Who Gives a Hoot

My latest conundrum (I love that word) is being awakened by the annoying sound of woodpeckers doing what woodpeckers do best against the side of my house. I wonder why they do that. Haven’t we all heard the phrase, “Oh, you’re just beating your head against the wall” ~ interpreted as, “quit it…you are not solving any problems and you are hurting yourself!”
So, haven’t woodpeckers heard this famous saying? What exactly are they trying to accomplish, anyway? Is there a “Pecking Olympics” being held somewhere in our neighborhood? If there is, my little Woody is certainly training hard for it.
Now please understand that I am all for sports, competition and athletic training, but my insurance company frowns upon claims for damage done by members of the aviary world. So, I decided to contact my local bird store and ask for assistance. Phil was quite helpful, informing me that an owl would certainly scare off woodpeckers. Since he didn’t have a real live owl to sell me, he sold me a 24 inch plastic owl with a swerving head and a sound that resembles a sick goat that emits from little “Oscar”. I felt compelled to give a name to our “Guard-Owl” since I don’t want to say, “Hey, you ~ you’re mid-morning break is up, starting hooting.”
Phil also suggested that I should change the position and location of Oscar or the woodpeckers would “catch on” and return to their pecking order. Now if a woodpecker is so dumb as to beat their beak against a hard object all day, are they smart enough to discern a plastic Oscar from a real owl?
$25.95 says I should pay attention to Phil. Plus the fact that after 5 days without changing Oscar’s placement, there were FIVE Woody’s at the side of my house, competing now in the Pecking Olympic trials.

I returned to the store with Oscar tucked under my arm, requesting a refund from Phil. He pointed to the sign that said, “ALL SALES ARE FINAL, which to me says he joined the Woodpecker brigade in “not giving a hoot”.
Surprisingly, I did buy one more item from dear Phil ~ a shovel.

Raw Data or "Batter" Up!

Maybe I'm the only one in the entire universe who doesn't like uncooked cookie, cake and brownie batter. On the very rare occasion that I might actually BAKE something, if I take the used bowl and mixing utensils to the sink to wash, whomever is within 50 yards will verbally attack me like I was about to put filet mignon down the garbage disposal or aiming a hair dryer at a 6 foot Snowman.
Then the bowl, spoon and spatula are converged on like bees at a honey convention.
Why would anyone like un-cooked batter? And if everyone seems to love it so much, why do we not see it on the menu of our local dining establishments?
I can see it now:
(1) 2" fudge brownie - $1.95
(1) Tablespoon of uncooked brownie batter - $2.50

And just so I am making myself perfectly clear, I also don't care for almost ANY uncooked "real food" (excluding the raw veggies and fruit that I so dearly cherish).
Please don't try to tantalize me with high-brow sushi and steak tar-tar. Which reminds me, if raw sirloin (hamburger, to me) is such a delicacy, why would those in charge of fancy cuisine names tack on "tar-tar" to their precious "ground round"?
Oh, wait. Maybe I can figure this out myself. Let's return to the menu scenario.
Which would Mr. Fancy Pants want to order when trying to impress Ms. Snub-nose who happens to have a nice set of "who-whos"?
$5.95 - 2 oz. raw catfish or
$18.95 - 2 oz. sushi

$5.95 - Burt's Best Burger or
$18.95 - Tar-tar du jour accompanied by the chef's special sauce (probably mustard)
Heck, one doesn't even get a sesame seed bun here!

I'm guessing that George Forman is "in my corner" on this.

Return Those Library Books!

My parents taught us to use the library instead of spending money on buying books. I figured that my folks read an average of about 4 books a week between the two of them.
If the average book cost $10.00 (hey, they read both hard-back and paperback), that would be a savings of $40/week. In one year they saved $2000...or over 50 years ~ WOW! $100,000!
So, why don't more people use the library?
People say, "well, I don't like reading what others have held in their hands"...oh, PLEEZE! Then you had better not ever turn a doorknob or use a shopping cart!
Some others will offer this as an "excuse": "I like to keep them around so I can re-read them" I understand! That's why there is a LIBRARY.

I just read two stories in the news...one where a gentleman was returning a book he took out in 1960 and owed $171.35 in fines. The library had written this over-due/missing book off but the guy decided he wanted to "do what was right"...
The next story is a little different. A woman in TEXAS (you know, that state that wants to cecede and be it's own country) was driving her car when a police officer pulled her over for a minor traffic offense. As he checked her record, he found she had no insurance and her license had been revoked. He was getting ready to write her a ticket for all those infractions when he found that she had a warrant out for her arrest for unpaid library fines that totalled $118.00. Out came the handcuffs and off she went to jail. I guess in Texas, you can drive like Annie Oakley but don't you be dodging the "library law".

I probably have paid for a wing of our library in fines. I must average $1.10/book in overdue fines but it sure is better than buying them. Don't get me wrong, I have a huge library of my own filling six floor-to-ceiling shelves. My excuse is the books were either given to me as presents; the books are of such an unusual topic that no library will carry them or they are reference books or they have been personally autographed.

By the way, two HIGHLY RECOMMENDED books that you will soon want to read are Humor Can Be Kinda Funny, and 55 Jobs in 55 Years, both books due out in March/April written by a not-so-famous author, available at local bookstores and Amazon.com. You do NOT want to borrow these from the library. You DO want to buy them and many other copies for friends, family and strangers. I also can get them autographed for you.

Now that I think of it...libraries are closed half the time...and many times there is a problem parking and the weather is usually hot, cold, rainy or snowy as you walk from the car to the library, where they don't always have the book you want when you want to read it...
come to think of it, who needs libraries? Amazon.com forever!

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Where the Heck Is My Clock?

It seems as though my life revolves around time.
As soon as I awaken, I look at the alarm clock to see if I should bolt out of bed and start the day in a frenzy or ~ will the timepiece grant me a “stay of execution and grant me “just 5 more precious minutes”? It doesn’t seem like there is a happy-medium (unless you count the psychic who gets paid big bucks to bring messages from the dearly departed). I am either rushing to catch up to the clock or wanting time to move more quickly ~ i.e. watching Dr. Phil in the lobby of an auto repair shop.

I don’t wear a time-piece but I LOVE timers. Ecstasy would be to have a timer in every room of the house, guarded by a backscratcher and a nail file. That would give me such security! Of course, in the living room I would need about 4 timers. I could use one to be set to stop me reading and remind me to turn on “Dangerous Housewives”; another to nudge me in the direction of taking the garbage out by 9 p.m.; one more would allow me to double check the automatic oven-cleaner’s timer; and the last one to tell me it’s bedtime.
At this very moment, I have a timer set for 12 minutes so I can finish this article and move on to the timer that prevents me from burning the brownies and then one that reminds me not to leave the wet clothes in the washer to mildew.

I remember the time my brother asked me to tape record a radio show that he was going to be on in Columbus. He said, “just turn your recorder on about 10 p.m. Can you remember that?” I was rather insulted but shrugged it off. I figured the best way to remind myself to complete his request was to employ a method that I had read about where one slides a rubber band around their wrist. The theory is that when you looked at this foreign object, the memory light bulb would burn brightly and shine on the reminder subject. So, there I was, on my comfy couch, totally immersed in this great book, Valley of the Dulls, when I noticed this elastic on my wrist. I searched my brain as to what it was I was supposed to do and when I couldn’t remember, I figured it was there to remind me to get more sleep, so off I went to bed. Two hours later the phone jarred me awake and my brother was asking me if I got the recording. He was so happy about his appearance on this radio show as he felt that he had really been quite funny, if he did say so himself.

I’m not sure he ever forgave me.
Well, the timer just rang so I’m done here. Now, what did I say I have to do next?

Gone Fishin'

I am in the mood to go away.
Stop the blog.
Stop the world, I want to get off now.
It is probably the "POST HOLIDAY LET-DOWN"...and the fact that I am starting my 56th job BEFORE I turn 56 in February. It may also be that my editor returned 3 chapters of my book, 55 Jobs in 55 Years for re-writes.
WHAT? My book isn't perfect?? GRRRR...what do THEY know?

So, the world looks so different from just 4 days ago. It was still Christmas season and there were still fun lights to enjoy as you drove around the neighborhood.

Maybe if it snows and I can fulfill my promise to Griffin to make the "Best snow igloo this side of Europe" I will feel better.
Isn't there always something on the horizon that we hope will come closer so we "feel better"?

Ah, today I make my own fun and forget what I don't have; release the fact that people don't act EXACTLY like I want them to; and nurture the wonderment I do have.

Amen, sister.
But I still may go fishin'. I haven't done that for 35 years and I was lousy at it but had a great time!

Cheers To You in 2007!

I received this New Year's Wish from a good friend and thought that I would pass it along ~

My Wish for You in 2007

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $200 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires
and may happiness slap you across the face
and may your tears be that of joy.

May the problems you had forget your home address!

Yakking In Public

Today I was having breakfast at one of my favorite morning hang-outs and I learned my multiplication tables, even though they were NOT on the menu OR agenda.
This loving couple were drilling their darling little 7 year-old about "SIX TIMES SEVEN, EIGHT TIMES FOUR, YOU MUST KNOW FIVE TIMES NINE!"
This went on for the duration of my meal and they were so loud, I couldn't hear the waitress asking if I wanted some cherry pie. I guess she gave up because I left without that delectible dessert.
At one point when the child couldn't come up with the correct answer to SIX TIMES SIX, I turned over my paper place-mat and with the provided crayon at the table, I wrote in big letters, 37 ~ then I made a paper airplane and flew it into their booth. I'm just evil enough to try to ruin his answer for life to 6 x 6...maybe later on in a big board room when he is running a meeting, he will chastise an employee who thought 6 x 6 was 36. These are scenarios in my mind that I LIVE for!

We've all been in a restaurant when we couldn't hear our own table conversations because of a self-annointed room entertainer at the next table.
NEWS ALERT...some international travelers will soon have the opportunity to enjoy airplane flights with people gabbing away on cell phones.
WHO decided THIS? Why don't you just poke me in the eyes and nose and annoy MOST ALL of my senses? Can people NOT be quiet for just a few hours? Do we have to be in constant contact or the world will stop spinning?
I can see it (or rather, HEAR it) now ~ sitting next to me on my 6 hour flight to Ireland is the teenager who just broke up with her boyfriend and is calling every friend she knows and three she just met, to cry LOUDLY about how he "done did her wrong". Behind me will be the TYPE A executive who is calling four of his subordinates to give them last minute instructions...in THREE languages. Naturally, everyone will have to talk loudly,not just over the jet engine noise, but over each other's conversations. Maybe even Guido O'Reilly, the bookie with the non-lit cigar dangling from his wagering lips, will be conducting business en route to some far-off gambling mecca of the world.

FLYING WILL BECOME A WORSE NIGHTMARE THAN IT ALREADY IS. I hope upon hope that this idea that Emeritus Airline is employing stays with that air carrier and leaves the rest of flyers to have to spend $10.00 a minute on those rip-off phones in the seat.

I wonder if traveling by train is an option? DO they allow cell phones to be used?

I'll call you all on my cell phone that I will use at the classiest restaurant I know when I find out.

Ms Grump

Post-Christmas Exhaustion

Is anyone else out there too drained to dance?
Too tuckered to tango?
Too spent to samba?
Too tired to two-step?
Too bushed to boogie?
Too weary to waltz?
Too fatigued to frug or fandango?
Too sleepy to salsa?

Too stale to shimmy?

Too lazy to lindy?

Does your mind say, "can-can" but your body say "can't-can't"?


Don't worry. You are suffering from Christmas after-shock and there may still be some minor quakes on the horizon.

I do know one thing...if my 21 month old great-nephew Cooper asks me to turn the Jack-in-the-box grinder one more time, I will put a curse on Grandma Connie who bought that cute little present for him.

Peg's Last Minute Christmas Gift Ideas...

At this late date, you have VERY few options. If you were too busy (or lazy) to spend a little time and effort choosing just the PERFECT present for your PERFECT loved one, then shame on you.
Now, you have to PAY for procrastinating. Bring out the checkbook and eggnog. If the person you are giving the gift to has enough egg nog, they may not notice that you really didn't give any thought to the present...especially if the amount on the check is substantial enough to warrant a sincere thank you. If you can, take all of a minute and write a note as to a few choices ther person might consider spending this $$ so they think you put SOME effort towards the prize.
Maybe the note coulde say:
"I couldn't find anything as handsome (or beautiful) as you are so I wanted you to pick out what YOU want."
or
"Included with this check is the promise that I will make the bed for the next six months" (this worked great for my Dad one year when he had nothing for Mom's b-day...and then he re-newed the promise at Valentine's Day...Mom liked this present more than flowers, so she said...and don't 'cha know that ole Pop made their bed every day for the next 7 years)

And as my nephews say when currency is offered, "It fits perfectly".

Merry Christmas!

Peg's Last Minute Great Christmas Gift Idea

What a wonderful gift to send a friend to the movies twice a month for 6 months? The movie get delivered to their home and after viewing as many times as desired, the subscriber mails itback to Netflix in a pre-paid postage envelope.
I LOVE this service! It can be as inexpensive as $5.99 for a one month subscription (One movie at a time sent...two total for the month)...or one can acquire a year long subscription receiving 2 movies at a time...UNLIMITED for the month!
A 6 month subscription for one movie at a time...2 per month is around $36.00.

Netflix has thousands of movies available ~ just peruse their website by genre or director or actor. I plugged in the name of Audrey Hepburn in a search and it listed all the movies that she was in and detailed a paragraph description and even included reviews.
You can also find vintage movies that your local Blockbuster Video store won't keep in stock. You can list all the movies that you want sent to you and in what order in your "Queque". YOu can also request a movie that isn't out in DVD yet and when it is available, it will automatically get in line to be sent to you.

Now THIS is a FUN gift that keeps on giving AND you can sign up for it on-line @ www.netflix.com.

You can even give it with a bag of popcorn and you will be a hero/heroine.

You can thank me later.

Peg's Christmas Ideas ~ You're in Trouble With Only 2 Days Left

At this late date, you really don't want to fight the crowds at the mall for the "perfect" gift, do you? SO, You have a choice, swing by the ole "Beverage Coral Drive-Thru" to pick out your favorite Malted Liquor, Mad Dog 20-20, or Slim Jims for the stocking stuffer OR...write a loving poem that will make the "little lady" cry.
When my Dad was 18, his younger brother, Hank (13) asked to borrow some money so he could get his Mother something nice for Christmas. It turns out, Hank hit his two older sisters up with the same heart-tugging story. Dad spent all of two paychecks on a card table and chair set for his poker-playing Mama. When it came time to open gifts, the last one opened was from Hank. It was a hand-made poem, and quite flowery, at that. I guess their Mother cried and looked at Dad and said, "Why can't you be more sentimental and sweet like your younger brother?"
Dad found out later that Hank had spent the money borrowed from his siblings on a watch for his girlfriend.
Your Choice...Poem or Drive-Thru?

Peg's Christmas Gift Ideas ~ Slim Pickins' With Only 3 Days Left!

Savvy Mop Slippers

Look out Roomba! Who has time for such mundane tasks as housework? And who can realistically afford a cleaning lady in today's economy? At last, the pinnacle of multi-tasking... Mop Slippers! Put these comfy 11-1/2" long slippers on and you'll be able to clean your floors while you go to the fridge for a beer. Made of soft fabric that is washing machine safe!

PRICE: $ 14.89 (just GOOGLE "mop slippers"..you can get a real deal out there now! (Imagine that)
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Obviously, with the size of 11-1/2" this silly gift is NOT aimed at too many women, who bear the brunt of house-cleaning anyway. This present is a gentle way of having that man in your life feel better about just shuffling from the couch to the refrigerator to the bathroom. He can say he has done something for you.
Oh, Part of this "gift" if not having to see his dirty socks or stinky over-grown toe nails looking at you as you are trying to watch McDreamy on TV.
ENJOY...maybe this will turn your man into "McSteamy" again!

Peg's Great Christmas Gift Ideas...It's Getting To Panic Mode Now

Basket Case Headband Game $12.95 www.spilsbury.com
Use your head and have some fun!
Place the Basket Case headband hoop game on your head, then see how many balls you can toss inside. Try it for a mind-clearing break from your busy day! Includes 20 balls. Adjustable; one size fits all. Ages 4 and up.
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This gift is a sure fire winner for ANYONE. In fact, you may want to buy 3 or 4 for your neighbors or as the "whoops" gift. You know what I mean...when Englebert, the guy whom you haven't seen for 3 years, comes by with a Christmas gift and you have nothing/nada/zero for him...pull out the "whoops"-I-forgot-I-had-this-for-someone present.


Make sure there is room on the digital camera's photo disc for this one. One cannot make a basket without showing all their dental work and nose hairs. Of course, if you had seen gift idea from Day 3, there would be no nose hairs!

Buy SOMETHING, for pity sake...it's down to the proverbial wire!

Peg's 12 Days of Unique Christmas Gift Ideas...5 days left! GULP!

Forget getting the socks and fruitcake.
ANYONE can afford this creative gift that will calm the nerves of even Tanya Harding competing in an ice "Escapade" or boxing for her dinner.
Who wouldn't want an aquarium that you can own without having to invest in fish, food for the darlings, cleaning the tank, flushing the toilet when one goes belly-up and all the other crap that is involved with such an item.
This is a DVD that you play when you want the TV re-runs to go away and your favorite football team has fumbled it's way out of the play-off picture.
AH, how relaxing to watch little guppies swimming on a 3' X 4' screen in your living room. (only thing missing are the worms!)

DVD $14.99 at www.AMAZON.com ~ and, yes! There is still time to order!

Peg's 12 Days of Christmas Gift Ideas...Only 6 Days Left!

(I promise that those are pencil shavings next to the nose)

Nose Pencil Sharpener $5.95 @ www.Spilsbury.com
Buy 2 and Save!
Every kid needs one of these in their desk! Stick a pencil up the nose and twist till it's sharp! 2-1/2" long.

Special Offer! Only $3.45 each when you buy 2 or more!
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OK..see there are just 6 days left and it seems people get desperate about this time.
Order NOW for this great stocking stuffer...just hope this gift never gets a cold.

7 More Days of Peg's Fun Christmas GIft Ideas

Now, come on...it is time to get your special someone that something unique for your Holiday gift exchange. You only have 7 days to get this baby ordered and delivered so get on it NOW! You won't regret it...until you give it.

RETRO CELL PHONE HANDSET - $14.99
Where? AH, heck...just google it. DO I have to do EVERYTHING for you?

DESCRIPTION~
Now you can take your Cell Phone back to a less complicated era... the 1950s. It was a time of innocence. A time of exploration. A time of hiding under your desk, practicing for a nuclear bomb to drop on your head.

And during that time, people used big, clunky phones with clunky handsets.

Well, we can't bring back atomic paranoia, but we can offer you this ridiculous Retro Cell Phone Handset! It's an actual working handset for your cell phone that looks just like the one Ozzie and Harriet might have used. (Kids, if you don't know who Ozzie and Harriet are -- they were two U.S. Senators who discovered a cure for polio.)

The Retro Cell Phone Handset plugs right into your cell phone's headphone jack. In a snap, you can yak away like you were on an old-fashioned rotary phone. It even has a coiled cord, just like those phones of yore.

The Retro Cell Phone Handset comes in three excellent colors -- Back-In-Time Black, Retro Red, and Way-Out White. The handsets have the standard 2.5 mm plug, plus you also get adapters, so it should work with just about any cell phone. The sound quality is good (butt not Hi-fi), and the "Cool Factor" is off the charts.

Imagine how much fun it'll be to answer your cell phone with one of these things. Think of the looks you'll get on the bus, in restaurants, and even in the classroom! As you talk, the years 1955 and 2006 will blend together. As you listen, the sound will go in one era and out the other! (we worked REALLY hard on that joke, so you better laugh)

The Retro Cell Phone Handset will make a great gift for anyone who uses their cell phone a lot -- and that's pretty much EVERYONE these days. So set the "Wayback Machine" to the 1950s and get one today! (Kids, if you don't understand the reference to the Wayback Machine -- It was a device invented by Dwight D. Eisenhower to end the Korean War.)
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I hope MY stocking has enough room for this thoughtful gift to make it's way in there!

You all can thank me later for this gift suggestion.

Day 4 ~ Peg's 12 Days of Christmas GIft Ideas

Award winning fuel cell kit!
(PLEEZE don't ask ME who actually presented this "award"...may have been the 5th grade science teacher for "Project That Didn't Explode" for all I know)
$149.95 www.Shopatron.com
Fuel Cell Car & Experiment Kit. Assemble and experiment with a unique reversible hydrogen Fuel Cell. This fuel cell kit provides a playful introduction to one of the most significant technologies of the 21st Century. With this kit you can build a model car that actually runs on water! 96-page full-color book. Ages 12 and up.

Pour in the water and watch it separate into hydrogen and oxygen, forming a gas to power your vehicle across the floor. Fuel cells are one of the most promising means of producing energy in the future. Because they do not consume fossil fuels they are considered environmentally friendly.
The electricity required to activate electrolysis is created with a large solar cell included with the kit. During electrolysis, water is separated into hydrogen and oxygen and the resulting energy is stored as a gas. When needed, the gas is fed into the fuel cell, which then serves as the power source.
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If you've had to take away Grandpa's keys due to the fact that everytime he drives, he has to make a side-trip to the Auto Dealership to return with a can of car paint, then this is the perfect gift for him! Keep him busy in the garage building a model car that he can drive in the neighborhood. I would still get him a helmet.

RETURNING HOME A LITTLE LIGHTER

I have returned home safely from my trip to "Lost Wages", Nevada. I pulled into the driveway around midnight-30 after travelling all day. I opened the garage door and started taking my suitcases into the house. Something was different.
Ah, yes. My luggage was a lot lighter. I had lost just about everything, including the blouse off my back. At least I still had my free T-shirt from attending "The Price is Right" (or WRONG, in MY case).
The only items left in my purse included: one kleenex , a slightly tattered picture of my pooch, Bailey and my IOU that I had to sign to get my car out of hock from the airport "Budget Parking" lot.

When I saw the pile of mail that had accumulated while I was gone, my heart skipped a beat thinking that I was being welcomed home warmly by cheery Holiday well-wishers. I was sure this stack of stamped envelopes included Greeting Cards from loving friends, wishing me a prosperous and healthy Holiday and New Year. Nope...I had 12 "greetings" from "nurturing" credit card companies, 18 magazines, 14 MORE credit card company offers to entice me into bancruptcy. But I did receive 21 "gifts"...or shall I say, "opportunities" (?) for me to use address labels from 21 charities.

Oh, wait there was ONE card that looked personal...it was incorrectly delivered to my mailbox instead of my neighbor Hank's house. I didn't care. I opened it anyway and have already added Horatio Unger to my Christmas card list.

Welcome home to me.

Peg’s 12 Days of Christmas Gift Ideas ~ Day 3

This idea is either for someone you DON’T like or for a boss who you can’t really tell him in person that he needs some hygiene help.

Turbo-Groomer COBALT - (removal of nose hairs) $49.95
(2 “C” batteries NOT included)
Where? Sky Mall Magazine www.skymall.com AND ~ Sharper Image

This semi-torture weapon features dual-rotary cutting heads of stainless steel blades with titanium cutting edges. The blades whirl at an impressive 6,000 RPM to “gently” and effectively trim nose hair.

I think maybe there should be a caveat ~ "But don't try this at home" but what do I know?

(I wonder if I could use this on my dog, Bailey’s ears?)

I knew a couple of octegenarian gentlemen who were coherts of my Dad at his last retirement pad who I wish I could have sent this gift to, anonymously, of course.

Can someone tell me how to spell..."OUCH"?

Barry Manilow – Music & Passion

We had tickets to see Barry Manilow’s Las Vegas Show, Music & Passion last night.
Our seats were incredible as we found ourselves in the third road, center. Barry was within whisker-counting range. I always liked his music back in the mid-70’s…but I sure didn’t know how I would enjoy him 30 years later. The “FAN-ilows” were out in huge numbers, complete with their Barry t-shirts and glow sticks.
When he came out, the crowd went ballistic (some of you might have heard the Beatle-like crazy screaming in Ohio)! I almost feared for my life at one point when a woman next to me danced to the tunes with a little too much enthusiasm and landed in my lap.
She must have thought(in HER mind) that she could sing better than Barry as she howled, GROSSLY out of tune, every word to every song. I'm certain that she was thinking that she was the 5th back-up singer. I told her at one point that her clothes didn’t match the outfits of those on stage, and that she was not only off key, but off the music chart all together ~ and I made a suggestion that she might want to hush a bit. (OK, I didn’t SAY that...outloud..but oh, how I wanted to)
Why do people think that when someone pays $125 per ticket to see a person who had over 30 albums, is an accomplished 40 year-professional with 10 band members and 4 back-up singers and 28 lighting and sound professionals, that I would enjoy her off-key rendition of Copacabana?

Despite the would-be-next-American-Idol, I still enjoyed ole Mr. Manilow, as he could still sing his oldies along with some other treasures from the antique music vault in perfect tune and with unbridled passion.
Barry found my gaze about half-way through the second song and for the rest of the night, he looked at me, and me alone, when crooning the most endearing love ballads.
(OK, he MIGHT have been looking at the guy in front of me but at those prices, let me have my fantasy)
Tomorrow, we head home, but I’ll still be in my Mani-Glow for a few days.
Music was the Passion last night.

Don't forget to check out my 2nd Day of Christmas Gift Ideas on the blog below!

Peg’s 12 Days of Christmas Gift Ideas ~ Day 2

You will know a minimum of 28 people who will love you forever when you surprise them with this winner of a gift!

Icuiti’s Video Eyewear – Turn a small DVD player’s screen into a virtual 44” screen in the privacy of a pair of glasses.
$269.95
$399.95 with portable DVD player $299.95 iWear made for Ipod video

Where? Sky Mall Magazine www.skymall.com

Worn like a pair of sunglasses, the AV230 also includes separate focus adjustments and built-in removable high quality stereo headphones (or use your own).

Ok, I’m trying to think of a DVD that I would want to see in 44” mode while wearing sunglasses.
I know…I just bought a 3 VD set on how to win at roulette, blackjack and craps. I could wear this device in the casinos, while sitting at the blackjack table and the dealer would just think I am one of the “locals”. Then I would win more $$ to buy more incredibly great, creative gifts!

Can you contain yourself to wait until tomorrow for Day Three's gift idea?

Peg’s 12 Days of Christmas Gift Ideas ~ Day 1

Can you believe that there are only 12 days before Santa comes down the chimney or through an unlocked window to visit the GOOD kids? Please remember to turn off your security alarms for the big fella on that special night. It just complicates his schedule with the occasional side trip to the pokey to explain that he was just trying to spread good cheer, not pilfer the family jewels.

Could you maybe use a little help with your Christmas shopping like my 39 year-old nephew Brian? He takes a couple of days off every year to shop. TRUE. Please don’t question his masculinity…I know, he really IS a guy…but he takes this gift-purchasing way too seriously, just like his Dad did. He will call five relatives at least 7 times an hour to ask questions while he is in the store. Yep. He is THAT guy.

Well, I thought I might help out others who are in a last minute quandary as to what new, interesting, fun gift they can bestow on a loved one. So, here is my attempt at being Santa’s little helper:

THE CHILDREN’S ATM BANK $39.95 Ages 8+ (3 AAA batteries included)

Where? Sky Mall Magazine www.skymall.com

This electronic teller machine helps little bankers learn money management as they maintain a savings account up to $999.99. (Hmm….maybe I should buy this for me ~ if I only could afford it)
The unit accepts real coin and currency deposits and gives up to date account information on its screen. The owner has their own ATM card and PIN for checking account balance, making deposits and withdrawing funds.

I can think of about 86 people who could benefit from learning how to use this gift PROPERLY.

Tomorrow ~ 2nd day Christmas idea for presents!

Signs, Signs, Everywhere There Are SIgns

We just returned from a fun side trip to Death Valley (2 hours from our hotel in Las Vegas). We toured all over the place looking at the mountains and then some other mountains and we finally finished up with seeing... more mountains. We followed signs that informed us of "Points of Interests" that could definitely be debated as "in the eye of the beholder".
That was yesterday and my friend Suzi wanted to see the sun rise over one of these mountains this morning. The problem was, we didn't know what time sun rise was. The people we asked the night before said they're "night people and the only time they see the sun rise is on the way home from an especially good party, and they hadn't been to such a party since the summer.
Well, the alarm went off in our room at 2:12 a.m. Apparently, the maid who cleaned the room prior to our arrival thought that would be a funny joke on the next residents. Suzi tried to turn off the alarm and un-wittingly, she also changed the time to an hour earlier. I awakened at 5 a.m. and showered. Just as I was finishing dressing, Susan comes around the corner looking kinda irritated. She informed me that her watch confirmed the fact that is was 4:15 a.m., not 5:15 a.m.

Anyway, we got to the sunrise mountain and climbed 600 yards up to a very cold vantage point and we didn't need to fight anyone over the best viewing location.
Susan wanted to get here early to get a jump on the crowds of people who had come up with the same grand idea that we (Suzi) had. Oh, wait ~ there WERE no crowds! We were the only ones up there, with teeth chattering and frozen tears on our faces. Not ONE other person decided to get up to help us greet the morning.
OK, so it was pretty, I must admit.

Back to driving to more "points of interests"...what I don't get is the signs that are posted every 4 miles for various animal crossings. How do these burros, long-horn sheep, roadrunner birds, kangaroo rats and turtles know exactly where they are to cross? Do they read signs? Did ONE person maybe on ONE day happen to see that particular species amble across the road so they decided to plant a sign at that spot?
I really can't imagine the turtle being able to look up that far to realize that maybe he is 30 yards off his "official crosswalk". What is his incentive to use that particular lane? Will he get a ticket if he moves 1/4 of a mile around the curve?

In Ohio I see the signs for Deer Crossing all the time. I have never ONCE seen a doe waiting at that sign to spring over to the other side of the street.

I think I'll put a sign up in front of my house on the street showing "Ant crossing" just to see if anyone slows down.

Las Vegas is MORE Than a $$ Gamble

Here I am in Las Vegas and I realized that the people who live here are used to taking chances. They drive worse than New Yorkers so one takes a chance just driving in this city. The parking on the strip is...not..so one must valet park at a hotel...and pray that the valet driver doesn't wreck the rental car that one didn't take out extra insurance on.
Then you takes a chance just giving the valet $1.00 or $2.00 because they may put a gambling curse on you and you will lose your mortgage money.
You take a chance just going into a casino because lung cancer hangs in the air, just for anyone's pickin'.
You take a chance going to a show here because the performer may call you up on stage and maybe you wore stretch pants that night.
You take a gamble just walking in a mall as someone minding a kiosk might approach you to give you a free hand massage with the best smelling $125 lotion I've ever bought.
And today we are going to a place called "Death Valley"..do you think that portends something of a gamble?

Lost (& LOSS) In Las Vegas

My trip to Las Vegas is going just dandy ~ with a few minor exceptions.
On my connection flight to Atlanta, I thought for sure that this Delta flight must have allowed smoking. My olfactory senses sniffed out 12 Marlboros, 28 Salem-Menthols and 15 Camel cigarettes that were within “striking” distance. As I watched people board, heading for the World Capital of sipping, smoking and sinning, I realized that this smoke I detected was just on the clothes of the people en route to their “destiny of wealth”.
I really wish that my lungs were not so sensitive to the offensive odor of stale cigarettes because then I wouldn’t have been coughing my head off through the grueling five hour flight. I must say that my friend, Suzi and I got a rather large kick out of observing the various ways people can wear a T-shirt with the words “Las Vegas”, a $$ sign and a deck of cards on it.

OK, enough whining (or “wining” if you’re in Las Vegas city limits). When Suzi and I rented our car and started out for the Gambling Mecca of the Universe, we drove out the wrong exit and had to turn around. About 4 miles later, we proceeded to take another wrong turn that eventually brought us back to a familiar sight…our Below Budget Car Rental lot again.
Sigh.
We then looked at each other and theorized that maybe we shouldn’t be going into the Riviera Casino on the Strip for gambling lessons. Were our guardian angels saying we didn’t need to learn how to play Roulette, Baccarat, and Texans-Hold-Them? (I was really looking forward to that last class…how do Texans hold them differently from any other State’s “studs”?)

We finally arrived at The Riviera and I was literally running to the doors marked “Nickel Slots…Win a Million”. Since we thought that we should use the restroom to be comfortable for all the instructions we were about to have, we made a quick pit stop. I was disappointed that each stall was not outfitted with a "one-armed bandit", as slot machines are so affectionately called.

After washing my hands, I waited for Suzi outside the restroom and lo and behold, there was a slot machine calling my name. I sat down and plunked in $4.00 and lost $4.00 in 22 seconds. Suzi rescued me and off we went to find the gambling-teacher-of-the-year who would soon fill our heads with the knowledge to break the banks of every casino on “The Strip”…

Sigh.
We kept asking casino personnel where the “Win Thousands at Gambling” lessons were being held and no one had a clue. We then found a teller at what looked like a bank with prison bars who worked hard to find an answer to our question. She called 3 people and the last person informed her that they haven’t had lessons in that casino for seven years.

GRRR….”ok, let’s just play a couple of slot machines,” Suzi suggested, trying to calm me down. We found our formerly favorite “Wheel of Fortune” machines and sat down side by side. When we had played this kind of game in Atlantic City 8 years ago, we had won $280 so we knew we would improve on that!
We lost $60 in just under 3 minutes…on the “Wheel of MIS-Fortune”!

Suzi then offered more perkiness. “Let’s go across the street to Circus-Circus Casino and watch one of the performing acts they are supposed to have going on 24/7…and they are FREE.”
As we got seated below the hanging net to catch the tight-rope walkers, I realized that I didn’t have my cell phone. I started to perspire like I was the one 65 feet up in the air balancing on one toe. I tried to get Suzi’s attention but she was busy praying the rosary for this Circus-toe-walker. (She isn’t even Catholic ~ I’m talking about Suzi, not the “Balancing Belinda”)
She eventually got the hint went I just got up and left as the crowd was applauding the fact that toe-woman would live to balance another day. Off we went to the Riviera again…looking everywhere from the bathrooms to the slot machines and ending our quest at the Security desk. No luck. Well, that’s not true. In view of the fact that we didn’t find the phone, I would call that “bad luck”, wouldn’t you?

I just wanted to go check in to our hotel room and cry and then sleep since we had been up since 3 a.m. When we got back in our rental car, there was my cell phone looking up at me from its safe place console compartment.
Now I think that I’ve lost my mind as well as directional sense and lots of money.

So, maybe today we will just go for a short ride to Hoover Dam and enjoy the beautiful surroundings…and hope we don’t LOSE anything.
Even though we received no formal instructions yesterday, I think I’ve learned my lesson.

p.s. Sean – sorry that my word count went WAY over today.

Santa - Let Me Thank You

Who could NOT like the character of Santa Claus? He has so many admirable traits.
He is jolly even though he has always been the chubbiest guy in his class. He is obviously more recognizable than both Britney Spears and Tiger Woods yet we never see him trading in his celebrity status by making commercials to help fund his December 25th expenditures. Santa has never yielded to the latest fashion trends like wearing earrings or shaving his head to a shiny glow. It appears that he could care less that he only has one suit to wear and that it is “dry clean only” and that the color might make him look “fat”.

He gave up smoking years ago, which might have contributed to that recent weight gain, but he wanted to set a good example for the youth of the world. He doesn’t seem to mind that he doesn’t own the ultimate driving machine and he still settles for the same old sleigh and cranky reindeers that he has used to “get around” since my Great-Great-Grandparents were kids. Over hundreds of years, Santa has never had to refer to Mapquest or invest in an expensive GPS system to navigate his route.

Santa doesn’t have an agent representing him who is asking for more money and production-driven “incentives” that might provide a comfy retirement package.
When SC has successfully finished his delivery in one of his targeted cities, you don’t find him celebrating with the Santa Shuffle or spiking a toy near the town hall ~ he just keeps working until his job is done. I wonder if the elves and reindeer even offer their boss a “high five” for the accomplishing this greatest feat on earth?

Here is one jovial guy who attempts to provide a little magic and love to every person on earth for just one day. He performs his job duties the same way, every year, seemingly with little thanks with the exception of a few stale cookies, some luke-warm milk and if he is really lucky, a hard peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I wonder how many thank-you notes SC receives AFTER December 25th? I’m sure it doesn’t compare with the letters of requests prior to the big day.

I would like to give Santa a present this year. I don’t know exactly what he wants as I’ve never seen his wish list. I think I would faint if I opened my mail one day to see a “Dear Peg…I have been a very good Santa this year and I would love to get an electric razor for Christmas this year.” YIKES…that is a NASTY nightmare!
My guess is that he doesn’t need or want a physical present or even recognition ~ but would probably love it if we would all treat others with a little more respect, sprinkled with kindness. I’m sure that he would let loose with a few more HO HO HO’s if we all lighten up and laugh a bit more.
I’ll try to do that…and to BE nice rather than naughty.

That…and maybe leave him a juicy, freshly grilled filet mignon accompanied by an amusing little glass of a 1983 Merlot...and a thank you note.

Flying Anxieties

I found an interesting bit of information as I was perusing archives from the AP (Associated Press) wire:
"More than half of U.S. commercial airports have runways that don't have a 1,000-foot margin at the end, an overrun area the federal government says is needed as a safety zone, according to a new report.
Some of the busiest airports in the country -- including Los Angeles International Airport, Chicago's O'Hare International Airport and Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport -- have more than one runway that doesn't meet safety standards, according to the Federal Aviation Administration."

The FAA says it is diligently upgrading runways. The agency expects that all of them will meet the standard by 2015, when they are legally required to do so, according to FAA spokeswoman Laura Brown.

But at 325 airports -- more than half of the 573 commercial airports in the United States -- at least one runway lacks the 1,000-foot safety zone, according to the FAA's figures. Almost half of all commercial runways -- 507 of 1,017 -- don't meet the standard.

I'm taking four airplane flights in the near future, with FOUR take-offs and landings from Atlanta, one of the afore-mentioned runways in need of adjusting.

(Just remember the good things I've done and sweep the rest under the ping pong table please.

OH, one additional concern:
CNN reported that an airplane had an un-scheduled stop to investigate a "security concern". 99 passengers and crew members were forced to de-plane. The problem? Someone had smelled sulfer, as in a struck match. Apparently a woman had passed gas and wanted to disguise the offending odor and instead, she got booted off the plane.

No beans for me prior to my flight departures!

A Name By Any Other.....

We all have been entertained by the unusual names of people...Ima Hogg, Pat McCann; Crystal Waters, Candy Hart, Harry Thigh, etc.
Here are some town names that some can be proud to acknowledge as their respective postal address...and some may be moving as soon as they can find a reasonably-named town like Columbus, Ohio.

Two Egg, Florida....maybe look for Oatmeal, Oregon?

Holy Moses, Colorado.....Wouldn't Holy Moses belong somewhere "out east"?

Hot Coffee, Missouri....must have been because of the McDonalds' scalding coffee law suit?

Why, Arizona that is REALLY a town... How about naming a town, Why Not, Kentucky?

Knockemstiff, Ohio...not for the limp-wristed but maybe thought of by a funeral director.

Looneyville, Texas...couldn't that town be in any State? And can you imagine trying to order a product by telephone and when they ask your mailing address you have to admit to living in a REAL Looneyville?
I'll bet they get real tired of all the jokes..

Nameless, Texas...should have been LAZY, Texas if they couldn't even think of a name!

Santa Claus, Indiana...or HO-HO, Arkansas

North Pole, Alaska...or Ho-Ho, Arkansas

Hell, Michigan...Ohio State fans LOVE this town..

On a popular MOVIE note:
The name for Oz in "The Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz."

The Land of “AN” may not have been as riveting as “OZ”

Aw, heck...what's in a name? Unless it's YOURS!

Change That Tune

I am amazed at the angels out there who are disguised as grocery store baggers, gas station attendants, and even strangers who may just quickly touch your life in a meaningful way.
We all have people whom we admire and want to emulate. In fact, when I was in my 30's and I thought that I might say or do something icky (technical term for really, really stupid), I would think of Judy Guth, a woman I barely knew from the bowling league I was in (until they suggested I take up shuffleboard). Judy, an elementary school teacher, always seemed to be genuinely sweet, happy and smart enough to stay clear of any silly conflicts or gossip. She was and is ~ a classy person. We were never really friends ~ just passing acquaintances (remember I told you she is a classy person) but I still admired her from a distance. Maybe it was a good thing that we never became best buddies because sometimes the people you hold in high esteem become human, complete with faults and frailties when you get to know them well. Now, I can still stop myself in a troubling situation and say, “I wonder how Judy Guth would respond to this.” She may never know how many times she, by proxy, has kept me out of trouble or allowed me to remember to “mind my manners”.

Now there are also times when I can be in a dark mood, overwhelmed by my own life’s challenges, and a total stranger will appear and lighten my load with a gift of kindness. A waitress might give me a compliment on my sweater…or the water meter guy might tell me the landscaping looks nice. It takes me a second to hear what they are saying as I am in the middle of ME…and then I tune them in, like sharpening a fuzzy station on the radio. I realize that half the time, I am listening to the wrong channel. I keep my frequency to the same old station, playing the same old sad songs. But then a nice person turns the “channel” for me to a new station that has something positive, upbeat and different from the static I had been listening to earlier.

If I keep learning, I can start changing the channel for others, too, by performing some random acts of kindness and getting my head out of the wrong programming.

WPEG here, signing off. Good day and good health.

The "WRONG" Way To Say "NO"

I know some individuals who have a very difficult time saying that tiny, yet somewhat intimidating word, "No". Maybe it depends upon to whom one is saying the negative answer. Examples: (you knew that was coming, didn't you?)
- I don't think it is so very difficult to say no to a telemarketer asking if I'm in need of a new set of truck tires, or to a TV survey asking for just 20 minutes of my time to answer a mere 135 questions regarding which geological dig on the Discovering Ancient Bones show most intrigued me. It may be easy to respond in the negative because we are not face to face with the person; we don't personally KNOW the caller; and we are not interested in the subject matter.

It gets a little dicey when the person asking a favor is a good friend or somewhat good relative. How do we turn down requests for either our time, money, or energy that we either truly cannot accomodate or just don't want to?

I've spent over 20,380 days on this earth wrestling with this dilema. As a self-proclaimed super salesperson, I have heard (and ignored) the word NO more times than Shirley Maclaine has gone into reincarnation trances. I was trained that the person (sales target) is NOT saying NO to ME, personally, but to the product I am attempting to gently stuff down their esophagus. Somehow the bite of the word still can cause deep, albeit, imaginary bruises.

The best way that I have heard to say no, yet still maintain a good relationship is to act like all of a sudden, you remembered your southern heritage and start to drawl like Ms. Georgia answering a question with the glazed over smiling expression at the Ms. America Pageant. "Why, I just don't believe that I want to have any more fighting continue in little ole I-Rock anymore."

In college I knew a student who hailed from the south and I felt like she had given me a compliment one day when she said with a big grin, "Why, Peggy..why don't you just run along to he_ _ now, ok?"

So, here are MY three Money-back GUARANTEED SUCCESSFUL HINTS to blowing off the requestor:
1) Be honest 2) Smile when giving the bad news and 3) Act like a southern Ms. America (or Mr. Universe) contestant.

Oh, crud...someone just rang my doorbell selling lightbulbs for the benefit of dim-wits everywhere. I tried my three fool-proof methods but I had not anticipated that the 18 year old standing at the door shivering in a tattered light jacket while working in an ice storm, would start to cry.

I now have 13 cases of 10 watt bulbs in my living room.

It wasn't just the tears that he shed...oh, no...but this sentence that my young salesman laid on me was the kicker ~ "Ma'm (in a FARTHER southern drawl than mine) Yes only has one more letter than No"...He continued..."if you could just find it in your heart..."

I'm such a soft touch that all door to door salesmen have me marked on their map with a big star.

Football Fan Comfort

My nephew, Brian (38), LOVES the Cincinnati Bengals football team and his birthday is next week. The Bengals happen to be playing the biggest game of the season tomorrow night here in Cincinnati. They are 6-5 and their opponent, The Baltimore something-or-others, are 9-2. Both teams are in the AFC North division and there are play-off concerns with this BIG GAME. Knowing what a fan Brian is, I asked him if he wanted to drive the 2 hours from Columbus to here to watch the game. HE assumed that I had tickets to the actual game and was inviting him the the stadium, not my home. Why would I do that?

Silly boy. He was all excited like I was sending him to the Vatican to meet the Pope personally. No, come to think of it, I think he would rather shake Carson Palmer’s hand than kiss the Pontiff’s ring.

I just don’t “get” why people want to live, breathe and party with that rowdy, almost un-civilized world of professional football tail-gating fans. If people did what these devotees do outside of a stadium atmosphere, many of them would be seeking legal counsel.

I told Brian that I had meant that he could come to my home where we have a nice big screen TV so he can see the action so closely that the number of dental fillings behind Chad Johnson’s broad smile could be meticulously scrutinized. He could sit on a comfortable leather recliner that is more than 15 inches wide with NO one sitting next to him where he would have to sit up and down when they do. I went on to entice him with a bathroom available a mere seven steps away ~ with toilets that flushed; both hot and cold running water and fresh, clean hand towels. The temperature inside would be a nice cozy 70 degrees with no wind or rain.
None of this impressed him. He wanted the “real atmosphere”….so I told him I would turn off the hot water, remove the hand-towels and plug up the toilet. As he was sitting on a hard wooden chair to watch the game, I would serve him a cold hot dog wrapped in a wet paper thin tissue and charge him $7.00 for a warm, half spilled, off-brand beer. With windows wide open and the fans set at maximum gusts, I thought I could add to his authentic experience by a promise to stand behind him, kick his seat and yell for the other team while occasionally trickling beer on his head. I would also assure him that I would stand in front of him when it was 4th and inches on the Ravens 1 foot line and then turn off the TV for any replays. Maybe to top off his event, I will move his car so after the game, he would have to walk a mile in the rainy 45 % weather to go home.

I know that after checking the ticket prices and the weather forecast, I like the idea of watching the game from my living room with the accommodating seating arrangements, warmth index, water closet location and replay capability. I can spend the $250 for the two game tickets on one heck of a nice grilled steak dinner at half time, complete with a glass or two of a vintage 1978 Merlot and a shot of “The Dew” to celebrate the win.

Brian, for your 55th birthday I'll bet you'll want to join me in my living room to watch the game. I just hope my rocking chair doesn't make too much noise to interfere with your enjoyment.

Animal House

I took my 13 year old Yorkie-poo, Bailey, to the Veterinarian’s office yesterday. The main problem was that he (Bailey, not the vet) kept scooting his little rear end on the carpet, making lovely art drawings that made me wonder if he might have worms ~ or possibly, a squelched desire to boast a doggie-art showing at some canine art gallery? I arrived at the office bearing a “gift” for the vet’s assistant in the form of an obligatory stool sample for testing. I really didn’t enjoy that task but at least I wasn’t the one inspecting the “doo-doo” up close and personal.

Upon entering the lobby of the Dr. Wag’s (not his REAL name) office, I noticed a couple of things:
1)He has an enormous 200 gallon fish tank embedded below the welcome counter…and the 40 or 50 fish are actually swimming and living! This surprised me based upon my experience growing up with a 2 pint tank and two goldfish that swam a motionless back-stoke in the toilet more than in the tank. I always wondered why Bonnie & Clyde kept making a clean “get-away” with Mom quickly replacing them. I can still hear the toilet flush and Mom whispering a hurried “May they rest in peace”. The fish tank is a nice touch in that the animals coming in for treatment can go nose to nose with another creature that appears healthy. Maybe it even calms the patient so the nervous shaking (of the animal, not the owner) is kept to a minimum, without causing undue alarm with a possible spike on the earthquake seismograph.

2)There is a TV monitor that plays a show on a continuous loop. No, they don’t show old movies of Lassie but they do have a slide presentation of about 50 dogs and cats that look like they were just groomed and posed for an Alpo commercial, without Lorne Greene. This certainly kept ME entertained, while Bailey sniffed the aquatic life. Of course, I compared every snapshot of Rufus, Boomer, Woody, Madonna and Fido with my pictures of Bailey and not ONE of THEM could beat MY POOCH for cuteness in a mug shot line-up or in the afore-mentioned Alpo commercial.

Even though there was entertainment for both the patient and the owner, I would have preferred a wet bar and some smutty novels to keep me occupied. After the exam of Bailey and a young assistant taking him into another room to “express” his little anal glands, the bill was $103.85. At least they gave him a shot and 7 pills. Since HE got the shot, I’m taking the pills. Seems only fair, don’t you think?

Actually, I think I prefer the carpet doggie-art to that whole experience and I KNOW my wallet does!

I Slept LATE on Black Friday

Yesterday on Thanksgiving, my wonderful family came over. Eight luminous beings who brighten my day whenever I spend even a smidgen of time with ANY ONE of them!
They came at 10:48 a.m. and left at 8:36 p.m. Each one, except 5 month old Parker, pitched in and helped with all chores. We ate appetizers for 2 hours, followed by two meals and dessert. They all helped clean up so that my kitchen looked better than before they arrived. We played lots of games, both sitting and standing, although Annie and I should have RUN a bit more and maybe we could have beaten Brian & Sean at Ping Pong.
I was kidded unmercifully by "the boys" about numerous things and it reminded me of when Dave and Dad would do the same to Mom. I reacted just like Mom did, which did surprise me but it actually felt good.
At one point playing cards with Annie, Angela, Brian, Sean and Connie, I had both Griffin and Cooper on my lap and I whispered to myself, "Life is Great, God".
Uh, maybe that was AFTER I won at Wizard...

It had been along day since I had awakened a bit early to feed the dog, cat and take one of them for a walk and get prepare for the day's festivities.
When everyone left, I sat with Bailey and stared into space for an hour while I counted my plethora of blessings and shuffled to bed, tired but happy. Well, I remember waking up after 10 hours of sleep in my bed so I think I transported myself there.

So, today is Black Friday. That seems like an ominous title for a day of smiles to procure great sales on present people are buying for their friends and family whom they love.
Think about how you feel when hearing or reading some words that reflect "black"... "his face turned dark with anger"...or..."The student received 5 black marks in 15 minutes!"...or..."it was a dark and dreary night"...or..."the guy got "black-balled" from the club for marrying Madonna"...well, you get my drift.

This "Black Friday" is named bacause retailers have the opportunity to turn their 11 months of lousy "in the red" financials into a profitable "in the black" year because of people buying so many Christmas presents in one day. 365 days in the year and one Black Friday saves the world. I kinda feel like I'm not doing my part because I spend a ton on money all year at non-discounted prices and here I am sleeping in and not taking advantage of the 79% off "DEALS" I can get today.
Doesn't make sense to me.

But I am thankful that I was lucky enough to enjoy my family for a day of togetherness...but I did miss my almost 14 year old great nephew, Connor, who had other plans.

Hey, I just found (18 month) Cooper's Mickey Mouse cap in the refrigerator's crisper drawer. I TOLD you everyone pitched in to help!

Hey, A Little Service, Please!

Yesterday I visited an auto dealership to have a minor problem fixed on my 2005 Buick LaCrosse. I had made an appointment so I was disappointed right off the bat with their greeting. The cheery, starched-collared service manager, Jerry, informed me that “we are a little short-handed today” and “it may be 25 minutes before someone can get to your vehicle.” Ms. Grump (that would be ME)said to herself, “Oh, here we go ~ I’ll be here all day. This will probably cost an arm, leg and half an eyebrow.” (I can be such a merry little gal sometimes)

I was ushered into the waiting room and was surprised to see it cleaner than the last time I spent 3 frustrating hours there. WOW, I saw people in comfortable chairs surfing the internet on computers that were provided. The smell was quite different from the musty, oil-soaked aroma I had experienced a few months earlier. My nose caught the distinctive scent of fresh-baked donuts and freshly brewed vanilla-bean coffee. Why, Ms. Grump turned into Ms. Ecstatic until, when I reached for a donut, an electric shock pulsated through my being like what Ben Franklin must have felt while attempting to fly a kite with a key. It was my conscious. CRUD!
At first I thought that maybe the dealership was watching out for our health and attempting to dissuade empty calories from jumping on innocent clients by hooking up a mini-electric shocker.
I’ve heard of “sticker-shock” but never “cream-puff shock.”

OK, maybe they didn’t have the donuts rigged like an electric chair. I was caught a little off guard with the spruced-up waiting room which I had nick-named “fuming room” and hung a sign to that effect during my prior stay. So maybe my imagination got carried away with the bouquet of the bismark.
I actually enjoyed my next 40 minutes as I was able to get some work done on the computer station they had recently installed.
Jerry, the service manager, returned with my keys explaining that not only was the problem fixed, there would be no charge since the car was under warranty.
“We washed your car and it’s waiting for you out the front door. Happy Thanksgiving!”
I mumbled an embarrassed “thank you” as I remembered my first thoughts of how I originally visualized what a catastrophe this stopover would pan out to be. I really don't like being SO wrong and then to add insult to injury (whatever that means), when I opened my car door, I found a juicy red apple on the driver’s seat accompanied by a hand-signed thank you card. Sigh.

Now I really felt mortified about my original negativity.

You don’t suppose they would mind if I showed up every day to have them check “a little rattle under the hood?” I could have breakfast and get some work done.

(I know you are thinking, “Peg, I think that you may have more than a little rattle under YOUR hood!)

Thanksgiving Done RIGHT

When I was growing up, my Mom insisted that I help her cook from the time I could use a step-stool to reach the counter. She was an awesome and patient teacher and never ONCE required me to react to her directives by saying, “YES, CHEF!”
One Thanksgiving, she gave me the opportunity to read the “turkey dressing” recipe for home-made turkey stuffing and add the seasonings in with the croutons she had made 3 days earlier. She busied herself on another preparation task by cooking the giblets to be added later to the gravy. The challenge for me in MY task was that I must have missed the “class” on reading her writing. Her T for Tablespoon looked a LOT like her t for teaspoon.
Instead of 4 TEASPOONS of salt, I added 4 TABLESPOONS, which for you novice chefs, is almost 3 times what is needed. Mom caught me just as I was adding the last mound of salt and she screamed like Elvis himself had just appeared in the doorway (keep in mind, that this WAS a long time ago). She tried to “fix” my salty mistake and calmed herself as she muttered something about “she’s no Julia Child”…
From then on, Mom continued to bestow upon me...all kinds of helpful ideas.

Thursday I will have 5 adults and 3 children, ages 6 months; 19 months and 6 years, over for a dinner that Mom spent 46 years teaching me to do right.
This is what I am going to do:
I will wear a whistle and as people arrive they will each be given a task to complete regarding the preparing, cooking and cleaning. They will have a time table for each entry. I will use the whistle to get attention ONLY is I need to.

Guest arrive at 11 a.m. – NOT BEFORE….I need my rest.

Dinner – 2:14 p.m.

Peg – Put turkey in oven at 9:18 a.m.
Connie – Make sure Peg keeps everybody else on track and doesn't drink too much. That could muffle the whistle.
Brian – Make sure everyone has what they want to drink
Annie – Make chili appetizer at 11:20 a.m.
Angela – Put out shrimp at 11:30 a.m.
Sean – Put out cheese and cracker at 11:30 a.m.
Keep kids out of the kitchen
Brian – Pull turkey from the oven at 1:28 p.m.
Put potato casserole in oven at 1:35 p.m.
Carve turkey at 1:58 p.m.
Angela – Put green bean casserole in oven at 1:50 p.m.
Take green bean casserole out of oven at 2:10 p.m.
Take potato casserole out of oven at 2:10 p.m.
- Make crescent rolls and put in oven at 1:58 p.m.
- Take crescent rolls out at 2:12 p.m.
Sean – Make salad at 1:55 p.m.
Annie-belle & Griffin – Dress table at 1 p.m. including butter and water pitcher
Annie-belle – Make dressing and put in microwave when you are supposed to.
- start gravy at 1:45 p.m.
Griffin – light candles at 2:10 p.m.
Sean – Pour water and wine at 2:05 p.m.

Dinner is served at 2:14 p.m.
Sean – Blessing

2:18 – Everyone helps clear dishes
2:20 p.m., Brian & Sean do dishes

2:40 p.m. games – Connie in charge

4 p.m. dessert – Angela coordinates

More games and frivolity

6 - 6:30 p.m. Ping Pong tournament ~ Peg wins.

8 p.m, Everyone leaves after cleaning up downstairs and taking trash out.

Friday – Everyone writes me a thank you note to me for all the work I did.

I’m grateful to have such a cooperative family.

Mom taught me right, and for that, I am truly thankful.

Burning Up The Phone Lines

Last night I checked my email to find a message from a good friend from my college days (1973)...
Oh crud, I always thought people were old who used the words from the ____ "DAYS". Now here I am doing it!
But actually, Jennie, who lives in Phoenix, and I have kept in contact and we try to connect about every 4 to 6 months.

Anyway, in the email, Jennie was asking for confirmation that a mutual friend of ours had died. Apparently she had discovered this information when she was bored and decided to look up old acquaintances on the www. and googled our friend, Susie. My answering this kind of question by email didn't seem appropriate so I punched Jennie's number on my phone. It was tough to call her to give her the details of Susie's passing because they weren't pretty.

As we talked, we reminisced a bit. I think I tend to "freeze frame" the people from "my past" and remember snippets of who they were when I saw them the last time..even if it's been a month or 30 years...my "freze frames may look like:
Is the person still 120 pounds; laughing hysterically at their own jokes (hmmm..that might still be ME); playfully fighting with their boyfriend, Harold; flippin' burgers at Joe's;sliding into home face-first; wearing the lampshade on the head without anything else; playing guitar at the Maplewood Inn; eating pizza with peanut-buttter; smokin' a bit of wacky weed now and then; a republican?

Talking with Jennie last night was great, as usual. We not only gave tribute to Susie, but we also recollected random old stories and events and wondered together how _____ is. That was nice. We continued chatting but now it was about new stuff, which is even nicer.
Before I called Jennie, I was feeling lousy with remnants of a cold, but after I hung up, I felt great.

I freeze frame the thought that talking long distance USED to (in the "OLDEN DAYS") cost about 50 cents a minute! I know you young whipper-snappers can't imagine THAT, but it's true.
What was extra special last night was that I could talk with Jennie for free! Well, I have unlimited long distance with my phone package so it FEELS free.
So, why don't I call her more frequently?

And why didn't I call Susie more often?