenged, needing assistance with turning on my hair-dryer ~ or a light switch..and trying to keep track of all the remotes for my numerous TV's and video contraptions is beyond my grasp of understanding. Using the microwave is like learning how to fly a 747, ..so I just eat fruits and veggies. (Or swing by McDonalds for a tasty, healthy treat)

Their views on dressing simply to avoid attention would be easy enough for me to implement. My clothes right now are like a uniform, in that I wear the same thing that is comfortable again and again....and no one ever compliments me on my style of clothes....so they must not call much attention to me. A friend of mine who married an Amish man, said she couldn't abide wearing the "coffee filters" on her head (HER words,not mine) ~ black "prayer hat" if you're single and white if you're married. Black is an ok color for me so I wouldn't mind.


The only trouble I might have is with the transportation issue. I'm not good with horses. One kicked me in the side when I was 13 years old and two weeks later I suffered a burst appendix and was given the last rights (The Catholics changed the name of that like they change everything else..it is now the "Sacrament of the Sick".)
I've been skiddish of horses ever since. Maybe I could get a team of dogs to pull my buggy...I'd need no oil changes or tire rotations...just a ton of dog food.
I DO like and rely on my car...it gets me where I want to go pretty quickly ~ like to the movie theater..only 10 minutes by car...about 6 hours by buggy. And I don't think I would be allowed to go in (the electricity thing).


One of the biggest reasons that I can relate to the The Amish ~ their members don't believe in vaccinations and isn't it interesting that their children (they average 7 per family due to no allowance of any birth control) have NO AUTISM!
Could that be a coincidence? With over 200,000 Amish in this country?

Of course, I want it all...all the comforts of electriciy ~ and the handy communications with my cell phones and computer emails...the useful zippers, velcro and buttons that I take for granted. But I have an admiration for people who value their religion and family to the point of heavy-duty denial of modern conveniences.

I am now going to eat my microwaved popcorn in front of my 50" TV and watch a rented movie on my DVD player while ironing my new purchase (on sale) royal blue slacks with a zipper.

Here, Kitty KItty...let me show you the door...

Cat lovers unite! But not in MY house! I get conned (whoops, I mean PURSUADED) to care for a friend's cat when they travel annually to Mexico for three weeks. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not a total un-feline person. If the cat is a kitten and at someone else's house and they are playing with the obligatory string...I laugh until my dentures fall out. But grown cats and their shedding of hair is obnoxious at best.

Cat owners think that cats are "mysterious" and those whackos who own more than one of these dreaded animals think they each have their "own, unique personality". I don't know about you, but I've never heard a cat tell a good joke, or ask me how my day went..or even do well at charades. The only mysterious thing about cats is how they know to "do their business" in the sand...So,what do outside cats do? Do they all migrate to the coastal beaches? And that's another thing..you never see cats on the beach so is it the sand that makes them "eliminate" or is the animal easily hypnotized to step on granules of sand for relief?
Can you imagine the condition of our beaches if humans did that??

Hairballs is another interesting phenomenon with cats. Is there any other animal that coughs up it's own hair ...in a BALL? When no one is looking do you think they get together with other cats and play a little one-on-one? Maybe try their paws at putting with it? UGH!

And the infernal MEOW-ing and rubbing of their furry bodies against my newly dry-cleaned slacks. It's a dern amusement park, for sure! Fun, Fun!

Next visit, I will again, have to have my carpets, furniture and clothes cleaned..I will have to fumigate the house from the odors left behind..and I will have to un-clog the vacuum cleaner attachments.

At least when my friends returned from Mexico, they brought me a thank-you t-shirt. It had the cutest picture of a Mexican kitten on the front and it said, "Hug a Cat Care-Giver" ..
would that be before I cleaned up the hair ball or after?
Everyone should own a dog.

Give me a LITTLE credit, for gosh sakes!

Everyone knows that finance charges occur when one does not pay the balance on their credit card. But I just learned this little known fact after 55 years. The credit card companies have been sending me cards left and right (ok, not really left and right..just in my mailbox which is near the driveway)..and then they send me checks to write against my account and they claim I can spend as much money as I want and I'll be charged 0% interest!! WOW! a FREE loan?? Christmas every day! I thought "how nice of this big company to do this for lil ole me! I must be special! Sometimes they do charge a LITTLE interest for 6 months...maybe 3-5%..still great stuff! Because of my new best friends with the credit card companies, I have bought a new car; new TV; camera; airline tickets to Europe for the family;re-enrolled in college to get my Masters degree;..I TRIED to buy a new house but I guess that put me a LITTLE over the "limit". Bummer.

THEN I awakened from my land of lala. I noticed that the formerly low, low interst rates shot WAY up..
Maybe they wanted me to help build each home office a new wing somehow with my interest contributions. I also saw that two cards had an annual fee. What? I'm going to pay $35.00 for the PRIVILEGE?? to carry their card so they can bankrupt me with their HIGHER than Joe Cocker finance charges? GRRRRRRR...

Of course, I put on my best "Nanny" tee shirt to get in the mood of intolerance to anything but what I wanted to achieve...and I started dialing. Out of the 4 credit card companies that I contacted, the two with annual fees dismissed the fee upon hearing that I wanted to cancel my card. (I've never been called "Miss Murphy in such a sweet way since the restaurant manager asked me not to sue when I found a finger in my chili) Three of the four consumer-friendly companies lowered their ridiculous finance charges 3+ points or more (one lowered the rate 7 points) and the other one...well, let's just say I don't carry THAT particular card anymore.
Then I called my cable company and cellular phone company continuing with my threatening attitude to have them comply with my demands..or as a Jerry Springer guest once said, "I gave them a verbatim"
What a great day I had! Power surged thru every cell...
now I have to figure out how to pay off the balance of these fool cards so I don't even care what the finance charges are!
Goodbye Home Shopping Network!

I Forget the Subject of This Blog

Ah! MEMORY PROBLEMS!
When I awakened this morning I had an entirely different idea as to what I was going to "blog" about...(is blog a verb?)
Two hours later, I have no idea what that subject was.

I guess I could make a million excuses (don't we love hyperbole?) but in fact, I sometimes have a bad memory. And THAT, my friends/relatives/acquaintances and strangers, is an excuse in and of itself. When we don't pay attention to someone's looooong drawn-out stories (Brian) and then later have no clue as to what was said, we can always say, "See? I told you I had a bad memory!"

Yet, I get the most frustrated when someone doesn't remember some pearls of wisdom that I droned on about.

Oh, the insight I am illuminated with! Thank you, Lord!
(Oh, I remember now...I was going to talk about CATS...I'll bet you can't wait for that one!)

Skinny "Something"

Who hasn't started a diet...er, I mean new healthy "eating plan"? (I guess I can't say DIET because the first three letters are DIE...at least that's what the manual of the $99.00 "eating plan" says)
I've started at least 210 new "eating plans" in my 55 years on this earth. (do the math..that is about 2/year!) If the weight I lost was coal, we could keep half of Alaska warm for 30 days. If you count the weight I gained back, Alaska heats up for all 12 months.

Ok, so now I am trying no gimmicks like the all grapefruit diet; the all milk dud diet; the liquid diet (I almost killed 3 friends and a cat on that one!). I am just countinig calories and exercising. What a new concept!

So, the good news is...I've lost my first 5 pounds. I can't see a difference anywhere important on my body (even though I know that 5 lbs. is significant..at least when I pick up a 5 lb. bag of potatoes!)
I was so excited about losing the "bag of potatoes" that I confided in a (formerly) close friend ~ her response was so encouraging (NOT) when she said, "Well, you know the first loss is water weight!"
Don't you think a person with 210 diets under their belt (giggle..that was funny!) would know about the well-known "water weight loss"???....she could have been a little more encouraging!

Well, I DO see one bit of difference....in my fingers. My rings are spinning. Great..do you think anyone will notice that? My fingers,toes and ears are probably the ONLY part of my body that does NOT need slimming down. And those are the areas the "water-weight loss" decided to attack on first. Trust me, if I wore clip-on earrings, I guarantee that they would start to fall off. My socks even seem roomier now. Will anyone notice??? Like with my..er, other parts that MATTER?..nothing! ZIP, NADA, ZERO... Can't the sluffing fat SEE where the heck I want it to fall first?
I wish I could have a priority wish list as to which part of the anatomy gets trimmed first. I KNOW it's not going to be my targeted areas first!

OH, Peggy...deep breath..calm down...I think I'll go munch on a celery stalk...without cheese,
and hope I don't lose my rings, earrings or socks.

Petticoat Junction

We are having a little girl addition to the Murphy Family in June. Between the many relatives and friends who have already purchased little frilly dresses, jumpers and shoes (all PINK) you won't find much now at our local Babies 'R Us. It seems like everything I see now has a sweet, feminine ruffle to it. Even the bag of Broccoli that I bought last week has a foo-foo name - "florets"...I am eating "Florets!"
Annie (the future Mom of the new female addition) has made it clear that she will not allow any diaper showing on her newborn when she wears her dresses ~ and that is ALL she is allowed to wear!...So, all garments must include a cute ruffled bloomer or petticoat.
I can remember wearing those fool things ~ maybe we should bring them back for adults? What do you think, ladies? Want to feel like you have a terminal case of poisen ivy again? (I know they don't scratch like they did in the dark ages of my youth)
I'm going to eat a broccoli "floret" now.

I'm Living On A "Remote" Island

I am remote "challenged". Even if the remote has two buttons, I will push the wrong one. I have a MINIMUM of 15 remotes around this house serving 7 TV's, many video recorders-type units, numerous ceiling fans, fireplaces and a video camera. My car even has a remote start to it that I've never learned to use. In fact, I can't work any of them effectively. The fact that I have so many electronics around here is scary. I dream that they might all come alive because they have been thrown in frustration so many times. They then all line up and all my electronics start up simultaneously. This is crazy. There should be a "Remote School" for us technically challenged idiots.
I tried to return to my childhood days of getting up from the couch to change the TV station at the TV, but I can't find the dial there! The string to the ceiling fan has long-ago been ripped down and well.....maybe the 21st century electronic inventions and Margaret Mary just don't mesh well.
Whoops..time for dinner. After dinner, I will put the remains in the garbage disposal or trash compacter but first, I have to go microwave it...I know how to do that!

I'm Cleaning Up My Act!

I dry my hair every morning, sitting on my bed ~ and staring at the same dirt mark on the white wall that I have stared at for years. When one has white or near-white walls throughout the house, one gets used to seeing marks on the wall. It's almost like someone in prison who "marks their time" on the wall...only there are little marks in EVERY ROOM! There now exist little hand prints (they are actually kinda cute) and scuff marks on the walls from people going downstairs to the lower level who don't know how to not bump into a wall.
So, I finally decided to do something aboutall these marks. Enough is enough! I went to the cupboard and found a present my nephew, Sean Michael, had left when he lived here for a short while. Mr. Clean Magic Eraser! This little eraser is supreme! I was running around the house like a mad woman...almost possessed... erasing marks that I had ignored for many, many moons. Every room in the house is now Mr. Cleaned! I even went to the garage walls...now they are as clean as the proverbial whistle!
Then I couldn't be stopped....I dropped in on 12 of my neighbors and cleaned THEIR walls. Oh, it was so invigorating! Everyone was so overwhelmed! No one really acted like they wanted me there but I'm sure they were just embarrassed that their walls were so dirty like mine had been.
I took it with me when I went out to breakfast and I'm CERTAIN the management at Frisches were impressed with how it worked. They kept shaking their heads in amazement...at least I THINK that's why they were shaking their heads!
Be careful how you use Mr. Clean, because it can become addictive. I'm writing this from a very white room in a strange part of a hospital that a nice policeman took me to when the management of Walmart called him over to see the great job I had done on the walls at the Sporting Goods section. He told me the place that would REALLY appreciate my good deed, that had a LOT of white walls was this hospital! I think the staff here can't believe how well Mr. Clean works as they too are all shaking their heads in disbelief. At least they took off the funny, restrictive coat they had on me so I could write to you all about this product. I wonder if I could do a commercial? I wonder if I'll ever get out of here?

Exercising My Rights

Ok, today marks the day. Today I start really exercising...tomorrow I may be in the hospital. I talked with a friend of mine who endured a surprise 50th birthday party and she had to attend her own party with quite a boo-boo on her chin. She had fallen off her treadmill the week prior! She kinda went bumpity-bump like a cartoon character and has been suffering the ridicule (and bruising) ever since.
The last time I seriously worked the stair climber, I tore the ligament in my ankle so badly, I had to have surgery and the ankle has never been the same since then. Whenever I start a shape-up program, I tear my shoulder, or my back goes out or I get the hiccoughs. Do you think I just don't want to do this??
Well, I'm doing it this time for sure, whether my insurance rates go up or not..I want to be able to play with my 3 (soon to be 4) great-little ones. Yesterday I was at a playground with 5 year old Griffin and he wanted me to go down the slide....HA! He would have had a better chance if he had asked me to enter a couch-sitting contest. My nephew Sean is challenging me to a ping-pong match and I will accept this challenge....in June..
My other nephew Brian has been working out successfully for the past 3 months and has inspired me.
So now I am dusting off the Richard Simmons' DANCING TO THE OLDIES tapes and starting my deep breathing with stretchy-band things to tone. I am going to soon be the Biggest Loser!
Anyone want to challenge me? (other than my insurance agent?)
Stay tuned!

And The Oscar For Best Picture Goes to -

Don't you agree this should be best picture of the year? Brothers are We was released April1, 2005...and apparently the producers are coming out with a sequel in June called Brothers Terrorize Their Baby Sister. I believe they have enlisted the same director and the stage hands are ready in the wings. I have seen this picture 125 times and never fail to laugh, cry, and experience every emotion known to woman, including the proverbial head-shake of disbelief. To this critic, it seems as though the picture is a miracle. I can't wait to see this one in person!

Love means never having to say you're Sorry???

Oh, dear. Oh, gosh oh gollee. Oh, what a goofball I can be from time to time.
I said the words that I have always dreaded from others:
"SO, WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD FROM YOU FOR A WHILE? IS YOUR HAND BROKEN? CAN YOU NOT SPARE A 3 MINUTE PHONE CALL TO TALK WITH A FRIEND? ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE?"
Ok, I didn't say all those things but I think I said something that could have been construed as almost as bad.
It turned out that she had been battling a huge problem on her family home front and was up to her eyelashes with trying to help her son thru quite a challenging "situation"...and here I am calling to put her on a guilt trip. No wonder I hadn't heard from her!
I used to have some grief given to me by my Mom, when on occasion, she would get on my case for not writing or calling enough when I was in college or living in Boston. My mature response was, "Love means never having to say you're sorry".....I always liked using trite phrases to suit me when it was in my better interest to do so. I would also tell her that if she started a conversation chastising me for something, it was a waste of time and also didn't encourage me to call again anytime soon. Who wants to get blasted in the first few minutes of a conversation??
So, it wa a good lesson for me. Life doesn't revolve TOTALLY around me.
And I have no trouble saying, "I'm sorry"..

Simon Says: Put your Hand Over your Mouth

Simon Says is such a fun game, if you have a fun group who is ready to play.

Yesterday I was to address a group from The Council on Aging, a group of 385 people who had been bored to pieces for the previous 3 hours tolerating the subject of Understanding Regulations That Will Affect Senior Citizens and The Health Care Industry. They were still eating lunch when I was shoved up to the podium to "lighten their load" for an hour with my witty, clever banter about injecting light-heartedness into the lives of their fellow-workers and "senior-citizen" clients. I think they were still digesting their food when my nephew Sean interrupted my speech to play Simon Says. (yes, this was planned..he isn't THAT much of a microphone hog!). Thanks heavens we had the right SIMON leading this group. I didn't exactly have the audience eating from my hand (since they already had a plate full of food) with my first 15 minutes.....and I welcomed the playfulnes that Sean brought forth to the group. After his fun, energetic 5 minute game, the crowd was soooo much more lively! Yippee!
The whole point of my talk was that we can all benefit from" lightening up"and even allowing the child within to come out and play.
The average 5 year old laughs 400 times a day. The average 35 year old laughs 15 times a day.
What happened to the other 385 laughs? and if a 35 year old only laughs 15x/day....how about an 80 year old??
I think the group had quite a giggle with our silly little game...and then they were more receptive to the second half of my talk. We went on to share other ways to spread fun throughout the day. Like maybe give a lottery ticket to a grocery check-out clerk and thank her for her standing on her feet all day. Or maybe, give $1.00 tip to the bus boy who works hard at the restaurant with NO positive feedback.
Or write a funny note to your mail carrier, thanking them for not losing your mail.
Get out on that playground yourself today. It's a nice day to smile.