Who Gives a Hoot

My latest conundrum (I love that word) is being awakened by the annoying sound of woodpeckers doing what woodpeckers do best against the side of my house. I wonder why they do that. Haven’t we all heard the phrase, “Oh, you’re just beating your head against the wall” ~ interpreted as, “quit it…you are not solving any problems and you are hurting yourself!”
So, haven’t woodpeckers heard this famous saying? What exactly are they trying to accomplish, anyway? Is there a “Pecking Olympics” being held somewhere in our neighborhood? If there is, my little Woody is certainly training hard for it.
Now please understand that I am all for sports, competition and athletic training, but my insurance company frowns upon claims for damage done by members of the aviary world. So, I decided to contact my local bird store and ask for assistance. Phil was quite helpful, informing me that an owl would certainly scare off woodpeckers. Since he didn’t have a real live owl to sell me, he sold me a 24 inch plastic owl with a swerving head and a sound that resembles a sick goat that emits from little “Oscar”. I felt compelled to give a name to our “Guard-Owl” since I don’t want to say, “Hey, you ~ you’re mid-morning break is up, starting hooting.”
Phil also suggested that I should change the position and location of Oscar or the woodpeckers would “catch on” and return to their pecking order. Now if a woodpecker is so dumb as to beat their beak against a hard object all day, are they smart enough to discern a plastic Oscar from a real owl?
$25.95 says I should pay attention to Phil. Plus the fact that after 5 days without changing Oscar’s placement, there were FIVE Woody’s at the side of my house, competing now in the Pecking Olympic trials.

I returned to the store with Oscar tucked under my arm, requesting a refund from Phil. He pointed to the sign that said, “ALL SALES ARE FINAL, which to me says he joined the Woodpecker brigade in “not giving a hoot”.
Surprisingly, I did buy one more item from dear Phil ~ a shovel.