The Perks of a Grand Opening

I read in the paper that a new "prototype" Kroger store was going to be opening at 8 a.m. today. The first 300 people through the door would receive a $10.00 Kroger card. I convinced my friend, Suzi, and my nephew Sean to go and reap the same benefits I knew I would get.

Sean arrived 4 minutes before we did and received his $10.00 card and a rose.
The problem was, the store ACTUALLY opened at 7 a.m. and thus...WE missed the first 300 lucky ducks by 14 "guests". We DID receive a rose, however...AND the listening pleasure of a local high school marching band playing (quite loudly) as they paraded around the beets, tomatoes and lettuce. Then there was the obligatory clown sweltering in his costume so I don't know how "Funny" he might have been.

By the way, there were about 45 people walking around in tuxedos asking if we needed any help..or questions answered..(not ONE knew the capital of Wyoming)..and then they always punctuated the conversation with, "Enjoy your shopping experience, as a guest, you're important to us"...as I started to leave with my cart overflowing, the security guard asked for my receipt. I told him if I were a true GUEST, do I have to PAY for my experience? I've NEVER charged any guest at my home for their dinner. AND I give out free doggie bags filled with left-overs! (now I suppose a small tip WOULD be appreciated)

So, back to the "experience"..Joe Nuxhall (former Reds pitcher and semi-retired sports broadcaster) was signing autographs in the furniture section. (this "prototype Kroger prides itself in being "more than food" so they have about 6 chairs and 3 picture frames and 10 towels to buy too)

One could have eaten enough in free food samples to prepare for 4 weeks on Survivor Island. I missed the samples of Pepto Bismal..

We received a free emergency kit. I haven't had an emergency yet so I don't know what is in it.

Although we missed our $10.00 gift card, we utilized a 10% off your purchase certificate that we received in the mail. Using that, along with my discount Kroger PLUS card, I received $19.95 off my groceries that I ultimately HAD to go back and pay for or end up with a FREE ride to the pokey.

This Krogers has a gas pump that as a member of the "Kroger Family" (first I'm a GUEST, then a FAMILY MEMBER..but I still have to pay?), I received 10 cents off every gallon of gasoline I purchase. Again, there was yet another tuxedoed gentleman dispensing coupons at the pump so I received: 2 dozen eggs; 1 lb of bacon; 2 pounds of Dole lettuce (isn't that the brand that had comtaminated product a few weeks ago?) AND my gas was 10 cents cheaper! I only filled 2 gallons but it was worth it for the coupon-freebies, right?

The only problem, I mused as I drove off, was that if I had gone to Walmart, I might not have spent a total of $198.76 for my $23.00 of "freebies".

I guess the "tuxedos" are counting on that.

Senior Moments

I remember when my 50th birthday rolled around...I received an un-solicited AARP membership card. ARGHH!!

But the sting went away as I realized I would not be enjoying TRUE senior discounts for years. AARP is just selling their membership and will probably lower the age to 35 in a couple of years. Hey, I just turned 55 in February and feel like I'm in my mid 30's (whoops, my mid-30's weren't that great..but that's another blog).

This week I felt a much bigger sting...like a mammoth Texas-sized yellow-jacket poised to munch on me big time...and it all happened in just one day.

I went to Frisches Big Boy for lunch and almost fell out of my booth when my eyes (bifoculed at that) glanced over at the Senior Menu - Age 55 and older.

WHAT?!!??!

I had actally been considering ordering a salad that would have saved me $1.20 on that "older" menu, but I decided to change my order to an entree not available to those with dentures.

I then determined that maybe at my age, I needed some exercise so I went to a local golf course that I had never played before. When I asked the golf pro how much the green fees were, he just pointed to a sign that said in big letters "Senior discount ~ age 55+ on Tuesdays"

After my golf round (yes, I used a cart, it was in the "Special!"), I headed straight to the "19th hole" to dull my "senior sorrows". I ordered a Bloody Mary from a very cheery 21 year old, size 2, former cheerleader-bartender. She served it up and said, "This is your lucky day, it's senior citizen happy hour and your drink is half off".
SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK TO SEE MY ID!

Just as I was about to get really DEPRESSED, I calculated how much money that I saved that day.

Today, I am in a much better mood and I am writing letters to about 17 various companies that I deal with trying to convince them that they ought to lower their "senior discount" age from 60 to 55. That's My speed now and I might as well make the most of it!

Embarrassments Arrive Daily at My House

So, it was a nice lazy Sunday...although quite hot & humid...and I finally decided to take a late shower at 5:30 p.m.
I always enjoy my post-shower ritual of dabbing moisturizing cream on my face, arms and legs to smooth out the increasing wrinkles and dry skin that is attacking me by Leather-lips himself.
I was in "my zone" of thinking about 1200 things that I need to do when the doorbell rang. That jolted me right out of this hemisphere and I hurridly threw on a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt and ran to answer the door.

Standing there was a neighbor who was dressed to the nines (whatever that means) in a Sunday church dress and high heels. (Don't worry, she's a woman)
She looked at me a little odd as she asked for the $5.00 contribution towards the neighborhood block party.
I asked her to come in as I tried to dig up that amount.
Wouldn't you know ~ I had no money except the "throw your left-over change in a cup" stash. Church-lady seemed a little un-easy as I counted out the pennies, nickels and dimes (I save the quarters for buying the newspaper). I threw the $5.00 (that it took me 15 minutes to count out) in a baggie ~ and thanked her for stopping by as she mumbled "no problem" as she bolted and clicked her stillettos down the walk like she was late for choir practice.
(she also ignored the extended hand I offered as a "sign of peace")

As I headed back to the bathroom, I was startled by the face that stared in astonishment back at me in the mirror. I had dabbed the cream about my face and appendages but in my haste, I had not rubbed it in so I looked like a painted warrier from Zumbowow!

......and I'll bet my neighbor never even noticed how smooth my skin is.

150 Minutes with Children

YESTERDAY -

They came..and they went.

There were only 5 sweet little darling children of various ages.

It was only 2 and 1/2 hours.

1 - 6 week old baby who was really hungry
2- 5 year old boys with energy that any utility company would pay billions to harness.
1- 15 month-old boy who wants to dissect anything expensive ~ telephones, computer keyboards, computer video games, etc.
1 - 11 year old girl who, thank heavens, was there to help the other 3 adults!

1- basement with way too many options for game-playing and chances to argue over who gets to sit in one of four identical seats.

They came...and they went.

It was only 2 and 1/2 hours.

TODAY

I slept just 2 and 1/2 hours longer than usual.

Children are a Blessing, Right? Huh? Hello?

I just read about a 40 year old woman who gave birth to two sets of twins...no, that's not right..quadruplets. That would be FOUR children....at one time!!

After spending just 1 hour babysitting a 5 year old and a 14 month old who is faster than a speeding bullet, I cannot comprehend having FOUR children of the same age to care for. Especially when they don't get returned in a couple of hours to a set of parents.

But here's the real kicker ~ this mother gave birth to triplets 3 years ago!
(No, I'm not kidding..I did NOT read this in one of the smut-reputable magazines in line at Kroger, nor did this happen in the country of Baliwanna.)

So, now do you want to know what the "kicker-kicker" is?

Drum roll please....

This Mom said after the triplets were born, she was done having children. Could it be because she already had THREE kids before the trio?
She now she has TEN!!

Remember the nursery rhyme about the old lady in the shoe.."she had so many children, she didn't know what to do..."? She was no old lady, she was just 34 but LOOKED 93 because she had 8 children!

Back to the news story facts..the final line read, "The Mother is happy because she and the children are healthy, although she is a little nervous about being overwhelmed."

'Ya think?

p.s. No mention of the Father...he might have been in the same hospital having "a delicate elective surgical procedure"....or heart failure.

164 Day till Christmas!

Don't you think we all are just a tiny bit pre-occupied with TIME?
Now, stay with me, this will only take 2 minutes! We'll be done in a flash!
Oh, wait a second, I have to turn off my kitchen timer for my brownies.

OK, now, where were we?

OH, yeah, time. Today I read that the retail stores are already ordering their Christmas inventory....mid July...WOW. I still haven't played with all the games I "borrowed" from my nephews from LAST Christmas.

Do we ever have enough TIME to complete anything? How many times have you heard the breathless exasperation, "Where does the TIME go?"...or ~ "I don't have the TIME to do that"...or ~ "I just ran out of thyme"....(whoops..that might have been the le="font-weight:bold;">spice in a recipe from Martha...sorry that got thrown in there)

Are we just lousy at time management?
Certainly we have many more creature comforts and assistants than our fore-fathers and fore-mothers did to make our life easier and more manageable.
I can't imagine how my life would be if I had to head to the stream to beat my clothes clean. And if TV wasn't around to suggest which rock was the best at keeping my frock fresh and fluffy, I would waste time trying out a bunch of them!
Goodness, that task alone would have taken all day! Then I would NEVER have time to microwave dinner! Whoops...back "in the old days" there were no kitchen gadgets..I would have had to make my own fire and grow my own pepperoni for the pizza I would have to make from scratch.

Then where would I be as far as time goes?
I wouldn't have time to go to the movies, watch So You Think You Can Dance, General Hospital and Oprah. If I couldn't watch Oprah, I wouldn't know what books to read.
But then again, I wouldn't have time to read.

I'm not one to wear a time-piece. I am just one of those annoying individuals who keep asking everyone else what time it is, all the while boasting that "I am no slave of the clock".

Now I have to admit that I am a list-maker. I write out every night a time-table as to the projects I am to do and mark a time allotment next to the task. It is the ONLY way I get anything done. I adhere to it and never waiver. By just setting one of the 12 timers I have strategically placed around the house, I keep tight to my schedule. When that timer goes off, I am on to my next task.

I'm looking at my list of things to do and the next one is a doozy...it may make headlines...wish I could tell you but the timer just went off.

I was lucky enough to spend an afternoon at the swimming pool with my great nephew, Griffin, who is 5 years old, going on 15. We had such a good time playing water tag, torpedo under Peggy's legs, throwing the...well, it doesn't matter..whatever happens to be around, we throw.

When anyone asks him what his favorite thing is about the pool, he will flash an un-comparable grin and proceed to ramble on for 3 minutes, ending his enthusiasm with ~ "EVRYTHING IS AWESOME!"

What a great attitude he has!
On the way home he was yelling out his open car window more unbridled enthusiasm: "I love you, cars...I love you, trees, I love you stop sign, I love you Post Office, I love you man wearing a black shirt, I love you branches..."

For just an afternoon, he was the happiest boy in the world, as well as
one of the best teachers ~ with me being his student.
He taught me to stop the world every now and then and just...LOVE..love whatever you do and think it is AWESOME.

Thanks, Griff.

Lights, Camera, Action!

I feel sometimes like I am the Oscar winning director of my own personal made-for-TV movie ~ "Peggy's Life As An Perfect Person"


Ok, Ok, we can change the title depending upon what day of the week it is.
Maybe we even can alter it daily.

But seriously, don't you sometimes think that you are the one who is orchestrating the world around you? You, and only you, are the ONLY sole person with the correct perspective and everyone else is looney tunes?
And YOU, and you alone, can control all activities and feelings of those around you at any time.

Now, as you read the daily news and shake your head glancing at the most ridiculous stories, you can revel in the fact that your world is certainly NOT this world everyone READS about every day. Your world is organized, moral, law-abiding and happy.

Gosh, I sound like Bree on that Housewives Show on Sunday night.
Whoops, she is a murdering, alcoholic, irresponsible baby-sitter of a neighbor.

Well, maybe I just WISH I had more influence over this crazy world we live in.
Like, I wish I could control the lousy pitching of our sliding Reds team...or maybe finally find the killer of Jon Bennet...or try to re-write most of the words that rappers sing these days...or get people to look up to God for answers instead of the local drug-dealers.

If I were the world's director, I would make sure that people like the woman who adopted 14 children who all had "challenging" issues starred in the movie...instead of people like Colin Farrell and Russell (Mr."Phone-a-friend") Crowe.

And I would have TV soaps have less sex and more humor.

I would have the best commercials aim at selling cheap cameras to save memories instead of drinking Bud-Lite at every sporting event.

Oh, and I would take out all the soda out of vending machines and replace them with water and wine...er, I mean, naturally fortified liquids.

CUT...PRINT...send to editing.

I doubt if this will ever win any awards.

I Think I'm Allergic to the HEAT

Some people LOVE hot weather...I LOVE air-conditioning!

There is nothing of benefit to me when the sun beats down so hard that my make-up melts. I take on the features of person being tested in a G-force machine or maybe I look more like a bassit hound..on a bad day. Perspiration (or "moisture pellets" as my Mom used to say") that runs, not walks, down my eyebrows and follows the contour of my chin(s) is not only un-attractive, it qualifies for offering ridiculous stories like, "I'm on my way to a Halloween party..this is my costume."

I haven't heard the weather-forecasters talk about the "wind-chill factor" since March and I so miss that daily winter calculation. I guess when it is 90 degrees and there is a 5 m.p.h. breeze, it doesn't qualify for a mention. Maybe it wouldn't effect the clothes to be worn.

Oh, and the most obnoxious comments about the heat are: "Oh, it's a DRY heat..not bad at all" ~ WHAT??
So I feel microwaved and should feel ok about it because I'm not using windshield wipers on my upper lip??

I dread the comment: "I love the to putter in the garden in the hot weather because I work up a great sweat and feel like I've really been working."
Now THIS person needs counseling. Just contact any relative of Naomi Judd or Liza Minelli and they can tell you where the best 45 day recovery clinic is.

Hmmm..it seems as though I am getting "hot under the collar" about this "hot topic"..and am not exuding enough personal "warmth".

Deal with it..or just wait ~ I promise I'll be nicer in the fall.

A Child's First Business Venture

Today I stopped at a child-run lemonade stand that was a wee bit different from my first cold-drink stand. I suppose it is some kind of right of passage as an optimistic kid to at least ATTEMPT to sell something for what is thought to be a profit-maker like no other child had ever made in the history of a pre-teen business venture.

I remember my first try...I was about 4 or 5 years old and my little neighborhood friend Cathy and I decided to ask our Moms if we could sell kool-aid in front of my house.
Back in 1956, kool-aid came in packets that you ripped open and poured into a pitcher...add water and ice..find a few old cups around and BINGO!
You're in business!

We had to come to an agreement as to what flavor to sell. I liked grape and Cathy liked cherry. We settled that argument by my socking her in the eye and telling her that she couldn't be my 25% business partner unless she agreed with me.
So, grape kool-aid it was.

Next "challenge" ~ we needed a sign. I don't do signs so I made Cathy ask her Mom to produce the signage for our endeavor. I knew I could get MY Mom to help put up the card table and help me make the kool-aid (meaning that SHE did it).

The sign was made out of two pieces of paper taped together and in the middle of making the sign, Cathy's Mom had to answer the phone so Cathy had to finish it. Who knows how to spell Kool-aid at that age? Kule Ade was our business that day.

We decided that we would sell our libation for 10 cents a cup...or TWO for 15 cents.
(That idea was from my Dad...Mr. Super Salesman)
Mom suggested that we have a "bank" to provide change for our customers so I borrowed $1.25 in coins from her and off we went.

After 15 minutes, I told Cathy to take over the sales end while I checked our inventory. I went in the house and took a nap for an hour and when I returned, I saw that she made over 20 sales and even got a couple of tips. (tips were confiscated by me for rental of the card table).
All in all, we had a great time and it was quite a learning experience. (Cathy went on to become a lawyer..guess she never wanted her rights violated again)
We netted out $1.85 and spent it on candy.

Yesterday the lemondade stand was quite a bit different.
The stand was a computer desk that Bil Gates would have been proud to own. It held a food processor; a computer; printer; a small cash register and credit card machine.

Their sign looked like a New York Advertising Agency had produced it. It was even spelled correctly ~ although I'm sure they used a spell-checker.

The two little 7 year old sales-girls were dressed alike with t-shirts that had been embroidered with "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"

They had REAL lemons that they put in the food processor and they served their drinks in souvenir mugs, which you could buy for an additional $8.00 (but it DID have that cute little saying etched on it)
The crystal sugar bowls offered sugar, sweet 'n low and splenda.

I think what really unnerved me was the fact that they even took American Express! But then again, for $3.50/serving, who carries that kind of cash?

As I walked away with my Mastercard receipt and my 6 souvenir mugs (yup, I'm a soft touch), I decided I was born just a few years too early.

I also tinkered with the idea of calling the IRS on them.