The Wheels On The Bus Go Round and Round....

Have you noticed that school has started? There are just a FEW clues...and they all begin with the word BUS.
It doesn't matter when I leave my surburban, middle class neighborhood, the yellow,
50-seat child taxis are EVERYWHERE. There is no out-foxing them. I can try to scoot out of my driveway at 6 a.m., 7:40 a.m...8:18 a.m., 9:25 a.m. but there they are...with their lights flashing and an ominous STOP sign craned to the side.
These 80 foot vehicles stop every 38 feet to pick up just ONE more tow-head, boarding with an over-sized Superman back-pack and Barbie lunch box (whoops..USUALLY not the same child).
I can remember "the good old days", when I said to myself, "I will never NEVER use the expression "good old days".
(This won't be the first time I've broken one of my own antique promises.)
Any student (WAY back then) taking a bus would have to live more than 5 miles from the school or show the principal either your broken bicycle or in-operable roller skates.

The bus would only slow to a slight halt as a challenge to boarding. The "stop" was the corner that was at least 5 blocks away. You never saw what I have seen during these past two inaugural weeks of the start of school. Parents are driving to the bus stop to see little Johnnie off! Some are even shooting a video, complete with lights and cue cards, (some just hire a videographer) filming Junior climbing the stairs to his air-conditioned bus. (complete with surround sound, captain chairs and a bus-line attendant serving gummie bears & kool-aid)

Oh, that reminds me....may I have a side-bar for a moment?
THIS STORY IS THE TRUTH..NO JOKE..I"M SERIOUS!

The other day I was in a Doctor's office waiting room and a typical 10 year old "Johnnie" was there with his nagging Mother. She was rifling through his Super-hero back-pack and she found his reading assignment. She said, "Little Johnnie, it says here that you have to read a bibliography in the next two weeks. I don't think Star Wars will count"!
He responds with a bratty little exasperated sigh, "so, what's a bibliography"?
She explains with full authority, "you know...it's a..well, it's a story written about the life of a person."

(I'm thinking.."did I hear her right? Isn't that a BIOGRAPHY?")

To make matter worse and much harder for me to control my gales of stifled laughter, she went on to ask him who he wanted to read about for his Bibliography...and rattled off, to his dis-interest, about 45 people living and dead. I was so grateful when "tortured Johnnie" was called into the Doctor's office (followed by his Mother mumbling, "What about George Harrison?").

Well, I'm off to meet my great-nephew Griffin's school bus. It's a treat, actually, because I only get to do it once in a while ~ and I love seeing the little guy.
Thank heavens they drop him off right in front of the house! I can sit in the driveway and do crossword puzzles while I wait.

Today I will leave my video camera at home. He says it embarrasses him.

A Picture Is Worth...Whatever

I just read an article about news anchor Katie Couric. It "appears" that a magazine photo editor got a little zealous in his altering of Katie's picture that was taken for an article. He made her look 20 pounds thinner by using an "air-brush" technique. She claims she liked the "before" picture better as there is more of her to love.
Yeah, right....what woman wouldn't want to look 20 pounds thinner? ...Take the likes of Laura Boyle and Nicole Richie, who together might have to be thrown back in the lake if caught.
Do you think the photo editor didn't like Katie's figure? Will they sell more magazines if she looks like she and Richard Simmons are best friends?

After seeing the movie, "Devil Wears Prada", it made me think that there is another world out there in New York and California. Then I woke up from my dream and realized that this thought process is prevelant everywhere.
A new store opened here locally in Cincinnati called Beauty is Important.
I did a double-take when I saw it. I guess they never heard the saying "Beauty is only skin deep".

At any rate, maybe I'll stop in and visit them. They may have air brushes on sale.

Some Dirt is a Mystery

I don't understand why we need to wash our towels. If I just took a shower and soaped up and rinsed off, then why should the towel that I dab myself dry with need to be washed? This question has perplexed my for years. It's a mystery.

Another ponderance...why does the inside top of my washing machine get dirty? I don't mean "dust-dirty", but "need-to-use-soap-to-clean-it" dirty. How can semi-dirty clothes create a dirt event. (let's face it, I don't work as a landscaper and I'm too prissy to perspire, so my clothes hardly get soiled)
Maybe someone sneaks into the house to put dirt and crud on the inside lid of the washer? It's a mystery.

Why do we bother washing our hands at a public restroom and then use our freshly washed hands to open a germ-infested door? It's a mystery.

Why do we shake hands with people? I believe that greeting dates back to the old days when everyone lived in the land of mis-trust and shook hands to ensure that the other person didn't have a gun. Hmmmm..I guess that one is not such a mystery these days.

No Answers from the Answering Machine

Did you ever analyze what Answering Machines really do?
They are supposed to answer-the-ring...but in fact, there are no answers given. When I get one of those fun, clever messages like, "not here..you know what to do"...I have received absolutely NO answers as to where my intended communicatee is...when will they return? How can I reach them now, when I want to talk? What are they doing now? Can they loan me the money or not??

These units should be officially called "entertainment machines". They must give some jollies to the person who owns them. They can leave a sarcastic recording saying, "hey, if you're a bill collector, don't call back...and if you found my pet snake, you can keep it, if you're my Mother-in-law, we moved..everyone else can leave a message."
Or...my favorite is when a small child who can barely mumble leaves a cutesy message about her parents being busy and she's not allowed to disturb them.


The other side of the "entertainment value" is when the owner of this favorite toy comes home and listens to the ramblings of frustrated callers (of course, this is assuming that said person has not already heard the message by screening the call!)

I, personally, like to use up the entire time by chattng on and on. I suppose I figure that is divine retribution for not picking up the phone then and there. My Dad, on the other hand, would leave the most cryptic words, "Call your Father."
My brother would say, "Peg, call me as soon as you can..it's important." There was nothing Dave ever said that WASN'T important..to HIM.
But I would panic (my nature) and think something was wrong and I was needed to change into my cape with the "S" on it to swoop in and save the day. Most of the time, he wanted to tell me his latest review of the last movie he saw.

I'm going to go change all my answering mach...whoops....ENTERTAINMENT machines messages to something clever and glib. Maybe I'll sing my message. Maybe I'll buy one of those pre-recorded celebrities telling people how very busy and in demand I am.

Call me!

Find a Bail Bondsman!

How can we possibly know ALL the laws of our wonderful land?
Here are some legalities we should all be aware of when in Ohio.

A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him.....wouldn't you love a video of that?


• Breast feeding is not allowed in public. What about newborn animals? Keep them in the house, I guess.

• Cars are not allowed to scare horses in Centerville, Ohio. ....Just ride your horse around 675 and avoid Centerville, if they are going to be like that!


• Cleveland: It's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license!....so, that's why my basement rodent residents ask to se my licnse all the time.

• Clinton County: Any person who leans against a public building will be subject to fines. Crud! And I was just going to take a spin out there for some end-of-summer-leanin' time...

• Columbus: It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.....but they have a HUGE sale on Saturdays!


• In ohio it is illegal to ride on the roof of a taxi cab Another fun idea out the window!

• In ohio it is illegal to run out of gasWHOA! Who hasn't broken THAT law around 3:30 p.m. after a big lunch and boring meeting and...whoops..or do they mean your CAR?

• In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture...does that make it ok if she is standing BEHIND the picture? (Careful, new teachers in town!)

• It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house. What about convents?? Arrest them all!

I wonder if there is a law about making fun of our Great Ohio Laws on a blog?
Uh, I need a little help here......

Why, I Just Love Your Southern Drawl!

I read in the newspaper that a Farmer in England is telling the press that cows have different accents, depending upon what cow tribe they are in. Then the article goes on to say that research has shown that birds also have various dialects.

Is this going to change my life one iota? (what IS an "iota" anyway?)
Do I give a whistle if a cow moos with a southern drawl or adding a New England "R" at the end of the moo? Do I care if it says "soda" or "pop" in moo-language?

And as far as birds go...they can tweet in Russian and I wouldn't know the difference.

And I hope that there is not a $500,000 study being funded by tax dollars to inform us that Bessie moos in Latin on occasion.

I think the article is "Udderly" for the "birds"...put THAT in your beak and chirp it.

Hi, My Name is Peggy and I'm a Greeting Card Addict

I am a greeting card junkie. I LOVE to find the cutest, the most clever, wittiest, award-winning-humorous, drop-dead hysterical card for ANY occasion. I giggle as I send it off to someone who I know will "have their day made" because of my thoughtfulness.
Most recently I have found the best cards at the Thunderbird Car Wash in West Chester, Ohio. I go there once a month, not to have my car washed (they are way too expensive), but because they change out their cards that often. Sometimes I'll go in and the owner will say, "Oh, sorry, Peggy, Ginny (not her real name) hasn't come in yet this month to switch out the cards." I hide my disappointment by reviewing the stale cards I perused 4 weeks earlier and leave, only to return daily to see if lazy ole Ginny has come back yet to do her job.

I have bought cards from just about every store for every possible event. My selection goes from birthday, to graduation, to new job, to illness, to wedding, to THANKS for whatever, to new home, to new puppy, to new baby, to coping with your divorce, to "sorry they died". Kinda in that order. I actually have a mini-card store in my office so I can whip off the "sorry you broke your fingernail" card the minute I get the news.

I only buy cute, funny cards. Even for funerals. I figure there must be something to laugh about when thinking of Uncle Harold.
And forget the cards with flowers on them and sentimental sayings. I think they must be the cheapest...I had an Aunt who gave me those kind every birthday. She would hand-carry it to my parents so she would avoid paying for the postage. She would then write in pencil, "Love, Aunt Catherine...p.s. you can erase this and send it on to someone else!"
I remember getting them from her when I was in grade school! Can you imagine me passing those off on my school yard pals?

My ultimate favorite cards are Maxine cards..oh, and the silly puppy cards..oh,
and then there's the ~ "baby-talking-to-you-while-he-is-in-the-bathtub-with-another-baby-
who-has-a-funny-hat-on" cards.

I think my addiction peaked when I bought 34 singing cards at Hallmark. They have these great songs that play whn you open them...a wide variety from the 70's bubble gum to Broadway shows. The clerks couldn't wait until I left because I was there for 6 hours, playing every single one. I even left for lunch and came back and I over-heard one of them mumbling something about "why doesn't she get a life?" Ha!
I wanted to tell her, "I'm keeping you employed aren't I?" But then I found a singing card that I bought for her instead, "Keep Your Sunny Side Up". It brought her to tears (that's the best, when a fun card can make 'em cry!).
She's my new best friend now. AND I get discounts on my cards!

Paper Jam

What would we do without paper?
We start the day and end the day with paper...(TP)

I make my breakfast by getting my groceries out of the PAPER bag and unwrapping the bread from it's PAPER covering. I get my butter, wrapped in PAPER, out of the refrigerator, and use a PAPER napkin to dab my ever-so-delicate mouth of toast crumbs. I dry my dish with a PAPER towel (unless I use a PAPER plate).

I look up in my PAPER TV guide what shows I want to tape for the day.

Usually I head to my office to work on my book. Today I unwrapped a ream of PAPER..that is wrapped in PAPER to print off my work, while
yesterday I copied some cute photos from my digital camera on some glossy PHOTO PAPER.
Mid-morning I take a break by reading the newsPAPER as I drink some water from a PAPER cup.

Today I am mailing off a birthday package to a friend and I am including a very funny card from Hallmark that is made out of PAPER and the clerk included one of those H Hallmark seals made out of..."you know what". I will cushion the present in tissue PAPER and send it off wrapped in festive PAPER and mail it in a big PAPER padded envelope.
I hope to receive a thank you note written on PAPER.

Oh, around mid-afternoon, it's time to retrieve the mail. Naturally, I receive mostly bills and un-solicited magazines, (no thak yhou nogts yet) both coming in assorted types, colors, weights and sizes of PAPER.
Since I have received bills, I must get out my checks, that happen to be printed on cute (SNOOPY theme..since I'm usually in the "dog-house" with my bills) PAPER.

Just look around you and observe the prevalence of PAPER-products in your life.
Most games are made of some kind of paper. (BINGO - It's all about the PAPER; GOLF ~ Score-card; FOOTBALL ~ playbook; BRIDGE ~ cards and tally sheet; BOWLING ~ ok, that's not a good example since they've gone to the electronic scoring..but...WAIT...what about the obligatory candy item purchased that has the PAPER wrapping, huh? GOTCHA!)

Then think about the containers for PAPER products!

Now, let's think of the TREES and the kinds of TREES that are supporting our addiction to PAPER...........................!
That may have to be another day.

Or..just use your computer/palm pilot/blackberry/laptop to communicate, pay bills and play games and order pizza.

Shaving Time

I have had a ridiculously crazy schedule during these past few weeks. It seems as though I need every spare minute that I can manage to accomplish all tasks at hand. So I decided to take some ideas from the great movie, the "Original", Cheaper By The Dozen.

I was in the shower the other day reviewing my jam-packed day and starting to hyper-ventilate realizing that I had 12 hours to get 25 hours of various "stuff" done. That's when I recalled the afore-mentioned movie. In that film the father of 12 kids chose crazy methods to get them organized and be "time efficient"....like, they were timed buttoning their shirts up vs. down and the results saved 2 seconds. That doesn't sound like a lot but when multiplied by 365 days/year..and then add other chores that have been trimmed in time, well, one can fulfill their daily obligations with time to spare!!

So, I decided to try "time-trimming" in the shower by alternating shaving just one leg and underarm every other day. I got excited at this prospect as this would save me at last 2 minutes/day..X 365 days a year and I get...well, I don't have my calculator with me but I'm sure my time saved is well over an afternoon at the pool.
Then I didn't like the way I felt kinda lop-sided, with hair on one side of the body out-weighing the other, so I tried shaving just the lower half of the
legs and the inner half of the underarm. I understand the Europeans when they just say "Forgetaboutit"...but they say it in some sexy European accent which makes it ok.

I understand men who have the old "Don Johnson" (now Ryan Seacrest?) 4 day-growth of beard...they are "cool" .
I DON'T understand all these men shaving their heads...there is nothing cool or time efficient in that.

Well, here I am babbling on and on and I'm only blogging today so people will get off my case for not blogging for a while, But now you know why..
My shaved legs were more important than rambling on..and on...

Oh, *&%@&! Technology Hits Again!

Boston has stubbed my toe with some of their hi-tech equimpment on numerous occasions. Today's subject spotlights their self-parking garage pay machines.
I have, in the past in Ohio, been in a situation where I had to use the annoying "no attendant so pay with exact change over there" lot...

"Over there" consists of a 6'x3'metal stand that has tiny pay-slots whose numbers coincide with the 3 digits lightly painted under where your car is parked. If you are in a hurry (and who isn't when parking downtown?), you probaby didn't notice the worn bits of chipped white paint as you parked. Now you have to run back, start your car, back up and get out to try to figure out if your number is 132 or 182 ~ then re-park and return to the "PAY-ME OR NEVER SE YOUR VEHICLE AGAIN" metal money grabber. The slots to aim your "exact change" of $8.95 are so miniscule, it takes 20 minutes just to crease and fold your dollar bills to try to jam in the tiny mouth that is surely laughing its aluminum head off.

So, enough about the "old way" of collecting money for your car to sit for 45 minutes...(Heaven knows we have enough people in this country who need work, couldn't a few be change makers at a parking garage?)

In Boston, they have these sharp, educated whipper-snappers who invented a machine to use a credit card or dollar bills for your parking lot bill. Parking costs are so outrageous in downtown Bean-town that to park one's vehicle for 60 minutes it will lighten your purse by $30.00.

I was running late to board a "free" boat ride around the Boston Harbor..I couldn't find any where to park. The garage across the street was closed for construction. The Hotels within a mile all require that you are a guest to use their valet parking. So, after spending 3 gallons of gas and 48 minutes looking within 7 blocks of the boat docks for a inexpensive place to park, I whipped my rental car into this garage that spit out a ticket before I had a chance to read the hourly rates. Heck, I was going to miss my "free" boat ride!
Anyway, I found a spot and made it to the boat with seconds to spare. After enjoying a nice 2 hours sitting in the harbor in th same spot looking at the same skyline and hearing 120 minutes of history, I headed back to my car. As I entered the parking garage, I noticed a machine about the same size as a soda vending machine. It was a nice shiny silver and had words painted on it like "PAY HERE"..
I never noticed this machine when hurrying out of the garage after running down 8 flights of stairs because the elevator wasn't working.
The machine informed informed me in smaller print that I had to have my ticket to insert in this machine and then I could use cash or a credit card.
Of course, guess where my ticket was...yup..8 flights up. So, I checked the elevators that still were wearing their signs, "OUT OF ORDER" (I swear, when judgment day comes and I approach the Pearly Gates, it better not have those words greeting me)
So, I hiked up the stairs..retrieved the ticket, and walked (crawled) down the stairs. I waited for the other 4 people to pay for their parking fee to finish and I stuck my ticket in...fed my Discover card in the credit card slot..and waited..and waited...and after 12 minutes (I was still recovring from the stair master), I noticed the credit card emblems that they had glued on the machine did not include Discover. Hmmmm.....the unit had eaten my card. I immediately started to glisten..(perspire)...and panicked...I thrust another card in to retrieve the Discover card. Now both cards are being ingested by BIG "PAY-ME" BULLY. I had figured that the machine couldn't handle two cards so it would release both of them..like a high school wrestler trying to "make weight".

Ok, so I got lucky. A woman who was sweeping the garage came by and had a nail file and with a flick of the wrist, she recovered both of my cards. She suggested that I pay cash and I did just that. Whew...I got my receipt from paying my $30.00 snd headed up the stairs, glad that this fiasco was over. As I was gasping for air on the 5th floor I realized that the nice, helpful garage employee never gave me back the two credit cards! I raced back down, and spent 2 hours looking for Ms. Wonderful. I never found her..and now I had parked more than the 15 minute grace period they allow you to get your car out of the garage..and I have no more cards..and no more cash.

The only end to this story comes by my saying my sales experience helped me out of this one. When I finally found a security guard, I just burst into tears and grabbed his leg and sobbed.

If I ever go back, I'll take the subway...and I'll have exact change.

Challenged by even the not-so-technical Stuff

I have just returned from a quick trip to Boston, the land of educational institutions. I read once that there are more buildings of higher education per person than anywhere else in the world. (But don't believe all that you read) Maybe with all this intelligence roaming the always-under-construction streets, that is the reason for some new-fangled servcies that I haven't found a plethora of here in Ohio.

Oh, I do have one side-bar question - with all these well-educated people, how does it happen that the "BIG DIG" done gone wrong? WRONG in a HUGE way. Rumors have it that not only is the Ted Williams tunnel faulty with it's bolts that hold 123 billion tons of water out, but it was built too low to the ocean floor..so if a big ship comes in, LOOK OUT! But I digress.

OK, so here I am in the Boston Logan airport. I decide to "use the facilities"...and when I stand up from my brief relief, I can't find the handle to flush. Of course, I'm not completely ignorant....I know it is an automatic flush so I stand back awaiting the "big flush"...nothing...nada...I must have spent 43 minutes looking for the hidden "emergency handle". (ok, not 43 minutes but it seemed that way)
I finally shrug my shoulders and give up and leave the stall and lo and behold, when I am about 6 feet away, I hear the hidden flush-man doing his job. That's bothersome to me.

Now I am more than ready to wash my hands. It is now like a scavenger hunt to try to find how the soap dispenser is going to work and whether the fawcet will work at all.
Usually, there is the soap dispenser on the wall that has a little drop down apparatus that one either pulls, pushes up, or slides sideways. This particular restroom had a two fawcets sitting next to each other...and not the "turn-the-hot-or-
cold-water" kind. No, that would be too easy. The fawcets I am used to actually say "hot" and "cold" and it's easy! I observed as others approached the scenario with almost as much confusion and trepidation as I had.
I finally notice someone else waving their paw under one fawcet and getting a dribble of soap...then waving their hands under the other and getting water...for 3 seconds. It took me 4 passes under the soap and 5 under the water to really wash my hands.
Now I have been in this restroom so long, I am afraid I am going to miss my RETURNING flight due out in 5 days!

Now I moved to the hand dryer. What ever happened to paper towels?
Now I either crank, push or wave. This one you had to sing to. They have various songs that it will react to but I chose, "What a Wonderful World"..I have to admit that people applauded when I finished...hands dry in just 4 versus. I thought I was receiving the standing ovation because of my singing, but I did hear the person standing five behind me whisper, "Thank heavens she is finally gone"...

The Perks of a Grand Opening

I read in the paper that a new "prototype" Kroger store was going to be opening at 8 a.m. today. The first 300 people through the door would receive a $10.00 Kroger card. I convinced my friend, Suzi, and my nephew Sean to go and reap the same benefits I knew I would get.

Sean arrived 4 minutes before we did and received his $10.00 card and a rose.
The problem was, the store ACTUALLY opened at 7 a.m. and thus...WE missed the first 300 lucky ducks by 14 "guests". We DID receive a rose, however...AND the listening pleasure of a local high school marching band playing (quite loudly) as they paraded around the beets, tomatoes and lettuce. Then there was the obligatory clown sweltering in his costume so I don't know how "Funny" he might have been.

By the way, there were about 45 people walking around in tuxedos asking if we needed any help..or questions answered..(not ONE knew the capital of Wyoming)..and then they always punctuated the conversation with, "Enjoy your shopping experience, as a guest, you're important to us"...as I started to leave with my cart overflowing, the security guard asked for my receipt. I told him if I were a true GUEST, do I have to PAY for my experience? I've NEVER charged any guest at my home for their dinner. AND I give out free doggie bags filled with left-overs! (now I suppose a small tip WOULD be appreciated)

So, back to the "experience"..Joe Nuxhall (former Reds pitcher and semi-retired sports broadcaster) was signing autographs in the furniture section. (this "prototype Kroger prides itself in being "more than food" so they have about 6 chairs and 3 picture frames and 10 towels to buy too)

One could have eaten enough in free food samples to prepare for 4 weeks on Survivor Island. I missed the samples of Pepto Bismal..

We received a free emergency kit. I haven't had an emergency yet so I don't know what is in it.

Although we missed our $10.00 gift card, we utilized a 10% off your purchase certificate that we received in the mail. Using that, along with my discount Kroger PLUS card, I received $19.95 off my groceries that I ultimately HAD to go back and pay for or end up with a FREE ride to the pokey.

This Krogers has a gas pump that as a member of the "Kroger Family" (first I'm a GUEST, then a FAMILY MEMBER..but I still have to pay?), I received 10 cents off every gallon of gasoline I purchase. Again, there was yet another tuxedoed gentleman dispensing coupons at the pump so I received: 2 dozen eggs; 1 lb of bacon; 2 pounds of Dole lettuce (isn't that the brand that had comtaminated product a few weeks ago?) AND my gas was 10 cents cheaper! I only filled 2 gallons but it was worth it for the coupon-freebies, right?

The only problem, I mused as I drove off, was that if I had gone to Walmart, I might not have spent a total of $198.76 for my $23.00 of "freebies".

I guess the "tuxedos" are counting on that.

Senior Moments

I remember when my 50th birthday rolled around...I received an un-solicited AARP membership card. ARGHH!!

But the sting went away as I realized I would not be enjoying TRUE senior discounts for years. AARP is just selling their membership and will probably lower the age to 35 in a couple of years. Hey, I just turned 55 in February and feel like I'm in my mid 30's (whoops, my mid-30's weren't that great..but that's another blog).

This week I felt a much bigger sting...like a mammoth Texas-sized yellow-jacket poised to munch on me big time...and it all happened in just one day.

I went to Frisches Big Boy for lunch and almost fell out of my booth when my eyes (bifoculed at that) glanced over at the Senior Menu - Age 55 and older.

WHAT?!!??!

I had actally been considering ordering a salad that would have saved me $1.20 on that "older" menu, but I decided to change my order to an entree not available to those with dentures.

I then determined that maybe at my age, I needed some exercise so I went to a local golf course that I had never played before. When I asked the golf pro how much the green fees were, he just pointed to a sign that said in big letters "Senior discount ~ age 55+ on Tuesdays"

After my golf round (yes, I used a cart, it was in the "Special!"), I headed straight to the "19th hole" to dull my "senior sorrows". I ordered a Bloody Mary from a very cheery 21 year old, size 2, former cheerleader-bartender. She served it up and said, "This is your lucky day, it's senior citizen happy hour and your drink is half off".
SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK TO SEE MY ID!

Just as I was about to get really DEPRESSED, I calculated how much money that I saved that day.

Today, I am in a much better mood and I am writing letters to about 17 various companies that I deal with trying to convince them that they ought to lower their "senior discount" age from 60 to 55. That's My speed now and I might as well make the most of it!

Embarrassments Arrive Daily at My House

So, it was a nice lazy Sunday...although quite hot & humid...and I finally decided to take a late shower at 5:30 p.m.
I always enjoy my post-shower ritual of dabbing moisturizing cream on my face, arms and legs to smooth out the increasing wrinkles and dry skin that is attacking me by Leather-lips himself.
I was in "my zone" of thinking about 1200 things that I need to do when the doorbell rang. That jolted me right out of this hemisphere and I hurridly threw on a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt and ran to answer the door.

Standing there was a neighbor who was dressed to the nines (whatever that means) in a Sunday church dress and high heels. (Don't worry, she's a woman)
She looked at me a little odd as she asked for the $5.00 contribution towards the neighborhood block party.
I asked her to come in as I tried to dig up that amount.
Wouldn't you know ~ I had no money except the "throw your left-over change in a cup" stash. Church-lady seemed a little un-easy as I counted out the pennies, nickels and dimes (I save the quarters for buying the newspaper). I threw the $5.00 (that it took me 15 minutes to count out) in a baggie ~ and thanked her for stopping by as she mumbled "no problem" as she bolted and clicked her stillettos down the walk like she was late for choir practice.
(she also ignored the extended hand I offered as a "sign of peace")

As I headed back to the bathroom, I was startled by the face that stared in astonishment back at me in the mirror. I had dabbed the cream about my face and appendages but in my haste, I had not rubbed it in so I looked like a painted warrier from Zumbowow!

......and I'll bet my neighbor never even noticed how smooth my skin is.

150 Minutes with Children

YESTERDAY -

They came..and they went.

There were only 5 sweet little darling children of various ages.

It was only 2 and 1/2 hours.

1 - 6 week old baby who was really hungry
2- 5 year old boys with energy that any utility company would pay billions to harness.
1- 15 month-old boy who wants to dissect anything expensive ~ telephones, computer keyboards, computer video games, etc.
1 - 11 year old girl who, thank heavens, was there to help the other 3 adults!

1- basement with way too many options for game-playing and chances to argue over who gets to sit in one of four identical seats.

They came...and they went.

It was only 2 and 1/2 hours.

TODAY

I slept just 2 and 1/2 hours longer than usual.

Children are a Blessing, Right? Huh? Hello?

I just read about a 40 year old woman who gave birth to two sets of twins...no, that's not right..quadruplets. That would be FOUR children....at one time!!

After spending just 1 hour babysitting a 5 year old and a 14 month old who is faster than a speeding bullet, I cannot comprehend having FOUR children of the same age to care for. Especially when they don't get returned in a couple of hours to a set of parents.

But here's the real kicker ~ this mother gave birth to triplets 3 years ago!
(No, I'm not kidding..I did NOT read this in one of the smut-reputable magazines in line at Kroger, nor did this happen in the country of Baliwanna.)

So, now do you want to know what the "kicker-kicker" is?

Drum roll please....

This Mom said after the triplets were born, she was done having children. Could it be because she already had THREE kids before the trio?
She now she has TEN!!

Remember the nursery rhyme about the old lady in the shoe.."she had so many children, she didn't know what to do..."? She was no old lady, she was just 34 but LOOKED 93 because she had 8 children!

Back to the news story facts..the final line read, "The Mother is happy because she and the children are healthy, although she is a little nervous about being overwhelmed."

'Ya think?

p.s. No mention of the Father...he might have been in the same hospital having "a delicate elective surgical procedure"....or heart failure.

164 Day till Christmas!

Don't you think we all are just a tiny bit pre-occupied with TIME?
Now, stay with me, this will only take 2 minutes! We'll be done in a flash!
Oh, wait a second, I have to turn off my kitchen timer for my brownies.

OK, now, where were we?

OH, yeah, time. Today I read that the retail stores are already ordering their Christmas inventory....mid July...WOW. I still haven't played with all the games I "borrowed" from my nephews from LAST Christmas.

Do we ever have enough TIME to complete anything? How many times have you heard the breathless exasperation, "Where does the TIME go?"...or ~ "I don't have the TIME to do that"...or ~ "I just ran out of thyme"....(whoops..that might have been the le="font-weight:bold;">spice in a recipe from Martha...sorry that got thrown in there)

Are we just lousy at time management?
Certainly we have many more creature comforts and assistants than our fore-fathers and fore-mothers did to make our life easier and more manageable.
I can't imagine how my life would be if I had to head to the stream to beat my clothes clean. And if TV wasn't around to suggest which rock was the best at keeping my frock fresh and fluffy, I would waste time trying out a bunch of them!
Goodness, that task alone would have taken all day! Then I would NEVER have time to microwave dinner! Whoops...back "in the old days" there were no kitchen gadgets..I would have had to make my own fire and grow my own pepperoni for the pizza I would have to make from scratch.

Then where would I be as far as time goes?
I wouldn't have time to go to the movies, watch So You Think You Can Dance, General Hospital and Oprah. If I couldn't watch Oprah, I wouldn't know what books to read.
But then again, I wouldn't have time to read.

I'm not one to wear a time-piece. I am just one of those annoying individuals who keep asking everyone else what time it is, all the while boasting that "I am no slave of the clock".

Now I have to admit that I am a list-maker. I write out every night a time-table as to the projects I am to do and mark a time allotment next to the task. It is the ONLY way I get anything done. I adhere to it and never waiver. By just setting one of the 12 timers I have strategically placed around the house, I keep tight to my schedule. When that timer goes off, I am on to my next task.

I'm looking at my list of things to do and the next one is a doozy...it may make headlines...wish I could tell you but the timer just went off.

I was lucky enough to spend an afternoon at the swimming pool with my great nephew, Griffin, who is 5 years old, going on 15. We had such a good time playing water tag, torpedo under Peggy's legs, throwing the...well, it doesn't matter..whatever happens to be around, we throw.

When anyone asks him what his favorite thing is about the pool, he will flash an un-comparable grin and proceed to ramble on for 3 minutes, ending his enthusiasm with ~ "EVRYTHING IS AWESOME!"

What a great attitude he has!
On the way home he was yelling out his open car window more unbridled enthusiasm: "I love you, cars...I love you, trees, I love you stop sign, I love you Post Office, I love you man wearing a black shirt, I love you branches..."

For just an afternoon, he was the happiest boy in the world, as well as
one of the best teachers ~ with me being his student.
He taught me to stop the world every now and then and just...LOVE..love whatever you do and think it is AWESOME.

Thanks, Griff.

Lights, Camera, Action!

I feel sometimes like I am the Oscar winning director of my own personal made-for-TV movie ~ "Peggy's Life As An Perfect Person"


Ok, Ok, we can change the title depending upon what day of the week it is.
Maybe we even can alter it daily.

But seriously, don't you sometimes think that you are the one who is orchestrating the world around you? You, and only you, are the ONLY sole person with the correct perspective and everyone else is looney tunes?
And YOU, and you alone, can control all activities and feelings of those around you at any time.

Now, as you read the daily news and shake your head glancing at the most ridiculous stories, you can revel in the fact that your world is certainly NOT this world everyone READS about every day. Your world is organized, moral, law-abiding and happy.

Gosh, I sound like Bree on that Housewives Show on Sunday night.
Whoops, she is a murdering, alcoholic, irresponsible baby-sitter of a neighbor.

Well, maybe I just WISH I had more influence over this crazy world we live in.
Like, I wish I could control the lousy pitching of our sliding Reds team...or maybe finally find the killer of Jon Bennet...or try to re-write most of the words that rappers sing these days...or get people to look up to God for answers instead of the local drug-dealers.

If I were the world's director, I would make sure that people like the woman who adopted 14 children who all had "challenging" issues starred in the movie...instead of people like Colin Farrell and Russell (Mr."Phone-a-friend") Crowe.

And I would have TV soaps have less sex and more humor.

I would have the best commercials aim at selling cheap cameras to save memories instead of drinking Bud-Lite at every sporting event.

Oh, and I would take out all the soda out of vending machines and replace them with water and wine...er, I mean, naturally fortified liquids.

CUT...PRINT...send to editing.

I doubt if this will ever win any awards.

I Think I'm Allergic to the HEAT

Some people LOVE hot weather...I LOVE air-conditioning!

There is nothing of benefit to me when the sun beats down so hard that my make-up melts. I take on the features of person being tested in a G-force machine or maybe I look more like a bassit hound..on a bad day. Perspiration (or "moisture pellets" as my Mom used to say") that runs, not walks, down my eyebrows and follows the contour of my chin(s) is not only un-attractive, it qualifies for offering ridiculous stories like, "I'm on my way to a Halloween party..this is my costume."

I haven't heard the weather-forecasters talk about the "wind-chill factor" since March and I so miss that daily winter calculation. I guess when it is 90 degrees and there is a 5 m.p.h. breeze, it doesn't qualify for a mention. Maybe it wouldn't effect the clothes to be worn.

Oh, and the most obnoxious comments about the heat are: "Oh, it's a DRY heat..not bad at all" ~ WHAT??
So I feel microwaved and should feel ok about it because I'm not using windshield wipers on my upper lip??

I dread the comment: "I love the to putter in the garden in the hot weather because I work up a great sweat and feel like I've really been working."
Now THIS person needs counseling. Just contact any relative of Naomi Judd or Liza Minelli and they can tell you where the best 45 day recovery clinic is.

Hmmm..it seems as though I am getting "hot under the collar" about this "hot topic"..and am not exuding enough personal "warmth".

Deal with it..or just wait ~ I promise I'll be nicer in the fall.