Lost (& LOSS) In Las Vegas

My trip to Las Vegas is going just dandy ~ with a few minor exceptions.
On my connection flight to Atlanta, I thought for sure that this Delta flight must have allowed smoking. My olfactory senses sniffed out 12 Marlboros, 28 Salem-Menthols and 15 Camel cigarettes that were within “striking” distance. As I watched people board, heading for the World Capital of sipping, smoking and sinning, I realized that this smoke I detected was just on the clothes of the people en route to their “destiny of wealth”.
I really wish that my lungs were not so sensitive to the offensive odor of stale cigarettes because then I wouldn’t have been coughing my head off through the grueling five hour flight. I must say that my friend, Suzi and I got a rather large kick out of observing the various ways people can wear a T-shirt with the words “Las Vegas”, a $$ sign and a deck of cards on it.

OK, enough whining (or “wining” if you’re in Las Vegas city limits). When Suzi and I rented our car and started out for the Gambling Mecca of the Universe, we drove out the wrong exit and had to turn around. About 4 miles later, we proceeded to take another wrong turn that eventually brought us back to a familiar sight…our Below Budget Car Rental lot again.
Sigh.
We then looked at each other and theorized that maybe we shouldn’t be going into the Riviera Casino on the Strip for gambling lessons. Were our guardian angels saying we didn’t need to learn how to play Roulette, Baccarat, and Texans-Hold-Them? (I was really looking forward to that last class…how do Texans hold them differently from any other State’s “studs”?)

We finally arrived at The Riviera and I was literally running to the doors marked “Nickel Slots…Win a Million”. Since we thought that we should use the restroom to be comfortable for all the instructions we were about to have, we made a quick pit stop. I was disappointed that each stall was not outfitted with a "one-armed bandit", as slot machines are so affectionately called.

After washing my hands, I waited for Suzi outside the restroom and lo and behold, there was a slot machine calling my name. I sat down and plunked in $4.00 and lost $4.00 in 22 seconds. Suzi rescued me and off we went to find the gambling-teacher-of-the-year who would soon fill our heads with the knowledge to break the banks of every casino on “The Strip”…

Sigh.
We kept asking casino personnel where the “Win Thousands at Gambling” lessons were being held and no one had a clue. We then found a teller at what looked like a bank with prison bars who worked hard to find an answer to our question. She called 3 people and the last person informed her that they haven’t had lessons in that casino for seven years.

GRRR….”ok, let’s just play a couple of slot machines,” Suzi suggested, trying to calm me down. We found our formerly favorite “Wheel of Fortune” machines and sat down side by side. When we had played this kind of game in Atlantic City 8 years ago, we had won $280 so we knew we would improve on that!
We lost $60 in just under 3 minutes…on the “Wheel of MIS-Fortune”!

Suzi then offered more perkiness. “Let’s go across the street to Circus-Circus Casino and watch one of the performing acts they are supposed to have going on 24/7…and they are FREE.”
As we got seated below the hanging net to catch the tight-rope walkers, I realized that I didn’t have my cell phone. I started to perspire like I was the one 65 feet up in the air balancing on one toe. I tried to get Suzi’s attention but she was busy praying the rosary for this Circus-toe-walker. (She isn’t even Catholic ~ I’m talking about Suzi, not the “Balancing Belinda”)
She eventually got the hint went I just got up and left as the crowd was applauding the fact that toe-woman would live to balance another day. Off we went to the Riviera again…looking everywhere from the bathrooms to the slot machines and ending our quest at the Security desk. No luck. Well, that’s not true. In view of the fact that we didn’t find the phone, I would call that “bad luck”, wouldn’t you?

I just wanted to go check in to our hotel room and cry and then sleep since we had been up since 3 a.m. When we got back in our rental car, there was my cell phone looking up at me from its safe place console compartment.
Now I think that I’ve lost my mind as well as directional sense and lots of money.

So, maybe today we will just go for a short ride to Hoover Dam and enjoy the beautiful surroundings…and hope we don’t LOSE anything.
Even though we received no formal instructions yesterday, I think I’ve learned my lesson.

p.s. Sean – sorry that my word count went WAY over today.