Super Hero Phone Needed Please

HELP! Save me!
I am without a phone!
"Good gabbing, Batman, how will she survive?"
"Tell her to take deep breaths, Robin! But..I'm curious..how in the cell did is she without a phone?"
"She dropped it in the...wait..no, that was the last time she ruined her cell phone. This time she washed it with her clothes."

OK...I have to admit that I'm just a bit panicky and sure WANT to call on some superhero to get me out of this jam. I rely on my cell phone almost as much as toilet paper. I don't have a "land line" in my name anymore (I know some young whipper-snappers are wondering what a "land line" is!).
What makes this predicament even more annoying is that the city has shut down due to a little nuisance called ICE on the roads. I'm wondering if there isn't SOME cell phone distributor who would brave the elements to come deliver a device to me. But...how would I call them to inquire?

Wait just a darn minute here. I've got to put my thinking hat on.
There.
That's better.
Here I am baby-sitting a 4 month old baby! I'll just use hers!
Super baby to the rescue!

The Facts Are In

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

The longest one-syllable words in the English language are "strengths" and "screeched".

The telescope on Mount Palomar, California, can see a distance of 7,038,835,200,000,000 million miles.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

I, obviously, need to go get me some of them minerals and shampoo my hair in them.

A Little Cheating?

Plagiarism...funny spelling, eh? I had to look it up in a dictionary. Whoops..does that mean that I plagiarized because I took that word DIRECTLY from a book?

I'm kinda confused about the recent rukus about O'Bama (anyone with an "O" before his name must be Irish) using a couple of lines from a speech made by a fellow Democrat a couple of years ago. He didn't read an entire chapter of a book...just a couple of lines.

Are there any real original phrases, statements or even thoughts?

I wrote a silly little book for my great-nephew, Griffin a while back. I slapped a title on it and had a few printed and forgot about it. The title was "I Can Do Anything" and was about learning to tie shoes. I never marketed the book and had no intention of it being an even "not-so-best" seller.

A couple of weeks ago, I received a letter from an attorney in California insisting I "cease and desist" selling any of the aforementioned book and that I needed to retrieve any of those that were in bookstores and destroy them "or else"! Apparently their client had spent $200 to trademark the phrase, "I Can Do Anything" and they had published a little kids book and put the phrase on a half dozen t-shirts...in California. I looked on Amazon.com and saw that two other books had the same title, one that had just been release last month. (Boy, are THEY in trouble!)
What was interesting was that they obviously didn't think I was much competition because they offered to "sell me the rights" to use the title for a "reasonable sum".

Wow...Now I'm wondering if I can even SAY the phrase again without being accused of being a "Cheater McCheat"...

Oh, well..I guess I can do ALMOST anything.

Restoring Factory Settings

I'm not sure there is a better teacher than a small child.
Researchers have found that children ages 2-4 were tested and the results showed that 95% of them had a very high creative and imagination score. The same children were tested around the age of 7 and the results had flipped. In those few years something happened that resulted in only 5% of these little ones registering high in these same categories.

Why did this happen?

Here these kids were given great hardware AND software from the Big Manufacturer in the sky. Yet, they get viruses and intruders who wreck their original factory settings of being positive, creative, loving beings.

If life beats us down to this degree at a young age, what is happening to us as we grow up and try to deal with even more "infiltrators" to our internal computer?
Maybe we should just reboot, retool and re-look at what is influencing our original factory settings.

Let's learn from the wee ones.
They still love, hug and show their emotions.
They are positive and think they can do anything.
They find ways to be happy with just two empty boxes because their creative software is still in tact.
You don't see kids at age two telling others what is wrong with them or being critical.

I know I need to look at my personal computer settings and stay on top of keeping my internal software in good order.

What? Do you hear a noise? It's a beeping on my laptop.

Whoops...my computer battery is low so I have to sto

Little King For a Day

Cooper...a Valentine overnight guest who stole our hearts...as usual.

Keep in Mind, My Valentine...

Happy Valentine's Day!
A day to remember whom we love.
A day to send cards, gifts, flowers and candy.
A day florist and retailers enjoy.
A day to say "I love you" to someone who may not be so easy to love.
A day to call someone who is alone and ignored, who maybe won't get a valentine.
A day to celebrate love and being loved...

And then tomorrow we can go back to our normal lives of liking, not loving?

Roll Out Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer

After yesterday's snow/ice storm I've talked with people who say, "I can't wait for the warmth of summer!" Yep. I'm "down with that" (I think that means "I agree")
When I think of summer, I think of sitting by the pool, absorbing the sunshine and then taking a float (not swim) in the water.
"I just need to relax"..."I need to chill"..aren't those phrases that spill out of the mouths of almost anyone at any day?
People (Sean) kid me about taking a lot of trips. Hellooooooo! I need "a break", Mister! (that word is very close to "minister", isn't it?)

Of course most of us have the lazy gene...more commonly called, "a remote" or a "button". Think of all the chores around the house that we used to have to manually complete..turn on the TV - remote, cook food - push button on the microwave or set the timer on the oven or use the crock pot. Laundry and dishes are washed by pushing a button. I can start my car with a remote! I can have a piano that plays FOR me!
I can push buttons to write and send communication..no more smoke signals for me.

And with all this instant gratification, comes the need to cure our ailments with a quick fix - PILL. Most ailments are stressed induced. Most experts in handling stress tell us to EXERCISE. High blood pressure, high cholesterol and bone loss can be helped by EXERCISE and a controlled DIET.

ABC had a news story about a 69 yr. old woman who was having such bad memory problems, her daughter started to look at whether her Mom needed Alzheimers care. In trying to figure out what cause this, the woman took herself off of Lipitor, a drug used to help with high cholesterol. Within 8 days, she was back to normal. She said, "I didn't want to be the person in the nursing home with the lowest cholesterol." She is regulating it now with diet and exercise. It turns out the Pfizer, the pharmaceutical company who sells this drug did know that about 2% of patients have some kind of memory problem. (we all know the jokes about how the side effects can go on and on for most drugs yet we gotta have 'em!)
I'm wondering if even 2% of people get a benefit from this medication...but that's just MY skepticism of most Rx pushers.

Snow/Ice Day

SNOW, ICE FREEZING RAIN, SLEET, SLUSH, SNOW, ICE, MORE FREEZING RAIN...THAT'S TODAY



And THIS is what a parent will need today...because kids have a day off from school!

A Penny For Your Thoughts

I heard a news story that the penny is costing our government almost 2 cents to mint. So, is a penny really just worth 1 cent?

Is it insulting to use the phrase, "A penny for your thoughts"? Maybe the person asking the question was hoping their pensive pal wouldn't really tell them their entire thought process so it would only be worth a penny.
Maybe we should say, "$5.65 for your thought if you succinctly communicate it in 30 seconds or less".

(Note...the first notation of the phrase, "A penny for your thoughts" was seen in a book written by John Heywood book in 1546.
1 penny invested in a bank in 1546 until 2007 at 5% interest? $43 million dollars!)

I don't know why we have to mint as many new coins to re-circulate as they do. It is a HUGE budget that costs a lot of this freshly minted money. I wonder if they could just not mint the money that it costs to pay the bill of printing the money and say it was an even exchange?

This makes me feel guilty that I have a change jar ~ or that every kid in America has a piggy bank. (with inflation, wouldn't it be more appropriate to have an elephant bank?)
Now I'm thinking here...I've never known any bank or merchant to not have the change needed for my transaction.

I remember when my nephew, Griffin was just 3 or 4 yrs old, he swallowed a quarter. When I was talking with him last week, the now mature 7 yr old remembered the incident in detail. When I asked him if he recalled why he swallowed a quarter, he thought a second and explained, "It was worth more than a penny!"
and, he continued pensively, "I thought the "change" would do me good...just to "coin" a phrase"

Everyone has to be a comedian.

MY Happy Day

This week was my birthday. For some unknown reason, while most people enjoy a birthDAY, mine escalated to a marathon celebration. (for once it wasn't MY idea too!)
I had a surprise luncheon, three dinners and cake made by a 1 and 2 yr. old with supervision by their Mom, niece Annie.

I received beautiful flowers, a new TV, a Photoshop software program, a memory bracelet from my niece and nephew that I doubt I will ever take off, emails, calls and cards from everyone but the Pope (and I'm sure his best wishes are on the way but with his budget, it probably is coming by way of boat). I had nice things said about me in blogs and loving sentiments expressed in many ways. Oh, yeah, and there was some "enthusiastic"(?) singing of "Happy Birthday Cha-cha-cha" and it reminded me that NO Murphy or relation to a Murphy should audition for American Idol.

Wow...I was so so overwhelmed with the attention that I was SURE that someone had a Doctor's report about me that I was not aware of!

At the end of last night's festivities, I told my 7 yr. old great nephew, Griffin, that I would see him tomorrow (for our weekly Thursday after-school 3 hour date).
He paused, looked at me and with a broad smile said, "Oh, is tomorrow my happy day?"
I said, "well, it's Thursday and I get to see you on Thursdays."
He nodded and said casually, "Yep, I call that day my "happy day"...

No, I call that MY "HAPPY DAY"...and a great ending to a magical week. I am blessed.

Finally, John Edwards Endorsement

Finesse exclusive silk and soy protein formulas that smooth and improve the cuticle, strengthening every strand to leave hair more soft and naturally shiny. For hair that's irristibly alluring to the eye and beautiful to the touch.

Lots of Ads ~ Oh, and by the way, a SUPER, Suprbowl Game

Yes, it was Ad Heaven...something for everyone. An ad during the this year's Superbowl only sets a company back $90,000....per SECOND. $2.7 millin dollars for this commercial to be played ONE TIME!
I think I watched 30 of the 32 ads that were run and enjoyed 4 of them. The other 26 must have been written by people who were advertising drugs...and not the pharmaceutical kind.
Yeah, I really want to see Shaq on a racehorse...it COULD have been funny, I guess...
and Carmen Electra ~ doing what?

The hype of this event's advertisements has people going to the restroom on first down instead of at a commercial. People are yelling at the host of the party to come back from the kitchen because "the commercials are on!"

I wonder if the vitamin water will get any revenues, not to mention enough to cover their costs.

I didn't know the Writers Strike affected advertisers but that's the only excuse that I can think of!
Thank heavens Joe tells us that the strike might be over soon. Bet on it!

Maybe Some Wagering Going on? BET on it!

I'll take the Giants and 13 points..
OK...so Las Vegas will allow betting on almost anything that you can imagine. I just read that one can place $$ on whether the first touchdown in the Superbowl will be made by someone wearing a jersey with the number above 44.
You can also waste your money gambling on how long Jordin Sparks (of American Idol not-so-fame) will take to sing the National Anthem.
Point spread for the game = Patriots by 12.5
I'll take the Giants.

(I heard that Ton Brady was dancing too long on the ole ankle last night)

An Oasis of Knowledge in My Desert of Ignorance

Thank you, Good Morning America...thank you, Stanford University.
You have filled my empty "Hummingbird-tumbler" to a drinkable level.
Today you taught me that the male Anna hummingbird likes to impress female hummers in mating season by making a noise that is four octaves higher than middle C.
They fly up over 100 feet to commence a dive-bomb pattern that allows it's tail feathers to create such a "come-hither" sound that females will encourage this dapper dude-bird into her nest.

Somebody actually studied this phenomenon over a two year time span and plucked the tail feathers off a poor fella ~ then rigged a wind tunnel in the lab to simulate this sound. We were told that the feathers grow back in 5 weeks ~ but, uh...what about his libido? He might be humming a different tune!

Whomever wants a job that studies this stuff, raise your wing....

A Good Night

It was a GREAT night. I had a chance to watch, listen and thoroughly enjoy my talented nephew Sean Michael Murphy speak at an event last night. I sat next to one of my favorite people in the whole world, Anniebelle ~ and allowed her to make me laugh, as usual.
I also sat next to Kande Wilson, who had just returned from a mercy trip to Nigeria. She recalled how children with aids were living ~ 16 young ones from ages 5-11, in a two room house with no running water and some charcoal outside to use as their cooking arena. I envied Cande's heart to do the work she does.

Sean was effectively communicating about the Love of Our Father is more abundant than we can ever fully grasp...and that He died for us to be free.
Obviously, (to SOME) this Gift is truly remarkable and how can anyone possibly entirely appreciate it? I know I can't. Especially when the biggest complaints that I have had this week included that I was on hold with the cable company's repair department for twenty minutes and I was having to replace a cracked plastic toilet seat cover. Many people don't know what cable TV IS...or TV for that matter...and a toilet would be a luxury..never mind a seat!
The night was so much more than I can type here...suffice it to say, I'm glad that I went. It put a lot of PERSPECTIVE in my life that I pray I can hold on to for a long while.

And to think that today I was going to write about Dr. Phil and his oh-too-white teeth that are so bright I had to wear sun-glasses to hear him spew his "sage" advice. I kinda wanted to ask him about his "pearlies" and maybe just say, "What were you thinking?"
But I decided on the perspective subject instead. At least he HAS teeth.

A Practice Round

Here are Nichole and Ken..soon to be betrothed.
They are watching Griffin play some round ball while letting Grif's siblings, Cooper & Parker hang out with them. They THINK that they want to procreate a passel of children because of being around the "perfect three" off-springs of Sean & Annie.













I'll bet Ken slept well after THAT day..but wait until he is changing the diapers!

A Day with the Youngest Male Murphy

Cooper will be three in April ~ and he will tell you so!
I had a magical three hours with this little bundle of confidence.
He ALMOST BEAT ME at my two favorite sports!




But I'm banking on him taking care of me in my old age....

Honk if You Love Parker!

Hey, Mom! Look what I found! Is it ok if I take a quick tour around the neighborhood? I'll take Cooper and Griffin with me, OK, Mom? Huh?
What, Dad?


Aw, Pop...do I HAVE to give the keys back to Mom?

Gutter ball...

Cry-Baby?

Yesterday one of my nearest and dearest friends (or "former" friend)told me that I was the biggest "ball-baby" she ever knew.
She makes fun of me because I DO maybe cry at silly times..like
Super Market grand openings (cutting that ribbon is SOOO emotional for me!) and the receipt of free address labels sent by my favorite charity.
On this occasion I had gotten a little misty-eyed because my (former) friend's two year old had brightened her day by surprising her by a spontaneous
"I love you"...well, that sparked memories of when her husband was just 3 yrs old and he used to say that to my Mom & Dad, who happened to be their grandson.

Well, that lead to me thinking of how much I missed my Mom & Dad & brother and so I had a very fleeting moment of being choked up. Ok, maybe it DID last five hours ~ but it was cathartic.

I always have and always will have slippery, well-oiled tear ducts. I guess that means I feel stuff. I will continue to get a lump in my throat when I see the color guard march to the National Anthem...I will still shed a little tear when given a nice greeting card...and I will continue to love it when anyone tells anyone else at a time of need, that they love them.
There's nothing greater!

I would go on but my keys are a little slippery and my glasses are fogged up.

The Golden V

Why geese fly in a "V" formation:

As each goose flaps its wings in formation it creates "uplift" for the birds that follow. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone. When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone. It quickly moves back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front of it.

If we have as much common sense as a goose, we stay in formation with those headed where we want to go. When we join a group staying on course is much easier.

When the lead goose tires, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies to the point position.

Geese flying in formation honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

In groups where there is encouragement, the production is much greater. The power of encouragement minimizes the isolation of being an independent agent.

When a goose gets sick, wounded, or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to help protect it. They stay with it until it dies or is able to fly again. Then, they launch out with another formation or catch up with the flock.

Synergy = One plus One equal ... more than two.
We can learn a lot from these "bird-brains"!

Cyber-SPACEY

Have you ever had a day when everything you touched in cyber-space turned to _ _ _ _ (a word that you cannot say in front of anyone under the age of 107)?

I admit that I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer; not even the brightest light on the porch; I may be 2 fries short of a Happy Meal ~ but I'm not TOTALLY ignorant about electronics. I can use a hair dryer like a Hollywood make-over artist. The can opener and I are in such rhythm that we could give the contestants on Dancing With The Stars a run for their "cha-cha".
Light switches are a breeze for me now that I have attended the Ace Hardware store class on "Understanding How to Turn on a Dimmer Toggle Switch". ( I display the diploma proudly on the wall...hung up with scotch tape)

But ~ put me in front of a computer that has a TV screen and LOOK OUT! I am trying to channel surf for the latest cooking show instead of installing the software program that will make my life much easier and organized.
"Re-booting" to me means that I missed an eyelet in lacing up my muck-kickers.

Yesterday I spent six hours and forty-four minutes trying to load a new program on my laptop that would allow me to keep track of my accounts receivable and my accounts payable. This same program should also make my life easier by alphabetizing my Christmas card list and send me daily "ticklers" to nudge me to mail out a birthday card ~ or a (fifteenth) letter to Ed McMahon to remind his staff that my house is the one level that flies flags from the garage as it seems his Prize Patrol people keep getting lost.

After 15,438 frustrated and unsuccessful attempts at completing this task, I called the "help-desk" phone number that was listed on my software box..."24 hour assistance" and "Easily Installed in 3 Minutes" were a couple of phrases that were boldly printed on the packaging.
I THINK I was talking to a real person but I didn't understand a word he said because of the lousy connection (two tin cans and a string might have helped) and his accent. I don't believe that this person was anywhere in our stratosphere and probably had no idea that Hillary and Bill have sheds tears in the past week. While we were attempting to communicate, I heard chanting in the background...
From MY end, I was so exhausted of dealing with this whole mess of not being able to understand my "help-desk attendee" that apparently while he had me on hold to pray with the cows, I was awakened by my own snoring.

I'm thinking about now that I will remain dis-organized and keep track of my finances the old fashioned way...with a calculator and my checkbook.
I guess I will just look at the calendar to remind me of stuff.
Cyber-Peg I am not.

Dare To Dream

I feel like most of the Christmas Holiday was kind of a blur. I had some lousy stomach flu which allowed me to sail through the festivities without gaining an ounce. That was the ONLY good thing about feeling lousy when every day there were friends and family to enjoy and lots of food to sample.

So, now I feel great! I could walk to Wyoming if I had the urge. I'm ready to party and it's time to go back to work. Time to begin the annual 4 day exercise program (that lasts for half of the video because I need to change my work-out ensemble as it is too snug).

When I think of winter and the start of a new year, I think of ice skating. In reality, I am a terrible skater. When I was in Girl Scouts, I tried to earn an ice skating badge. My Mom took me to the group lessons and when the instructor told us to skate over to the other side of the rink, I had to sit...and kinda scooch over to the other side. When the laughter subsided (from the instructor, no less!) some kind soul helped me up but I ended up feeling like the "coolest" kid in the class...literally ~ because of the my many stumblings that created ice carvings on my face (and other parts of the anatomy).

But I still have my dreams and I still believe in my mind that I can go out on the ice and perform an inside axel, triple salchow and a spiral that would make each audience member stand up and throw flowers. When in fact, the spiral would be the DEATH spiral and my spin would make people throw more than flowers.

I don't want to lose my dream. Heck, it's the New Year so why not set un-attainable goals?

Today I will find an outdoor rink and dress with skating tights and a colorful scarf thrown fashionably around my neck, wear my skates tied together over my shoulder like Loretta Young did in an ancient forgettable movie.

I will then ~ lace up my skates, take a deep breath...

and pull on sweat pants as I sit comfortably with a hot chocolate to watch others procure ice carvings on their faces.

Happy New Year!

Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintances be forgotten,
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintances be forgotten,
And days of long ago !

Chorus:
For old long ago, my dear
For old long ago,
We will take a cup of kindness yet
For old long ago.

We two have run about the hillsides
And pulled the daisies fine,
But we have wandered many a weary foot
For old long ago.

We two have paddled (waded) in the stream
From noon until dinner time,
But seas between us broad have roared
Since old long ago.

And there is a hand, my trusty friend,
And give us a hand of yours,
And we will take a goodwill draught (of ale)
For old long ago!

And surely you will pay for your pint,
And surely I will pay for mine!
And we will take a cup of kindness yet
For old long ago!

Another Tradition ~ Too Often Forgotten

I know that Thanksgiving has come and gone.
Christmas is now a just the picture of Uncle Oscar's Santa's hat tumbling into the punch...
but if we received a gift, it would be nice to write a note of gratitude.
(NOT an email, Brian!)

December 26....and all through the house....not a creature was conscious...

Who feels like this? Raise your hand!

Give Santa Some Credit

Is anyone else worried that Santa's credit cards might be maxed out?
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that his plastic holds up better than the average old guy wearing a red suit.

Families Are ~

The Little Murphs
Parker
Cooper
Cousin Connor with Griffin

Holiday Patience

Stay calm

Have lots and lots of patience...

And Keep your cell phone handy to dial 911...



(picture from AP wire photo)

Rejections of All Kinds - Should We Hold Grudges?

I've been known to have a pretty healthy ego ~ not conceited, of course, but confident in my never-ending talents and flawless abilities. Just about everything in my life seems perfect, from my faultless way I fold laundry to my error-free bookkeeping. So when I get rejected, my inner self is aghast with shock!
In the past week, a store clerk handed me back my American Express with a disgusted look that said, "You are a loser"...when in fact, the magnetic strip had been chipped just enough to dis-allow my credit card authorization. I handed it back to him and told him to hand-key in the numbers and he acted like I had asked him to run an uphill marathon on one leg! But I still felt kinda rejected.

I can remember my first BIG disappointment (let's not use the work "rejected" anymore) ~ I was in high school knowing that my future was in being a comedic actress. I had applied to one school, Denison University in Granville, Ohio. Denison is a wonderful school that had a top-notch fine liberal arts/theater program. Many well-known actors had graduated from Dennison. (John Davidson, Hal Holbrook..even Bobby Rahal!)
To be considered, I had to be personally interviewed as well as submit an audio tape of me acting out a scene in a play. I coerced my boyfriend, John Lampe, to read the scene with me. We practiced and practiced until we sounded perfect. I sent in the tape and waited. Every day I would come home from school expecting a marching band to greet me with the assumed news that I would not only be accepted to the college, but probably star as the lead in their fall play production.
So, at this point you know that I received a crappy little letter saying "you may want to consider blogging for the rest of your life because you are not Denison material"...

I have worked at least 59 jobs now and have only received a handful of letters
with the news, "Your skills are not a fit with our organization's goals"...but each one is like a dagger piercing the heart (not that a dagger has ever really entered any part of my body so I don't know why I said that).

I see people pick up their ringing phone, check the caller ID and not answer it. Naturally, the person on the other end is unaware that they have been blown off. I know that NO ONE has EVER done that to ME. Well, almost never.

I was dining at a 4 star restaurant about a month ago when I caught a glimpse of a friend of mine. This is a woman who would knock over the Pope to answer her phone. I thought that I would play a joke on her by calling her cell phone with the pretense of asking her to help me with my disabled car. Well, the phone must have rung because she picked it up from out of her purse...looked at the caller ID and placed it back in her purse!
WHAT? She knew it was me! Of course, confident Peg thought that she must know other Peggy Murphys ~ because surely, she would take MY call!
I promptly stormed over to her table and threw my bill on her salad plate and dramatically stomped off. I know now why Denison discarded my college application ~ when I made my theatrical dining room exit, I knocked into a busboy with a tray of glasses that came ultimately and in slow motion, came clattering to the floor.

I've had my baked goods snubbed at the charity bizarre and that hurts...
I've been the second one chosen when picking teams for sporting events...
I've had magazines send me emails saying my articles will be "filed for future consideration"..
I've had my poorly wrapped Christmas present be the last one chosen at a Christmas exchange...
I've had my dog Bailey wag his tail at strangers more than at me...
But I'm OK with all of that....

But the worst was yet to come. I've asked my nephew, Connor, for a year now, to come visit me for a weekend. I have bribed him with offerings like payment for yet another set of tennis lessons...or take him to Paris...or buy him three x-boxes (whatever THEY are). He told me, "I can't, Aunt Peggy. I need to trim my toenails"...or some other such excuse. But, that's ok...I know he loves me.

But what I think really bothers me...is that Denison University offered my boyfriend a scholarship from that audio tape we made! Yep...for THAT, I hold a grudge.

Headlines That Make You Wonder How The Editor Got the Job

I would think that newspaper writer-type jobs would be hard to acquire because of the competition. One writing headlines for a paper should maybe "have a clue". Well, maybe the following samples of journalism at it's best was just a lone incident on an "off" day for someone ~

* Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing (Beltone,maybe?)
* Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers (that’s pretty severe punishment!)
* Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted (aw, c’mon!)
* Iraqi head seeks arms (well, I’ve gotta "hand" it to them)

Grammar often botches other headlines ~

* Eye drops off shelf (40 "lashes" to the one who pushed it off)
* Squad helps dog bite victim (What are they teaching in squad school these days?)
* Dealers will hear car talk at noon (I don’t care if the car can sing the National Anthem, I just want it to give me better gas mileage!)
* Enraged cow injures farmer with ax (Isn't that over-kill? A mere head butt might have worked)
* Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests (what ever happened to good ole wiennies?)
* Miners refuse to work after death (wow..now that’s an extended retirement)
* Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter (I wonder if they were arguing over what to buy for dinner that night?)

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one
intended ~

* Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy (like newspaper editors?)

Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious ~

* If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
* War dims hope for peace (really?)
* Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency (DOUBLE really?)
* Cold wave linked to temperatures (NOW I am informed!)
* Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years (no comment)
* Man is fatally slain (yes, but did he DIE?)
* Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say (and EXPERTS should know!)

Hmmm...Maybe someone is spiking the coffee in the newsroom?

UGH

This is how my throat feels today.

The Little Things in Life

Why is it that I let the small things in life bother me so much?
Why do I want to throw the empty toilet paper roll all the way to Istanbul when I have had to be the sole heir to the responsibility of replacing the toilet paper?
Maybe it's because I must maintain a certain amount of decorum, maturity and professionalism ten hours out of the day so in the privacy of my home, I can go ballistic over being stuck with this seemingly thankless job.
(Author's note: My age was recently compared to Joy Philbin, who is Regis's wife...and she is TEN YEARS older than me ~ thus, I am acting 66 instead of my true young 56 years of age)

Back to toilet paper ~ there can be 28 people in and out of the bathroom and it's ME who is left with one pitiful lone sheet stuck on the nearly naked roll. How hard can it be to reach around and put another roll on the spindle? You're just sitting there "passing the time" anyway!

Even thought I feel like a martyr in having this enormous responsibility, I think I have become a wee bit obsessed about this "commission" that has been un-sanctimoniously awarded to me and am taking it too seriously.
Recently I have been taking out a new roll and installing it before the current roll is even 20% used. I can recognize the quality and number of plies in three seconds by a mere quick touch.

Now after I have installed the new roll, I place the old roll with a good 22 uses left in it's T-P life, on top ~ then I feel like I am a-"head" (that's "john" vernacular) of my job as a professional T-P installer.

Sadly, I have been know to execute this same action when I visit friends homes, stranger's houses, restaurants, gas stations and rest stops. Some just don't understand.

Let's face it, I have become the Queen of T-P and it can be a "royal" pain in the tush!
I want to relinquish my crown!

Pleeze...someone help me out here...I'm starting to look "flushed" a lot.