The Perks of a Grand Opening

I read in the paper that a new "prototype" Kroger store was going to be opening at 8 a.m. today. The first 300 people through the door would receive a $10.00 Kroger card. I convinced my friend, Suzi, and my nephew Sean to go and reap the same benefits I knew I would get.

Sean arrived 4 minutes before we did and received his $10.00 card and a rose.
The problem was, the store ACTUALLY opened at 7 a.m. and thus...WE missed the first 300 lucky ducks by 14 "guests". We DID receive a rose, however...AND the listening pleasure of a local high school marching band playing (quite loudly) as they paraded around the beets, tomatoes and lettuce. Then there was the obligatory clown sweltering in his costume so I don't know how "Funny" he might have been.

By the way, there were about 45 people walking around in tuxedos asking if we needed any help..or questions answered..(not ONE knew the capital of Wyoming)..and then they always punctuated the conversation with, "Enjoy your shopping experience, as a guest, you're important to us"...as I started to leave with my cart overflowing, the security guard asked for my receipt. I told him if I were a true GUEST, do I have to PAY for my experience? I've NEVER charged any guest at my home for their dinner. AND I give out free doggie bags filled with left-overs! (now I suppose a small tip WOULD be appreciated)

So, back to the "experience"..Joe Nuxhall (former Reds pitcher and semi-retired sports broadcaster) was signing autographs in the furniture section. (this "prototype Kroger prides itself in being "more than food" so they have about 6 chairs and 3 picture frames and 10 towels to buy too)

One could have eaten enough in free food samples to prepare for 4 weeks on Survivor Island. I missed the samples of Pepto Bismal..

We received a free emergency kit. I haven't had an emergency yet so I don't know what is in it.

Although we missed our $10.00 gift card, we utilized a 10% off your purchase certificate that we received in the mail. Using that, along with my discount Kroger PLUS card, I received $19.95 off my groceries that I ultimately HAD to go back and pay for or end up with a FREE ride to the pokey.

This Krogers has a gas pump that as a member of the "Kroger Family" (first I'm a GUEST, then a FAMILY MEMBER..but I still have to pay?), I received 10 cents off every gallon of gasoline I purchase. Again, there was yet another tuxedoed gentleman dispensing coupons at the pump so I received: 2 dozen eggs; 1 lb of bacon; 2 pounds of Dole lettuce (isn't that the brand that had comtaminated product a few weeks ago?) AND my gas was 10 cents cheaper! I only filled 2 gallons but it was worth it for the coupon-freebies, right?

The only problem, I mused as I drove off, was that if I had gone to Walmart, I might not have spent a total of $198.76 for my $23.00 of "freebies".

I guess the "tuxedos" are counting on that.