The Gift That Keeps On COSTING...or...What We Do To Keep Friendships

I love my family.
I love my friends.
I love presents.

However, sometimes I don't love the gifts that are bestowed on me from my family and friends.


Have YOU ever received a gift that cost YOU more than your last car?


THE MIME
One year for Christmas, my best friend gave me a poster of THE MIME...I never did slap it up on my bedroom wall because after all, I wasn't in college anymore where I used to secure my David Cassidy posters all over my dorm room with scotch tape. I needed a nice, classy frame. Unfortunately, I kept forgetting to get one.
Lynne kept asking me why I hadn't hung up my Christmas present yet. I kept telling her that I was thinking of moving and I hated to put another tape mark on the wall.
(I have to say that Lynne never thought that I was thrilled with the gifts she chose for me over the years and I think that she felt a little insecure about their acceptance.
Oh, well....)

So, fast forward 10 months and I received a lucrative job offer in the thriving metropolis of Toledo. The move was not fun but what move is?
I had totally forgotten about my rolled-up poster that had long-ago been packed away.
Forgotten, that is, until my generous gift-giving friend, Lynne, called me at work one day to tell me she wanted to come visit me at my new apartment. She had given me three weeks to get settled and was anxious to see my new "digs."
"Great! When are you coming?" I asked.
"This weekend ~ and I can't wait to see where you put the MIME poster!"
I kinda murmured an obligatory, "Yippee" and added "I can't wait to see you..."

GULP..PANIC!
I had 4 days to find the poster, take it to a frame shop and hang it up before she knocked on my front door. I found that big-city Toledo hosted just ONE frame shop within 40 miles, but at least I found a place to help me out. Whoa...I still needed to find the Mr. MIME!
I left work at lunch time, trucked home and tore through packed boxes in my nervous attempt to capture the sucker. After 45 minutes, I found it but in my haste to retrieve it from it's hiding place, I ripped it. This was a big time tear that the nuns working on The Shroud of Turin couldn't help.

"Oh, crud"...and other words not quite ready for prime-time spilled out of me like Old Faithful.
Where was I going to get a new MIME replacement and have it framed in time to spare my friend jail time from the crime she would, without a doubt, commit against me? (an offense that the attorneys on Boston Legal would have trouble defending?)

I had an idea. I called Hilda, the friend of Lynne's who accompanied her when she bought the poster 11 months earlier. She, after 15 minutes, remembered the name of the shop where it had been purchased ~ but it was in Columbus, 2 hours away! I called the number anyway and sure enough, they had the poster, with one MAJOR difference ~ it had been signed by the artist. "Oh, crab-cakes!!" (and other expletives)
Now this "present" would cost me $65.00 (instead of $12.00 for an un-signed print like Lynne had given me) Then he offered to overnight it to me for an added $16.00.
"OK, I guess it's better than getting maimed." (a remark the clerk obviously didn't hear or care if he heard)

The print arrived the next day and I rushed it over to the frame shop. They told me they could have it double-matted and framed by Monday, or Saturday by the latest.
"Oh, rat puppies!" She's coming Friday!"
After begging the manager to finish the project in two days and consequently agreeing to a 20% up-charge for a rush job, I was promised my MIME would be done on time. I paid the entire $185 upfront to save time when I came in on Friday.

As you can imagine, when Friday came,I was as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.
I left work early and picked up the framed autographed print without major incident except a blithe remark whispered by the manager as I was leaving, "At least she didn't CRY today."
I raced home with my prize but then found myself in a quandary as to where the heck to place this HUGE piece of artwork (the nomenclature morphs from a poster to a print to a piece of art when money escalates close to the national debt).
I didn't have time to re-arrange my whole apartment to find a place for this 24"x48" intruder. The only spot in my tiny dwelling that had a blank wall was in my bedroom.
I grabbed a hammer and the appropriate hanging materials and just as I centered Mr. Mime, I heard THE KNOCK.
"IT'S LYNNE!"..my heart pounded. I calmed myself with self-talk ~ "Settle down, Peg...it ok now....she'll never know you ripped her present."

After the mandatory "hello hugs" Lynne started her own self-tour of the apartment and repeatedly said, "well, where is it?"
"What are you looking for?", I coyly responded.
"Oh, you know", as she slapped me playfully on the shoulder, "the MIME!"
As she finally found it on the bedroom wall I could tell that she was disappointed that it hadn't secured a grander placement for itself in the living room. I cut her thinking off by spewing, "Oh, I just LOVE waking up every day to gaze upon the beautiful MIME!"
THAT seemed to mollify her a bit. I finally started to relax and as I guided her out of the room with the promise of a glass of her favorite adult libation, she stopped abruptly..spun around and headed back to the "art".

"This isn't the same print that I got you," she accused.
"Oh, CRAP!, I breathed...she noticed the autograph!"
"Wh..what are you talking about?" I stammered.
"The print that I bought for you wasn't signed."
"Oh, yeah...but I was in great luck...the artist was in town and I took it over to the art gallery and he signed it for me," I lied.

"Oh, cool" she responded.

That happened 18 years ago. She still doesn't know.
I've asked for Christmas cookies every year since then.
But I still haven't forgiven HER for costing me over $260 for my $12 Christmas present!


Wait until tomorrow's article when I tell you about a present a family member gave me that cost me even more!