Animal House

I took my 13 year old Yorkie-poo, Bailey, to the Veterinarian’s office yesterday. The main problem was that he (Bailey, not the vet) kept scooting his little rear end on the carpet, making lovely art drawings that made me wonder if he might have worms ~ or possibly, a squelched desire to boast a doggie-art showing at some canine art gallery? I arrived at the office bearing a “gift” for the vet’s assistant in the form of an obligatory stool sample for testing. I really didn’t enjoy that task but at least I wasn’t the one inspecting the “doo-doo” up close and personal.

Upon entering the lobby of the Dr. Wag’s (not his REAL name) office, I noticed a couple of things:
1)He has an enormous 200 gallon fish tank embedded below the welcome counter…and the 40 or 50 fish are actually swimming and living! This surprised me based upon my experience growing up with a 2 pint tank and two goldfish that swam a motionless back-stoke in the toilet more than in the tank. I always wondered why Bonnie & Clyde kept making a clean “get-away” with Mom quickly replacing them. I can still hear the toilet flush and Mom whispering a hurried “May they rest in peace”. The fish tank is a nice touch in that the animals coming in for treatment can go nose to nose with another creature that appears healthy. Maybe it even calms the patient so the nervous shaking (of the animal, not the owner) is kept to a minimum, without causing undue alarm with a possible spike on the earthquake seismograph.

2)There is a TV monitor that plays a show on a continuous loop. No, they don’t show old movies of Lassie but they do have a slide presentation of about 50 dogs and cats that look like they were just groomed and posed for an Alpo commercial, without Lorne Greene. This certainly kept ME entertained, while Bailey sniffed the aquatic life. Of course, I compared every snapshot of Rufus, Boomer, Woody, Madonna and Fido with my pictures of Bailey and not ONE of THEM could beat MY POOCH for cuteness in a mug shot line-up or in the afore-mentioned Alpo commercial.

Even though there was entertainment for both the patient and the owner, I would have preferred a wet bar and some smutty novels to keep me occupied. After the exam of Bailey and a young assistant taking him into another room to “express” his little anal glands, the bill was $103.85. At least they gave him a shot and 7 pills. Since HE got the shot, I’m taking the pills. Seems only fair, don’t you think?

Actually, I think I prefer the carpet doggie-art to that whole experience and I KNOW my wallet does!