The Gift That Is Driving Me "Nuts"

I was "lucky" enough to receive a beautiful small bird feeder as a gift last winter. Since the cute little feathered friends don't rely on supplemental cuisine until late fall, I just recently gave this "present" a high profile place of honor.

We have a scenic backyard facing a wooded area, so I decided to hang the feeder on a small Dogwood tree. I was giddy with excitement at the prospect of sitting on my enclosed back porch to witness the variety of hungry birds flocking to their new "dining room".

I settled into my favorite stuffed chair, accompanied by a nice cup of cider and waited.
WOW! Sure enough, they must have heard the dinner bell and I sat astonished that within an hour, I saw cardinals and woodpeckers and finches and....lions and tigers and bears, Oh, MY!
OK, I didn't see lions, tigers and bears but I DID see rats with tails that some would call "squirrels" invading the party. I was so frustrated that these bullies were scaring off the delicate birds and inhaling the grub like football players before the "big game".
Their table manners left a lot to be desired too, with BIRD food flying everywhere.
Don't squirrels know they are supposed to be eating NUTS, not bird seed?

Plan A - I'll move the feeder to the outer branch where the fury-creatures CAN'T reach and the feathered creatures CAN. WRONG...these squirrels were trained by P.T. Barnum himself. They flew through the air with all four paws spread to acquire a precarious spot on top of the feeder. They would then balance like a tight-rope walker as the little feeder swayed, then contorted themselves upside down to pilfer the goods.

I called the local authorities to discuss my options as to the methods of ridding myself and my bird-friends of the invaders. They weren't much help at all as they informed me that I could get jail time for what I had in mind.

Plan B - I decided to visit the local WILD BIRDS UNLIMITED store, apparently so I get get confused with the 37 different "squirrel-proof" feeders one can acquire, not to mention what currency could get separated from my wallet. I purchased shepherd's hook to attach the feeder on and hopefully the squirrels would just slide off. WRONG. I have Houdini squirrels and they scampered up the pole like it was a ladder.

Now I have NO BIRDS at ALL visiting my "gift"...

Plan C - Spend MORE money and procure a better anti-Squirrel feeder. $90. bought the perfect EAT-AT-PEG'S aviary restaurant. This is not a birdhouse anymore, but a glass spiral container for bird-munchies, hanging from the same Dogwood tree.

I didn't want to waste the original present of the cute birdhouse so I strapped it to the deck railing for the squirrels. They seem to be playing poker as they eat, scratch their furry bellies and burp. At least now I can now watch both species enjoy a frugal repast.

The cost of my "gift" was a total of $221.45 when I include gasoline for 4 trips to the store, the first month's worth of bird and squirrel cuisine and the two new feeders.

It would be greatly appreciated that any future gifts should be able to fit in my wallet please.