I love Dr. Mercola. He is a physician who likes to investigate various alternatives to some mainstream medical practices. He has a website (www.mercola.com) and an email newsletter that included the folowing:
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records, as dictated by physicians ~
"Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities."
"Skin: Somewhat pale but present."
"The lab test indicated abnormal lover function." (wow...the poor dude!)
"Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized."
"She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce." (he must have been a real ____ head)
"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
"By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better."
"On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared."
"The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983."
"The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
"Discharge status: Alive but without permission.."
"Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
"The patient refused an autopsy." (who wouldn't?)
"The patient has no past history of suicides."
"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
"The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days." (That is a challenge, even for Weight Watchers!)
"She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December."
"Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant." (Whoa!)
"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
"She is numb from her toes down." (maybe she has a carpet with no feelings?)
"The skin was moist and dry." (and a gorilla is 'barely' hairy"
"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room" (I hope the floor was clean)
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