POWER

I'm sure we all have our own definitions of "power". Today I witnessed a classic view of the "power of salesmanship"....

I had attended a 2 hour "FREE" E-Bay class two days ago and received some very valuable information. I was also offered the chance to buy a web site that was so easy to build, a chimpanzee could do it (yes, they said that)
I need a web site (for something, I'm sure..I just have to think of it) ~ so I bought it for $99.00. To receive the software that I needed to launch the web site, I was "strongly encouraged" to attend an invaluable "training" session (I wonder how much classroom training the monkey needed?). So, I was invited back for a 4 hour class to receive even MORE "FREE" information to learn how this software would allow me to become an entrepeneur and work out of my home in my underwear (yes, they said that too) and make thousands of dollars a day.

WHO doesn't want that?

The three fellows who checked me in and gave me my name tag were sooooo very nice and gracious, I just wanted to take them all out to the movies and maybe some salsa dancing later. They laughed and kidded with all the attendees. Wow.."are they nice to come her and give free seminars...must cost them a bunch since they put full page ads in the newspaper and flew these 3 fellas in from all over the country...they must be independantly wealthy...aren't they nice??

I learned that anyone can sell anything on E-Bay so I too, could do the same.

Here are some examples:
$28,000 was made from selling a five year old grilled cheeses sandwhich with what was supposed to look like the Madonna's picture ingrained in the bread.
(maybe it was a prop for the DaVinci code?)

$1,000 for a "Mystery box"...turned out to be a pile of belongings that were once owned by a wayward husband ~ thus the seller (the wife) felt someone else might appreciate them more (and she might find some income that her husband couldn't provide for her.)

Money ~ and lots of it! The seller is getting $39.95 for "cow pie clocks".
Yes, some farmer takes the cow-pies and hollows out a hole for the clock and sells them...lots of them. I guess one can sell crap on E-Bay.

Here's a touching story - $180+ for a little girl who lost her first tooth...I mean REALLY lost her first tooth and she was upset that the "tooth fairy" wouldn't come so she was pleading her case on E-Bay to allow the highest bidder to play the role of "tooth fairy" for a day. Some sap paid over $180 for that "opportunity". (Wonder if this little girl accepts Mastercard)

E-Bay is purported to be the second largest "employer" in the world if you look at all the people who rely on them for their income. There are 100,000 NEW passwords distributed by E-Bay for new users every day. Each SECOND there are over $1,000 in transactions.

But less than 30% of products listed are bought. The unlucky seller still pays E-Bay a listing fee.

So, back to my "FREE" seminar. At the end of the 4 hours, the 26 people in the room were all asked to spend $2995 on three programs we HAD to invest in if we ever wanted to succeed in making any of our dreams come true. We should do this for ourselves and of course, for our family. We ALL deserved it. (I'm not sure about the guy with the odd odor sitting next to me)

They even held out on giving us our $99.00 software until the whole session was over and people stopped sobbing because they couldn't "afford" the $2995 to make all their dreams come true.

They held the power...they told us we needed to do something to get what we wanted..they told us if we didn't do something we would regret it. They had us just where they wanted us.

When I got up to finally get my software, two of the formerly over-friendly fellas approached me with hope in their eyes and a mercedes car payment in their minds.
BUT ~ when I told them I just wanted my software and not the other "overly generous "TODAY-ONLY offferings", you would have thought I was asking them to room with Richard Hatch in prison.
They turned on me like Simon Cowell to the latest American Idol contestant. I was discarded...trash....

But guess what?

I had the "power"

E-Bay Madness

Have you ever bought anything on E-Bay?
I remember the thrill of the first auction that I "won".
I wanted to purchase a radio remote controlled 3 foot sailboat for my Dad to race in his swimming pool. He had recently moved to Florida and didn't know a lot of people and I thought this would be good to keep him entertained.

I sat at the computer at 8 p.m. and complied with the tedious task of registering on E-Bay for the first time....I then sat back and was prepared to calmly enjoy my first internet auction bidding experience.
Over the next three hours, there were a couple of weeny bids on my item here and there atttempting to scare me. But I was confident.
Bidding started at $4.00. I placed my ceiling bid at $11.00 hoping I would get it for a lot less. This was going to be a piece of cake.

About 10 minutes left in the bidding, I saw the bidding go from $4.00 to $5.00 to $6.00 to $11.00! I sat up closer in my chair...I "upped" my bid.
But $15.00 was as high as I was going to go.
The bidding war continued to escalate.

With 5 minutes left at 11:55 at night, the bid was $32.50 and I had changed my bid 12 times and was now sweating worse than Martha Stewart in court.
So emersed in this battle was I that I knew that I HAD TO WIN AT ALL COSTS...the seller noted in his descripton that this was the only boat he had for sale! What would Dad DO without this remote controlled toy!
NO one was going to out-bid me!

I decided to raise my bid for the 8th time in 180 minutes.
$67.50 and that was my final offer with 1 minute remaining. I KNEW I had it won and I was imaging the fun Dad would have with...what? Wait!.......30 seconds left and someone out-bid me! I hurridly banged away at the keys and plugged in the FINAL-FINAL bid of $88.80.

My heart was thumping like a hound-dog's tail on rabbit huntin'day. (good gracious! where the heck did THAT come from??)
$79.50 and I WON!! I jumped up and down like a 10 year old on a new pogo stick! I screamed like I had just slapped hands with Howie Mandell on Deal or No Deal!
Obviously, the celebration dance awaked my slumbering Father.
He sleepily asked if I had looked up the model's price on the internet from a retailer's web site.
Good idea.

or was it?

OK..so ANYONE can get caught up in this auction-action, right?
So what if I could have bought 7 brand new radio remote-controlled sail boats for Dad and his new friends. What's the big deal?

The next night I looked on E-Bay for the same item. The same seller had another one up for sale. Only this time, he only got $10.50 for it.

Must have had something wrong with it.

Happy Mothers Day

A tribute to MY Mom...even though she has been "promoted" for a few years now. It doesn't diminish the effect that she still has on my life.

I want to thank her for the stuff I don't remember ever thanking her for.

For finally giving me the secret ingredient to her Meatloaf so mine is better than Brian's. ( on the other hand I DO thank her for teaching Brian how to make the best home-made french fries this side of Wendy's.)

For writing to me in college, (in LONG HAND YET!) 5 pages of perfect penmanship, recapping the 3 Soap Operas that she had gotten me hooked on. There were notes in the margin explaining when the organ music played a sinister effect. Since most of the gals on my floor section were getting As The World Turns withdrawal, I made lots of friends through those letters as we all huddled around making comments of advice to the TV characters (like they were right there), laughing and bonding.

Then there were the goofy audio tapes that we mailed back and forth when I was living near Boston and commuting by car 55 minutes each day to Rhode Island for my job. Again, I got my soap updates but she would also pretend to be a newscaster to "report the latest on the home front". (Can you tell communication was a big deal in our family?) Oh, how I valued those little tapes!

Mom was always in a good mood in the morning. I would say that she showed us how to start the day off right by saying a cheery "Good Morning" even if we felt like Brooke Shields after listening to the rantings of Tom Cruise.

She had this positive way about her. Every time she saw somebody, she would compliment them on something specific. She told me once that you shouldn't dole out general comments like, "You look nice today." but that it should be specific, like "you look great in that color green ~ it shows off your pretty tongue after having too many mint julips."

Mom taught me how to make games out of completing chores so it didn't seem so awful.
We would whistle during washing the dishes, playing "name that tune" to guess the song in the least number of notes.

She also trained me (in no uncertain terms) that bad language or throwing of any golf club was NOT to be tolerated. Lots more people wanted to play golf with me once I learned THAT lesson.

She would ask us "Please don't give me flowers and compliments when I'm gone, do it while I'm alive"...and I hope I did.

I remember going with Mom to The Vineyard Church in Columbus and thoroughly enjoying the whole experience. As the music played, I looked over through misty eyes and saw her crying. There we were, holding hands and dropping tears on the chairs in front of us. She taught me that crying was ok too..which is good as I blow my nose for the 17th time.

I love you, Mom. (Wish we could shopping at Kohl's today!

Hugs 101

One of my favorite female motivational speakers is Rita Davenport, from Tennessee. She has good down-home humor and she "tells it like it is".
She tells people that "you need three hugs a day or you get weird."

She also tries to discourage people from being so self-centered by asking them to write on a piece of paper, their worst problem that they are dealing with..then she asks them to come up to the front of the room and everyone put their problem in a bowl. On the count of three, everyone is supposed to come back up and pick out of that bowl someone's else's problem. Who would do that? Everyone has their own "crap" to deal with.

Now, back to the hugs. Three hugs a day will help? Yup. But do we do it enough?

There are so many different types of hugs...
There is what I think is the most popular hug...if you can call it a "hug"...
It is really the "1/4 hug"... standing beside someone with one arm casually flopped around a shoulder as if to say, "OK, I kinda like you but hugging isn't my thing-hug"

One step better in the hugging chain is FACING the victim, er...PERSON and hugging with one limp arm around them but not enough energy to crank the other arm up there to join in the hugging.

Then there is the "grasping huggee with just your hands on their shoulders while barely leaning into them with your strained neck and head as if to say, "I REALLY don't want to hug you but SOME contact is expected..UGH."

Now we're getting to "whole hugs'...full embrace...BUT
1) the "quick release"....with a patronizing pat-pat-pat on the back..."we're just buddies, don't think we're dating-hug"
2) Full hug for 3 seconds....nice...I think this is good-hug
3) Full hug for 8 seconds...this can go either "Right on!..they like me..they really like me" or WHOOPS...I should have told them they had nice eyes.

Best hugs...a 13 year-old nephew, slamming himself against me to give me the "wrestlers squeeze" after not seeing me for 5 months...a 5 year old nephew who races to me from across the room to throw the little arms around me with unbridled enthusism to say good-night...and his little 1 year old brother lifting his tiny arms up to get picked up as he lays his perfect head on my chest.

I'd take three of those hugs any day. I have no problems right then.

Trapped Negative "Chi" -

I feel like maybe I have some trapped negative "chi" (Energy)...and it may be draining my energy and if MY energy is drained, everyone in the universe has drained energy! At least this is the latest theory from a movie called "What The Bleep Do I Know?"

I am thinking of just holing up in my basement and reading about various therapies and modalities that will turn my "chi" around to be positive so I can have a Calm and Happy life.

One of the first books I will read is about Feng Shui as it offers 168 ways to correct unlucky areas in my home and offers solutions to maximize the potential to bring success, happiness, harmony and peace to me. Hint #121 suggests putting a water bowl near the dividing wall or fence to absorb sound from noisy neighbors.
I see water bowls in dog boarding facilities but that is one of the noisiset places I've ever been..

Maybe prisons will buy this book. Or zoos?

I could try Reiki or Ayurveda but I can't pronounce them. I know one person who is a "reiki master" who is about as looney as Paula Abdul.

Maybe to find my happiness I should look to tai chi but all the pictures of people tai-chi-ing look like they are washing their cars in slow motion.
SO GO WASH A CAR..DO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE, for heavens sake! NO wonder they don't look happy...their friends and family are boycotting hanging out with them because they never DO anything except contemplatte their naval!
And they are NEVER smiling (then again, who does when they wash an invisible vehicle?) I can't picture people who attend this class being the type to want to go see any of WIll Farrell's movies or stay up late to roll on the floor laughing at David Letterman's TOP TEN.

Lately I've heard about WATSU...a combination of massaging accupressure points in 96 degree water. A WATSU therapist holds you as you float in the water and they manipulate you and stretch you and massage you until you have no more money. The cost of this is $150/hour at spas. That may not be a therapy I want to try but I could be the therapist for that amount of dough!
Heck, that would sure release a lot of MY tension!

I think I'll just go read my horror-scope and see what it tells me I'm supposed to do today to be happy, become rish and famous, and find true love.

OR....I'll go wash my car...or meditate...anything but laugh, for pity sake!

And What Do YOU Do For a Living?

I wonder what David Blaine tells people when asked what his occupation is.

"I hold my breath until my liver turns to mush"
"I sit in a block of ice until my eyelids freeze closed"
"I see how I can get prime time network coverage to zoom in on my battered body as I wince in pain and reach out with my weakened hand to my fans"
"I sell David Blaine playing cards on my website"

I read that his Mother was a single parent raising this kid and working 3 jobs while her little darling spent his days at the library. Was he looking up the definition of "Gullible"? or "Marketing"?


I have never watched this nutball attempt these high school stunts. Actually, I am really rather disappointed in any news agency or network giving a molecue of time to this kind of alien craziness.

But, considering Baywatch and Fresh Prince of Bellaire and still in re-runs...I guess people will watch anything.

I remember when my older brother was in high school, he sat on one skate board while another friend sat on another skate board. They acted like a circus act by having 6 other guys climb on their shoulders and balancing precariously, they skated down the steepest hill on Ohio State's campus. They were trying to break some record at the time. A record wasn't broken but I believe two of the guys broke a bone or two.
No one even took a picture. I guess death was not imminent.

What about all the fun in cramming 23 people in a volkswagon? Or 21 in a phone booth? Now THAT'S entertainment! I would buy a tube of toothpaste from a sponsor of THAT kind of show!

Hmmmm...I've been on the internet now for 38 hours, 22 minutes+....I wonder how much longer I have to blog to win the Guinness Book of World Records or at least get David Letterman's staff out here to watch me type!

I Don't Trust That Slot

There are all kinds of slots..and they are everywhere.

A Night bank depository slot ~
The video return slot ~
A Drive-up library book return slot ~
Those Post Office blue box slots that accepts letters...of a minimal size ~
The counter-top Charity plexi-glass boxes that have a such a tiny slot, dimes are the only currency that can wiggle it's way into the receptacle ~
And let's not forget the charm and romance of the evil one-arm-bandit slot machine that has fulfilled dreams on occasion but bankrupted many more.

To say an overused phrase: "If we can put a man on the moon.....why can't we______
(fill in the blank)...MAKE A SLOT THAT ACTUALLY WORKS WITHOUT AGGRAVATION!

The night-time bank depository slot is tighter than Jack LaLaine's 1962 t-shirt, and the little tiny envelope that is SUPPOSED to fit in that miniscule slot, will surely be destroyed by the slot monster eating the deposit and chewing it into cracker-crumb pieces.

Now the Video return and library book drive-up slots are so ridiculously small, one has to have not one, not two ~ but THREE hands to manage the weight of the slot mouth that will surely slam shut with hungar before you have slid your 12 videos or 15 books safely inside. (Who ever rents or borrows just ONE video or book?)

Do the engineers of these slots not live in our same galaxy?

And forget the Postal recepticles. I always have an over-sized package or envelope that is just outside the regulation measurements for me to use their "handy slot" for mail. I then have to wait in line for 46 minutes to hand the non-conforming envelope over to a Federal Employee who makes $27.00/hour to turn around and throw it into their container...that just so happens to have been designed to accomodate a package as big as an outhouse.

My only slot I like...the slot machine in my basement that I can adjust to pay-off big time....even if it is look-a-like quarters.

Hmmm..now that I think about it, even those coins get stuck now and then.

Maybe I'll come back in my next life as a slot designer...or the TV show American Inventor will see this blog (yeah, right) and someone will deliver a Jetson-type device to automate this problem.

Crud! I just returned home from trying to buy a USA Today newspaper..my 75 cents got eaten by the coin-mech slot and no newspaper! See what I mean?

The WORST Travel Game!

I can remember my parents suggesting all kinds of travel games to play in the car to keep my brother and me from being bored. Apparently Mom and Dad didn't care for the kicking of the seat or the "quit touching me"..."I'm not touching you"..and of course the every day good ole stand-bys -"I have to pee"....and..."how much longer 'till we get there?"

When we were kept busy looking for various State license plates or finding signs with the a-z alphabet letters in them, we forgot we were bored ~ at least for 15 minutes!

However..some games are not to be played...especially with adults.
A friend of mine (age 55) and one of her equally ancient friends recently made a trip to Gatlinburg (about 6 hours) and her friend suggested they play a game to pass the time. (Conversation must be over-rated by some)

The game was...stay with me now....to try to find the numbers 1 through 100 on signs and license plates....in order. The numbers had to be in order within the license plate or sign..i.e. license plate has 14236...if they were looking for 23..it is within the license plate and in the correct order.
(This would drive my 38 year-old OCD nephew WILD)

They started this lovely game at 10 a.m...arrived in Gatlingburg (aka World's Largest Gargage Sale) at 4:15 p.m. and they were only at the number 34!

My friend was so "over" playing this game that she was about ready to scream.
It seemed as though any time they started discussing a somewhat interesting topic, the soon-to-be-ex traveling companion would scream "there!...there!! Number 12! Write that down!!" She would get so excited, she would nearly drive off the side of the road.

It seems as though playing the game TO Gatlinburg wasn't enough for Ms. Drive-by-numbers woman. She insisted they try to attain the game goal of 100 before reaching the Ohio border on their return! She claims it hadn't been done in less than 9 hours by anyone east of Alaska or some fool "made-up" story. Maybe she was hoping to submit thie accomplished feat to the "Guinness Book of World Records"
(Although someone would have to had been drinking a lot of the Guinness to appreciate this..don't 'cha think?)

All I know is that my poor friend has returned walking aimlessly with a dazed sort of far-a-way look in her eyes. She keeps mumbling "I'd rather play bingo..I'd rather play bingo."

Ah, to be a child again...sigh.....

Look at the Expecting Parents

Here are two of my favorite people.
My nephew Sean (he's the one with the goofy cap on bakcwards) and his wife, Annie-belle.
They are expecting a third child-like addition to their present family of four in just a few weeks.
5 year-old Griffin seems pretty excited to welcome his soon-to-be-born baby sister by showing her how to play Pac-Man and 1 year old Cooper is pretty excited...well...he's excited just to eat his breakfast and walk three steps into trouble.

It is so fun to anticipate another little set of tiny hands, feet, arms, legs, eyes, ears, etc. (I ran out of sets..and I've mis-placed my anatomy book)
Now please understand that there hasn't been a Murphy female born for 55 years.
There has been wonderful boy-children born but now is the time to think "pink".
I believe Annie has already received enough pink presents to start her own consignment shop called "Plenty of Pink".

There have been plenty of cute (and not so endearing) names for this already loved baby bantered about but the parents tell the "well-meaning-suggesters" that if they weren't in the room at conception, they don't get a vote.
I've tried bribing them with a trust fund for the little one (no, I'm not beyond bribery!) if they name her Margaret Mary Elizabeth Murphy because me, my Aunt, my Grandmother and my Greatgrandmother were all named Margaret Mary Murphy. I TOLD them they could CALL her whatever they want....Felicity or Brumhilda...whatever.

Of course, the 11 cameras (in case the first 10 malfunction)are already charged up
and ready to capture the little one complete her first yawn. I know she'll wink at me first and that may help with the trust fund issue.

But I'm just hoping I'll still be around to watch her beat Michelle Wie at the Women's U.S. Open Golf Tournament.

Whoops..that reminds me..the one thing I haven't bought her yet..her first (pink) golf glove!! Gotta go!

Who won the "Run for the Roses"?

Hey, did you see the Kentucky Derby?








Every year I make a "friendly wager" with a friend of mine as to the winner of the "most-watched-less-than-two-minutes-of-sports-event".

I read about all 20 of the horses. And I mean I poured over EVERYTHING I could get my hands on about this race for the red flower because after last year's horse-that-had-no-chance-in-purgatory win, one must take every horse as a serious contender.

I studied information about the owners, trainers, sires, madams, linament used, breakfast eaten, number of stitches in the saddle, etc. like I was cramming for a college final.
For the past week I labored so hard over the review of every fool statistic & odds prediction, that I had to make a quick trip to Walmart to get my EYE-glasses Rx increased.

I watched all the hokey interviews with everyone including the second-cousins of the neighbors of the horse's owners"...as well as the entire 4 hours of drawn-out coverage before the final race of the day at the "beautiful, magnificent, phenomenal, pefectly-manicured Churchill Downs."

I was so excited, I couldn't eat a thing but I was downing my favorite beverage (water..what else were YOU thinkin'?) at an Olympic record pace of 2 liters every 10 minutes.

Nature was calling and that's not one call you want to put "on-hold". I waited and waited because I didn't want to miss anything...the parade of the horses into the paddock...the mounting of the horses by the jockeys...the interviews (AGAIN for the 30th time) of the owners as they paraded (not nearly as well as the horses parade) to their respective viewing seats...
and I finally couldn't keep my "caller" waiting any longer...

I must have been too long in MY paddock.

I returned to my couch only in time to watch a woman with a microphone make a ridiculously poor attempt to interview the winning jockey, as both of them were bouncing up and down so much that I could barely interpet every 13th word!

I was stunned...almost in tears as I realized that I had missed the entire flippin' race!

I think that this is the last Kentucky Derby I will invest ANY time in.

The worse thing is..after all that, I owe Sue Blum 10 cents.

Run For The Roses.....Really?

Now, come on. I know there is a lot of hype about the Kentucky Derby and I've heard the famous phrase "Run for the Roses" 12,000 times. And at the end of the race, the photo opp shows the horse draped with a blanket of 2,456 roses.
First, I wonder if all the thorns have been removed.

Second and more importantly...does anyone really think the horse, the horse's owner, the trainer, or the jockey care one hoot about these roses? Does one of these afore-mentioned people dream about getting this horse and jockey adorned with this flower in the height of allergy season?

Who thought of this as a prize? Don't you think they are much more interested in the prize money? There is $2 MILLION dollars at stake here!! But I'm sure the horse and jockey are running their whipped butts off for a whiff of these enticing roses.

How do they get 20 horses to get that excited over this long stem thorny flower?

I hope they give them lots of Nasal spray...

and by the way..does anyone remember the last 3 winners of the Kentucky Derby and what the winning ticket paid out? Or is this race just a race for the mint julip?

I'm betting on the 4th horse...I like the name.

Now I am going to water my daisies..now THAT'S a flower worth racing for!

Earn a Degree at the Pool

I just returned from spending a month at Disneyworld for "mature" adults...and when I say "mature", I'm not talking emotionally ~ I'm talking OLD. One cannot buy property at The Villages near Orlando unless one is 55+ years.
(note: yes I am 55 but I am not mature!)

The Villages is an area that covers almost 30 square miles and has 50,000 active seniors riding around in golf carts and playing every game known to mankind.
As a resident there you have the honor of paying $125/month to have access to all the 1200 free weekly activities from softball to billiards to water volleyball to bingo to tennis and bocci ball and pickelball to air rifle to country line dancing to accessing some 32 restaurants that have REALLY Happy Hours!

There are 21 swimming pools...13 of them are strictly "ADULT ONLY"..and they are serious when they say ADULT...one has to be 30 years old to dangle their toe in those pools.
The 7 "family pools are for the youngins' visiting but there is a rule that no one under 21 can stay more than 3 weeks..(at the Villages, not the pool)

Since I was renting a condo (called a "villa" there...much classier I presume?)...I was considered a "resident" and had access to all the amenities. I took full advantage of the swimming pools and can now say I think I can apply to med school and be able to waive 90% of the classes and earn my M.D.

There are two kinds of adult pools...one either chooses to go to the "social" pool or the "exercise" pool and believe me, never the twain shall meet. I tried to swim a couple of laps in the social pool one day and a floating senior citizen sternly informed me in no uncertain terms that this pool was a social pool and if I wanted to exercise, I should paddle off to one of the exercise pools!

The "social"pools area where people hang out in their noodle floater chairs and talk, and talk and talk..and then you know what they do? They talk some more!
And the subject "du-jur" was ALWAYS health-oriented....operations...Doctor reviews and recommendations...what size tube was stuck where for what test...what medications have what side effects...what over-the-counter recipe is better for warts...what works best for sexual dysfunction..and then I got out of the pool.

I'm happier now dancing in the privacy of my home to Richard Simmons' "Jiggling to The Oldies"....I don't need an M.D. degree right now...just a few inches off my hips, thank you.

Strangest jobs

I just read that the Kentucky Derby is increasing their security for their horses.
I thought it meant that they were going to leave a night light on in their stall so they didn't get upset and suffer night-"mares" (get it? night-"Mares"?)

Or maybe they will provide an extra security blankey for them....

NOPE...
They are hiring full time attendants to stand by their stall !
Now how would you like THAT on your resume?

"And what do YOU do for a living?"

"I watch horses"...

I guess it's better than being paid to count cars to make sure the interection actually needs that traffic light...

or

Teaching yoga at a mens prison

or

"Corn-detassling"...yup..that really is a job. Feed corn has to reproduce by planting a male row of corn between two female rows. Someone gets to go up and downthose rows to de-tassle...

Aren't you glad you read this?

At least it was shorter than my other blogs!

Visiting Florida Weather Forecaster of the Year

I fell into the trap....
I crossed the Georgia border into Florida and I fell...
deep, deep, deep.

I just wanted to get away for a little while ~ away from the ringing phones, away from the 34 daily spam emails, away from the pressures of work, and the grind of keeping a showplace house-beautiful. I hadn't been feeling so great health-wise the last few weeks and I knew that going to SUNNY Florida would be just what the Doctor ordered.
(Actually, he didn't order it or I could have written off the whole trip from my taxes as a Prescription..darn it!)

Now..back to the big FALL into the proverbial trap...

I became...(oh, this is so hard to admit)..yes, I became...an obnoxious in-your-non-tanned-face perfect weather informer.

In the past, whenever I have spoken on the phone with a friend who has re-located from the north to the south, the first thing out of their mouth is the temperature and forecast. "It is a beautiful sun-shiny perfect 83.4 degrees with a slight gulf breeze that makes it perfect for boating, golfing, swimming, jogging, playing the flute outside, and tomorrow will even be better, if you can imagine!"
I have always wanted to hang up on such prattle, but manage to wait until I am off the phone to call them unsavory names.
I think that everyone who buys a home in Florida are required to take (and pass with honors) a meteorologist class.


So, back to me (MY favorite subject)....
As I was driving down south and realized that our car was in Lake City, Florida...I
uncontrollably spontaneously began to spew forth observations and predictions about the weather.

OK..then it really kicked in.
I bought an inside-outside thermometer before we even checked in to our rented condo.
When we arrived, I immediately called everyone north of Atlanta to leave annoying messages on their voice mail informing them of the incredible weather we were experiencing...and how they were NOT.

After we had been there 42 minutes and had unpacked most everything, I kicked into high "weather-alert" mode and drove to the nearest electronics store and purchased a $821. weather scanner so I could be Weather-Woman Informer Of The Year - knowing first hand the barometric pressure and the sea-worthiness of boating, etc. (we were staying 2 hours from either coast so boating was not in our plans)ok..this is all a lie and I hope know that....

I would awaken each morning with a job to do that I took very seriously, checking the thermometer, the scanner, the weather channels, the local and national paper's forecasts. (again, a fabrication)

There was even the time I completely lost my mind and called the USA Today and the CBS weather editors to inform them of their amateur errors in the forecast for Florida and that I would be happy to assist them for the next 3 weeks as a local weather correspondent.

I actually became so obsessed with this responsibility, that I was missing my swimming pool time....and trust me, there was no "Happy Hour" when I had to keep track of the possible cloud cover coming in two days.

I am now back at my Ohio home with no worries about the weather because I know the old saying "just wait 15 minutes and it will change"....I have cancelled my subscription to the monthly magazines, "Weather Forecasts Are US" and "Sunny Skies" because my time is being taken up with trying to lure some of my friends back who I annoyed.

Best Husband? Pediatrician?

Here I am - 55 an unmarried.
Maybe I should try this on-line dating service that boasts that they can get Kathy Griffin, Carrot-Top and Hannible Lecter a date...

But can they get ME a date?

When I think about the perfect mate, I think of an old boyfriend (yeah, by this time he is as old as I am)...and he became a PEDIATRICIAN.
Now when I dated him and we went to two high school proms together, he was barely out of diapers himself. (whoops..I don't mean he had a problem in that area, I was just trying to make a point that he had probably been in a Pediatrician's office just 4 years before we dated!)

Do you "freeze-frame" memories? It can be un-nerving...like, when you see a friend's child who was 6 the last time you saw him and now he is 22 and all that you can remember is seeing him swinging on the rope in his underwear over the pond in 1994?
Then you can't get over seeing that image in your mind's eye as you observe this now grown-up 6 yr-old bridegroom ready to take his wedding vows..whew!
That freeze-framing stuff can be really distracting!

So, back to my Pediatrician boyfriend...who is not..but anyway...
I freeze-frame a picture of John as he was in Latin class.
He wasn't anything like what I envision today a Pediatrician being, unless Pediatrician's hold their hand under their arm and squeeze violently to make funny noises..or hold pencil in their mouth and see if they can flip it in the air and catch it with their fingers. (Latin class was kinda relaxed. We had a substitute teacher most of the time as Sister Mary Sing-a-long was busy with the choral group a lot)

I freeze-frame John's nervousness and he gave me his first kiss..on the cheek.
I freeze-frame his goofy notes that he used to leave on my car where we both worked at the Ramada Inn kiddingly, asking me to marry him on July 4th.
I freeze-frame July 4th, coming out of work and having JUST MARRIED signs all over the decorated car and driving off hearing the 37 cans creating the biggest noise to be heard for miles.
I freeze-frame his humor, his wit, his gentleness and his love of life.
Ah, I guess he would have made a GREAT Pediatrician.

Do you think E-harmony.com has any Pediatricians?

Hmmm...the one I would probably get wouldn't take me to dinner and the theater.
Instead he may take me to see the movie, "Bambi" and give me a lollipop if I didn't talk during the show.

Back to the bars.....

Look the Other Way

My Mom always said, "Don't do anything that you would be ashamed of if it made headlines on tomorrow's newspaper's front page." That's a mouthful but I have always remembered it. I haven't always abided by it...

But I LOVE to judge others and want to race up to them with a copy of the morning paper with headlines on it to reflect their dastardly deed...

Example:
I witness a Mother literally dragging her 3 year old, hysterical, screaming child by a limp arm out the doors of a local grocery store.
"I NEED TO TEACH HER A LESSON", I think to myself.
I KNOW it is none of my business but I want to show her what COULD be HER headlines:
"Mother loses her mind and is thrown into jail for life for dislocating her innocent son's arm after he asked his Mother politely for a candy bar."
then when I would show the fantasy newspaper to the Mother. But wait..there is a twist to this fable...the Mother informs me that this "angel" raced up and down the aisles, arms flailing and knocking down 240 cans of dog food; then tried to STEAL 14 Snickers bars and proceeded to kick the manager as he attempted to calm the little rascal. The Mother continued to spew at me - This incident in the grocery was just one in a long line of fun happenings for her that day. By 9:14 a.m., her 5 month old had soiled the 4th outfit of the day; the dog had eaten Mom's new purse, along with her address book; and her 4 year-old had flushed the cat down their one and only toilet. The Vet and Plumber bills came to $368.54. Then she opened the mail to find she was being audited by the IRS for 3 years ago and thse records were accidentally destroyed by fire by ~ guess who? "angel-boy" ~ just two weeks ago. At that point, she decided to make a visit to the grocery's pharmacy to pick up her over-due anti-depressant medication when her "little darling" disrupted the shopping experience of those in the store.

I held up my hand to stop her from continuing and I managed to humbly whisper a "sorry 'bout your luck" and retreated back to my childless home that has white furniture that is used all the time ~ but still white...and 4 toilets that flush..no cats...and nice beds that are available for me to take a nap when I want.

I'm wondering if I missed the pearls of wisdom from Mom that suggested that I should mind my own business. New motto - "Their dog..their fleas"

Words Can Be Conflicting..er, I mean Confusing!

I love words. But there are certain nuisances...I mean nuances in variable..(whoops!)..I mean various verbage.
Sometimes phrases seem to use similar words but they mean something radially - I mean radically different.

Here is an example of two different men who want to share their heart-felt thoughts to their true love:
"When I look at you, time stands still."
or
"You have a face that could stop a clock."

My Dad was a grammarian. He loved our language and had a descretionery...I mean dictionery by his reading chair at all times. He had a vicious..I mean voracious appetite for learning, especially words ~ and he would never explain the meaning of a word..he would simply insist we "look it up"..

Here were a few of his hang-ups with the mis-trust, I mean mis-use of words:
Imply vs. Infer -
Imply - hint without stating directly..as in "I am trying to imply that your blog could be funnier"
Infer - to reach an opinion from facts or reasoning. as in....a blogger might infer from the above comment that they have a boring blog.

Aggrevate vs Annoy
Aggrevate - to worsen....as in.."I might have aggrevated my relationship with said blogger by telling them my opinion."
Annoy - to bother or provoke as in.."you annoy me with your silly comments about things you know nothing about!"

Anxious vs. Eager-
Anxious - Troubled; worried as in...It makes my family anxious to think there might be discourse within my readers.
Eager - having keen interest..as in..I am eager to read the next word of this fascinating epistle.

Founder vs Flounder
Founder - to fail completely..as in...He may founder at being a famous writer (vs. infamous) author.
Flounder - move with difficulty or clumsily. as in..the last person to flouder on the dance floor is Peggy.

Although this blog might have floudered just a bit..??
I am EAGER to understand what you all INFERRED from this rambling that was hopefully not ANNOYING.

Wow! That was enervating...nope...I mean energizing!

My kind of "Opening Day"

When the people of Cincinnati think OPENING DAY...
they conjure up pictures of a warm day in April, watching the first pitch being thrown out (by our illustrious President), hearing the crack of the bat at the Cincinnati Reds' Great American Ball Park. They think of the a pre-game wild celebration parade that puts the pseudo-leprechauns' party ways on March 17 to shame.
The smell of brats, popcorn, peanuts and stale beer is enticing the Reds' fans like American Idol to teenagers.

BUT..
MY Opening day is...TODAY! The CONE in West Chester opened at 11:30 a.m. and I just missed being the first customer by 212 ice-cream loving patrons who have been counting down the days when The Cone would re-opened. I met my Nephew's wife and 5 year old son there and we were all giddy as school kids (oh, Griffin IS a school kid), trying to decide which one of their 4576 flavors and various sundaes, sodas, shakes, flavored ice we should choose. Watching Griffin grin as he was spooning in his orange and vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles on the vanilla and rainbow sprinkles on the orange, was better than watching Barry Larkin hit four bases-loaded home runs against Pittsburgh.

Ah, my Opening Day..with the sweet smell of hot fudge.

Restaurant thoughts

I remember going to nice restaurants when I was just knee high to a very large grasshopper. My parents wanted to give my brother and myself exposure to the "ultimate dining experience" plus they couldn't afford a babysitter AND go out to dinner by themselves. (back then we didn't eat much...but that fact was rectified BIG TIME in later years!) Besides, "fast-food" restaurants didn't exist then! (exept our beloved White Castles)
I remember the very formal tuxedo-clad waiter offering French Onion soup...and I couldn't understand for the life of me the difference in a French onion from an American one. And why put it in a soup anyway?

Years ago you had 3 salad dressing from which to choose: Oil & Vinegar; bleu cheese and thousand island. Now, all eating establishments offer a house salad (which is a combination of the previously mentioned dressings); a balsmic vinegrette (oil & vinegar); gorganzola chees that is basically bleu cheese with a higher price tag, sweet & sour this; and peppercorn that, etc. Then they give you 3 lettuce leaves and 21 little tiny vegetables that one cannot recognize, all mixed with the other non-definable greens of some kind.

Lately I keep hearing the term "fresh sun-dried tomatoes" as some fancy perk on the side of the dish or on a salad...when I ask on the server where they would get such an item when it has been overcast and raining for the past 23 days, they kinda look at me funny.

And did you know that scrod is not an actual fish? It is a fisherman's term for the first (white fish) catch of the day thrown from the boat...It can be perch or cod or any white fish...so when a server tells me their scrod is the best in town ~I wonder..

Lobster..my two nieces-in-law (see picture above..aren't they cute?) can eat 32 pounds of lobster or crab legs at one sitting without blinking an eye. Although everyone around them is blinking, as the discarded shells are flying fast and furious so everyone within 40 feet in the restaurant has to duck for cover as they demolish the carcasses. But lobster is the Rumke of the sea-world. They are bottom feeders and eat anything and everything rejected and abandoned (I looked "discard" up in the thesaurus.) Yum. I've always thought that it's just the butter that people like. Put the same amount of butter on a carrot stick, charge $21.00/pound and I'm guessing we have a treat to stand in line for ~ or at least where nice clothes to enjoy it and pay someone 20% to lay it in front of you.

Why is it that lately the fancy restaurants are serving your meal on a plate with of unidentifiable colored sprinkles around the sides? Is the food not pretty enough that someone got the idea to decorate it like a 3 year old's coloring book? Personally, I believe some chef accidentaly spilled some extra spices on a plate at a fancy function once and it "caught on".

My friends get upset with me when we go out and I start to stack the dishes. I guess it is ingrained in me to be "Mommy's little helper". What the heck is the difference since the busboy is going to do the same thing behind the ornate fabric-covered walls where there is a similar disgusting, noisy, disorganized kitchen that we all enjoy at home?

Give me the Waffle House any day. They don't care if I stack the dishes and they have food on the menu I can pronouce.

Sorry, I'm a customer service rep so I can't help you!

THIS IS CRAZY! We are relying WAY too much on computers! I just called a company that automatically sends me their product every month. I just wanted to request that they suspend the normal auto-shipment for this month as I have more than I can handle right now.
First of all, I was on hold with their monotonous sterile message claiming "Your call is important to us..all representatives are serving other customers..please stay on the line and the next available representative will solve the world's problems; deliver Osama Bin Looney; find a diet that allows one to eat 5 pizzas a day and look like a run-way model..oh, and also manage to achieve world peace."

SO, I waited for this faceless service representative who wears an "S" on their shirt...10 minutes later, a not-so-cheery Super Rep (SR) answers, "How can I help you?"

OP (Optimistic Peggy) - "Oh, I have an easy one...I just need my normal auto-ship product to be held for the month of April."

SR: "Oh, I'm sorry (oh,really?) but our system is down so you'll have to call back later when it is back up."

IM (Irritated Me)- "When do you estimate that might happen?"

SR - "Dunno"..

IM - "How about if you just write down my name and account number and input it when it gets back up?"

SR - "How would I do that? Our computer system is down!" (like I either didn't HEAR her or I didn't UNDERSTAND her?)

IM - "So, let me understand the gravity of this situation...you have a computer system that is down and you have no idea when it will be operational...I was on hold for 10 minutes to procure assistance from a customer SERVICE representative..and now you suggest I call back..but don't know when...and be placed on hold again...and maybe not be helped again if the computer isn't fixed...all because you can't possibly WRITE DOWN my information?"

SR - "yup"

SIGH..WELL, maybe I don't need the product this particular company usually sends to me every month......
MOTIVATIONAL TAPES TO KEEP YOUR CUSTOMERS SATISFIED AT ALL COSTS

There is nothing like a comfortable couch!

I was watching a rented video yesterday called Just Like Heaven ~ which was a pretty good (chick) flick..I'll give it a 7.5 on scale of 1-10. This guy is attempting to rent a furnished apartment in San Francisco and the only thing he is interested in is the COUCH. He is recovering from the loss of his wife and he just wants to "veg-out".
This gave me pause to think about how I've felt about the couches that I have owned. Right now I am lucky enough to own three couches that have 3 separate and distinct (is that redundant..or repetitive?) personalities. But my favorite is the one in the lower level that has this smooth, soft micro-fiber feel and it is "L" shaped...having 3 places that kick a foot rest up for a real treat to the feet. It kinda cradles you as you sit back in it..almost a nurturing hug. And whether one person or 5 people are on the couch, it is comfortable and an encourages more intimate conversations. (like, "what were you doing when you lost your first tooth?")
Whether I want to read, watch TV, take a nap, the couch's entire existence is to be my relaxation slave..being good to me..what else can you say that about??

So many people try to get a good "deal" on couches and beds...spending as little as possible....buying ON SALE and not spending the time to become "one with your couch or bed". But if you're going to spend 1/3 of your life in bed and the other 2/3 on a couch, spend twice as much on the couch as the bed. My theory only.

Just give me a band aid!

I almost had a nervous breakdown in the first aid aisle at Krogers grocery store the other day. I went into the Pharmacy department to acquire an assortment box of band aids. I just wanted ONE box of different sizes band aids! That's all. That box would probably last me about 10 years worth of cuts, is my guess.
As I gazed upon the 5' X 15' jammed-packed shelves of various band-aid products, I felt like I was Alice in Alice in Wonderland when she fell down the hole...
the choices that I had were monumental ~ for one box of band-aids!!

Did I want: anti-biotic or not? Multi-color, flesh tone or sheer? Did I need advanced healing or normal slow healing? Did I want butterfly? Small, Medium, large, extra-large or gigundous?
Was I in the market for: flexible fabric; spot band-aids; knuckle-finger-tip; tough strips (vs. weak, flimsy strips I guess); blister (with or without cushions)...
maybe I wanted a liquid bandage (I couldn't figure out if I was supposed to DRINK it to relieve the pain?)
oh, then....eeeee gaaaads!
THE KIDS SECTION!
MORE CHOICES!
Hurt-free, non-stick (teflon coated,maybe?) band-aids (why is this only in the KIDS section? Shouldn't ALL of these products tout HURT-FREE??);
Our little ones who need a band-aid can be soothed by Batman, SpongeBob, or Scooby-doo to help dry the tears of a boo-boo; or maybe Dora the Explorer or Barbie or Care Bear can help ~ and we cannot forget we have Spiderman and Sesame Street characters to distract the pain!

At this point I was starting to hyper-ventilate over all the choices that I had. I was shaking from head to toe...the pharmacist happened to notice me as I was gasping audibly and apparently distracting other calmer customers. I found him rather rude when he asked if I was waiting for an anxiety medication prescription to be filled.
That remark slapped me into shape and I proceeded to calmly grab the first roll of gauze and tape I could find, headed for the wine department, paid for my purchases and drove home...all the while promising myself I would be very careful around the house not to need any kind of first aid. Although I keep thinking back that Scooby-doo would look kinda cute on my arm...

One Lousy Day

When one says they have a bad day, I always think, "Compared to what?"
Compared to what the people in foreign countries are going though with the threat of bombs ripping there homes apart? Compared to the victims of earthquakes, hurricanes, flooding and mudslides? I think I get this attitude from my Mother (yep, get out the amateur psychologist manual)...........when I would balk at eating my lima beans, she would lay the GUILT on me by saying "The starving children in Africa would lOVE those lima beans!" Well, first of all, I was 5 years old and I didn't know where Michigan was, not to mention Africa! I had never seen someone starving, so in my reality...it didn't exisit. My world consisted of whether I would get to see Howdy Doody or not...and what time my Dad was coming home from work and whether my brother would let me play "war" with his toy soldiers or not.
If I were "blogging" then...those would be my subjects and my limit to a bad day would include the loss of those privileges.

As an adult, my bad day yesterday consisted of:
Finding my car had a flat tire as I was racing out the door to go to a Doctor's appointment to see if they can find why I have been sick for 3 months..
Finally getting to the Doctor to only be stuck by the needle of Doctor Dracula for the 4th time to "run just ONE more blood profile".
then getting a call from my accountant to tell me I shouldn't have bought that new car last February....and that if I sell it I MIGHT have enough to cover my tax bill.

But all that pales in comparison to the call I got from my nephew's 6 month pregnant wife, Annie (she multi-tasks as one of my best friends) to tell me she is taking their 5 year old, Griffin, to the hospital due to a high fever...(I don't recall the exact temperature because anything over 98 degrees is going to be 156 degrees in my mind)
Of course, I react calmly...(HA!...I had the Irish whiskey off the shelf and, of course, I would forego the use of a glass). Frustration is knowing since my illness has not been definitively diagnosed, I should not be around a pregnant woman or vulnerable children so I had to wait it out...in the comfort of my home.
Waiting for the word on an ill loved-one or the results of a medical test is a killer...it should rank among the top stressors of all....

I called Annie's cell phone abut 64 times, thinking she could put me on speaker phone so I could help the Doctors make their diagnosis. Thank God, Griffin is ok...his temperature near normal..
but he's got a strep throat. That can be managed..

Todayis another day...
I'm off to pick up my car from the shop...and ~ at least I have the money to pay my taxes..and I'm sure I just have a bad case of the flu...and my family is healthy again. Life is God...whoops...I meant GOOD ..must have been a blessed slip of my typing talents,eh?

Erasers can be handy at tax time

Ah, to be a kid again and use pencils with big, fat erasers at the tip...I could just erase my mistakes away, never to be seen again. When I was in grade school, I was an eraser freak (as opposed to what I am now....a "Blogger" freak..and please, no comments as to what other adjective you can think of in the "freak catagory).

I used to love the brand-new, crisply sharpened pencils with their clean, never-marked, eraser. Once the eraser tip got dark smudges on it, I would be hunting for the next clean mistake-evaporator.

I would get those little eraser nubbies all over my paper-work and at the end of the day, there was a pile of little eraser dandruff looking up at me from beneath my desk.
I felt a glow of accomplishment if the pile reached the top of my shoe.

Back then, making a mistake on paper was easily rectifiable..no big deal..use a little wrist action with the pencil eraser and life if good....a rare ability to start fresh....with a "clean slate" as it were. Boy, oh, boy..wouldn't I love to do that in real life?

If you read my blog from a couple of weeks ago, you would note that I was in ecstasy heaven when I discovered the magic of the Mr. Clean eraser. I used that puppy on every white wall between here and the river.
And those new Tide erase sticks! I couldn't wait to spill something on my white blouses! I felt like I had been "beamed-up, Scotty"!

In adult-hood I have found I long for more magic like our friend, the eraser.

If I had a magic eraser, I would erase:
Wars....hunger...homelessness.....violence...greed....broken hearts...the last 3 touchdowns that Pittsburgh scored against the Bengals....the mortgage....Osama Bin Loony-tune;....beauty pagents....cleft palates.....beets....any hurt that I caused anyone......
and maybe just a couple of zeroes from the total tax bill I owe this year.

I Have a Lot in Common with the Amish

Amish people seem to be widely misunderstood. (Most people don't understand ME, either!) Of course, we all seem to believe tha that anyone who is "different" than we are MUST be weird, strage or crazy. When I lived near Boston, I visited an Amish community and gained a bit more of an understanding and appreciation of their lifestyle. Many of their beliefs and methods make sense when scrutinized.

They are a descendants of the Mennonites, who are in turn, a descendant of the Catholic religion. (I can tell that because the Amish have different rules depending upon the community itself. Some allow for the use of a 12 volt battery or basic generators or phones if they are outside the house....some have even split with their community over arguing the width of a man's hat brim!)

Being raised Catholic I rather understand why some would separate from their teachings. And the whole non-technology use that they believe in, I can work with.
I certainly am technologically-challenged, needing assistance with turning on my hair-dryer ~ or a light switch..and trying to keep track of all the remotes for my numerous TV's and video contraptions is beyond my grasp of understanding. Using the microwave is like learning how to fly a 747, ..so I just eat fruits and veggies. (Or swing by McDonalds for a tasty, healthy treat)

Their views on dressing simply to avoid attention would be easy enough for me to implement. My clothes right now are like a uniform, in that I wear the same thing that is comfortable again and again....and no one ever compliments me on my style of clothes....so they must not call much attention to me. A friend of mine who married an Amish man, said she couldn't abide wearing the "coffee filters" on her head (HER words,not mine) ~ black "prayer hat" if you're single and white if you're married. Black is an ok color for me so I wouldn't mind.


The only trouble I might have is with the transportation issue. I'm not good with horses. One kicked me in the side when I was 13 years old and two weeks later I suffered a burst appendix and was given the last rights (The Catholics changed the name of that like they change everything else..it is now the "Sacrament of the Sick".)
I've been skiddish of horses ever since. Maybe I could get a team of dogs to pull my buggy...I'd need no oil changes or tire rotations...just a ton of dog food.
I DO like and rely on my car...it gets me where I want to go pretty quickly ~ like to the movie theater..only 10 minutes by car...about 6 hours by buggy. And I don't think I would be allowed to go in (the electricity thing).


One of the biggest reasons that I can relate to the The Amish ~ their members don't believe in vaccinations and isn't it interesting that their children (they average 7 per family due to no allowance of any birth control) have NO AUTISM!
Could that be a coincidence? With over 200,000 Amish in this country?

Of course, I want it all...all the comforts of electriciy ~ and the handy communications with my cell phones and computer emails...the useful zippers, velcro and buttons that I take for granted. But I have an admiration for people who value their religion and family to the point of heavy-duty denial of modern conveniences.

I am now going to eat my microwaved popcorn in front of my 50" TV and watch a rented movie on my DVD player while ironing my new purchase (on sale) royal blue slacks with a zipper.

Here, Kitty KItty...let me show you the door...

Cat lovers unite! But not in MY house! I get conned (whoops, I mean PURSUADED) to care for a friend's cat when they travel annually to Mexico for three weeks. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not a total un-feline person. If the cat is a kitten and at someone else's house and they are playing with the obligatory string...I laugh until my dentures fall out. But grown cats and their shedding of hair is obnoxious at best.

Cat owners think that cats are "mysterious" and those whackos who own more than one of these dreaded animals think they each have their "own, unique personality". I don't know about you, but I've never heard a cat tell a good joke, or ask me how my day went..or even do well at charades. The only mysterious thing about cats is how they know to "do their business" in the sand...So,what do outside cats do? Do they all migrate to the coastal beaches? And that's another thing..you never see cats on the beach so is it the sand that makes them "eliminate" or is the animal easily hypnotized to step on granules of sand for relief?
Can you imagine the condition of our beaches if humans did that??

Hairballs is another interesting phenomenon with cats. Is there any other animal that coughs up it's own hair ...in a BALL? When no one is looking do you think they get together with other cats and play a little one-on-one? Maybe try their paws at putting with it? UGH!

And the infernal MEOW-ing and rubbing of their furry bodies against my newly dry-cleaned slacks. It's a dern amusement park, for sure! Fun, Fun!

Next visit, I will again, have to have my carpets, furniture and clothes cleaned..I will have to fumigate the house from the odors left behind..and I will have to un-clog the vacuum cleaner attachments.

At least when my friends returned from Mexico, they brought me a thank-you t-shirt. It had the cutest picture of a Mexican kitten on the front and it said, "Hug a Cat Care-Giver" ..
would that be before I cleaned up the hair ball or after?
Everyone should own a dog.

Give me a LITTLE credit, for gosh sakes!

Everyone knows that finance charges occur when one does not pay the balance on their credit card. But I just learned this little known fact after 55 years. The credit card companies have been sending me cards left and right (ok, not really left and right..just in my mailbox which is near the driveway)..and then they send me checks to write against my account and they claim I can spend as much money as I want and I'll be charged 0% interest!! WOW! a FREE loan?? Christmas every day! I thought "how nice of this big company to do this for lil ole me! I must be special! Sometimes they do charge a LITTLE interest for 6 months...maybe 3-5%..still great stuff! Because of my new best friends with the credit card companies, I have bought a new car; new TV; camera; airline tickets to Europe for the family;re-enrolled in college to get my Masters degree;..I TRIED to buy a new house but I guess that put me a LITTLE over the "limit". Bummer.

THEN I awakened from my land of lala. I noticed that the formerly low, low interst rates shot WAY up..
Maybe they wanted me to help build each home office a new wing somehow with my interest contributions. I also saw that two cards had an annual fee. What? I'm going to pay $35.00 for the PRIVILEGE?? to carry their card so they can bankrupt me with their HIGHER than Joe Cocker finance charges? GRRRRRRR...

Of course, I put on my best "Nanny" tee shirt to get in the mood of intolerance to anything but what I wanted to achieve...and I started dialing. Out of the 4 credit card companies that I contacted, the two with annual fees dismissed the fee upon hearing that I wanted to cancel my card. (I've never been called "Miss Murphy in such a sweet way since the restaurant manager asked me not to sue when I found a finger in my chili) Three of the four consumer-friendly companies lowered their ridiculous finance charges 3+ points or more (one lowered the rate 7 points) and the other one...well, let's just say I don't carry THAT particular card anymore.
Then I called my cable company and cellular phone company continuing with my threatening attitude to have them comply with my demands..or as a Jerry Springer guest once said, "I gave them a verbatim"
What a great day I had! Power surged thru every cell...
now I have to figure out how to pay off the balance of these fool cards so I don't even care what the finance charges are!
Goodbye Home Shopping Network!

I Forget the Subject of This Blog

Ah! MEMORY PROBLEMS!
When I awakened this morning I had an entirely different idea as to what I was going to "blog" about...(is blog a verb?)
Two hours later, I have no idea what that subject was.

I guess I could make a million excuses (don't we love hyperbole?) but in fact, I sometimes have a bad memory. And THAT, my friends/relatives/acquaintances and strangers, is an excuse in and of itself. When we don't pay attention to someone's looooong drawn-out stories (Brian) and then later have no clue as to what was said, we can always say, "See? I told you I had a bad memory!"

Yet, I get the most frustrated when someone doesn't remember some pearls of wisdom that I droned on about.

Oh, the insight I am illuminated with! Thank you, Lord!
(Oh, I remember now...I was going to talk about CATS...I'll bet you can't wait for that one!)

Skinny "Something"

Who hasn't started a diet...er, I mean new healthy "eating plan"? (I guess I can't say DIET because the first three letters are DIE...at least that's what the manual of the $99.00 "eating plan" says)
I've started at least 210 new "eating plans" in my 55 years on this earth. (do the math..that is about 2/year!) If the weight I lost was coal, we could keep half of Alaska warm for 30 days. If you count the weight I gained back, Alaska heats up for all 12 months.

Ok, so now I am trying no gimmicks like the all grapefruit diet; the all milk dud diet; the liquid diet (I almost killed 3 friends and a cat on that one!). I am just countinig calories and exercising. What a new concept!

So, the good news is...I've lost my first 5 pounds. I can't see a difference anywhere important on my body (even though I know that 5 lbs. is significant..at least when I pick up a 5 lb. bag of potatoes!)
I was so excited about losing the "bag of potatoes" that I confided in a (formerly) close friend ~ her response was so encouraging (NOT) when she said, "Well, you know the first loss is water weight!"
Don't you think a person with 210 diets under their belt (giggle..that was funny!) would know about the well-known "water weight loss"???....she could have been a little more encouraging!

Well, I DO see one bit of difference....in my fingers. My rings are spinning. Great..do you think anyone will notice that? My fingers,toes and ears are probably the ONLY part of my body that does NOT need slimming down. And those are the areas the "water-weight loss" decided to attack on first. Trust me, if I wore clip-on earrings, I guarantee that they would start to fall off. My socks even seem roomier now. Will anyone notice??? Like with my..er, other parts that MATTER?..nothing! ZIP, NADA, ZERO... Can't the sluffing fat SEE where the heck I want it to fall first?
I wish I could have a priority wish list as to which part of the anatomy gets trimmed first. I KNOW it's not going to be my targeted areas first!

OH, Peggy...deep breath..calm down...I think I'll go munch on a celery stalk...without cheese,
and hope I don't lose my rings, earrings or socks.

Petticoat Junction

We are having a little girl addition to the Murphy Family in June. Between the many relatives and friends who have already purchased little frilly dresses, jumpers and shoes (all PINK) you won't find much now at our local Babies 'R Us. It seems like everything I see now has a sweet, feminine ruffle to it. Even the bag of Broccoli that I bought last week has a foo-foo name - "florets"...I am eating "Florets!"
Annie (the future Mom of the new female addition) has made it clear that she will not allow any diaper showing on her newborn when she wears her dresses ~ and that is ALL she is allowed to wear!...So, all garments must include a cute ruffled bloomer or petticoat.
I can remember wearing those fool things ~ maybe we should bring them back for adults? What do you think, ladies? Want to feel like you have a terminal case of poisen ivy again? (I know they don't scratch like they did in the dark ages of my youth)
I'm going to eat a broccoli "floret" now.

I'm Living On A "Remote" Island

I am remote "challenged". Even if the remote has two buttons, I will push the wrong one. I have a MINIMUM of 15 remotes around this house serving 7 TV's, many video recorders-type units, numerous ceiling fans, fireplaces and a video camera. My car even has a remote start to it that I've never learned to use. In fact, I can't work any of them effectively. The fact that I have so many electronics around here is scary. I dream that they might all come alive because they have been thrown in frustration so many times. They then all line up and all my electronics start up simultaneously. This is crazy. There should be a "Remote School" for us technically challenged idiots.
I tried to return to my childhood days of getting up from the couch to change the TV station at the TV, but I can't find the dial there! The string to the ceiling fan has long-ago been ripped down and well.....maybe the 21st century electronic inventions and Margaret Mary just don't mesh well.
Whoops..time for dinner. After dinner, I will put the remains in the garbage disposal or trash compacter but first, I have to go microwave it...I know how to do that!

I'm Cleaning Up My Act!

I dry my hair every morning, sitting on my bed ~ and staring at the same dirt mark on the white wall that I have stared at for years. When one has white or near-white walls throughout the house, one gets used to seeing marks on the wall. It's almost like someone in prison who "marks their time" on the wall...only there are little marks in EVERY ROOM! There now exist little hand prints (they are actually kinda cute) and scuff marks on the walls from people going downstairs to the lower level who don't know how to not bump into a wall.
So, I finally decided to do something aboutall these marks. Enough is enough! I went to the cupboard and found a present my nephew, Sean Michael, had left when he lived here for a short while. Mr. Clean Magic Eraser! This little eraser is supreme! I was running around the house like a mad woman...almost possessed... erasing marks that I had ignored for many, many moons. Every room in the house is now Mr. Cleaned! I even went to the garage walls...now they are as clean as the proverbial whistle!
Then I couldn't be stopped....I dropped in on 12 of my neighbors and cleaned THEIR walls. Oh, it was so invigorating! Everyone was so overwhelmed! No one really acted like they wanted me there but I'm sure they were just embarrassed that their walls were so dirty like mine had been.
I took it with me when I went out to breakfast and I'm CERTAIN the management at Frisches were impressed with how it worked. They kept shaking their heads in amazement...at least I THINK that's why they were shaking their heads!
Be careful how you use Mr. Clean, because it can become addictive. I'm writing this from a very white room in a strange part of a hospital that a nice policeman took me to when the management of Walmart called him over to see the great job I had done on the walls at the Sporting Goods section. He told me the place that would REALLY appreciate my good deed, that had a LOT of white walls was this hospital! I think the staff here can't believe how well Mr. Clean works as they too are all shaking their heads in disbelief. At least they took off the funny, restrictive coat they had on me so I could write to you all about this product. I wonder if I could do a commercial? I wonder if I'll ever get out of here?

Exercising My Rights

Ok, today marks the day. Today I start really exercising...tomorrow I may be in the hospital. I talked with a friend of mine who endured a surprise 50th birthday party and she had to attend her own party with quite a boo-boo on her chin. She had fallen off her treadmill the week prior! She kinda went bumpity-bump like a cartoon character and has been suffering the ridicule (and bruising) ever since.
The last time I seriously worked the stair climber, I tore the ligament in my ankle so badly, I had to have surgery and the ankle has never been the same since then. Whenever I start a shape-up program, I tear my shoulder, or my back goes out or I get the hiccoughs. Do you think I just don't want to do this??
Well, I'm doing it this time for sure, whether my insurance rates go up or not..I want to be able to play with my 3 (soon to be 4) great-little ones. Yesterday I was at a playground with 5 year old Griffin and he wanted me to go down the slide....HA! He would have had a better chance if he had asked me to enter a couch-sitting contest. My nephew Sean is challenging me to a ping-pong match and I will accept this challenge....in June..
My other nephew Brian has been working out successfully for the past 3 months and has inspired me.
So now I am dusting off the Richard Simmons' DANCING TO THE OLDIES tapes and starting my deep breathing with stretchy-band things to tone. I am going to soon be the Biggest Loser!
Anyone want to challenge me? (other than my insurance agent?)
Stay tuned!

And The Oscar For Best Picture Goes to -

Don't you agree this should be best picture of the year? Brothers are We was released April1, 2005...and apparently the producers are coming out with a sequel in June called Brothers Terrorize Their Baby Sister. I believe they have enlisted the same director and the stage hands are ready in the wings. I have seen this picture 125 times and never fail to laugh, cry, and experience every emotion known to woman, including the proverbial head-shake of disbelief. To this critic, it seems as though the picture is a miracle. I can't wait to see this one in person!

Love means never having to say you're Sorry???

Oh, dear. Oh, gosh oh gollee. Oh, what a goofball I can be from time to time.
I said the words that I have always dreaded from others:
"SO, WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD FROM YOU FOR A WHILE? IS YOUR HAND BROKEN? CAN YOU NOT SPARE A 3 MINUTE PHONE CALL TO TALK WITH A FRIEND? ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE?"
Ok, I didn't say all those things but I think I said something that could have been construed as almost as bad.
It turned out that she had been battling a huge problem on her family home front and was up to her eyelashes with trying to help her son thru quite a challenging "situation"...and here I am calling to put her on a guilt trip. No wonder I hadn't heard from her!
I used to have some grief given to me by my Mom, when on occasion, she would get on my case for not writing or calling enough when I was in college or living in Boston. My mature response was, "Love means never having to say you're sorry".....I always liked using trite phrases to suit me when it was in my better interest to do so. I would also tell her that if she started a conversation chastising me for something, it was a waste of time and also didn't encourage me to call again anytime soon. Who wants to get blasted in the first few minutes of a conversation??
So, it wa a good lesson for me. Life doesn't revolve TOTALLY around me.
And I have no trouble saying, "I'm sorry"..

Simon Says: Put your Hand Over your Mouth

Simon Says is such a fun game, if you have a fun group who is ready to play.

Yesterday I was to address a group from The Council on Aging, a group of 385 people who had been bored to pieces for the previous 3 hours tolerating the subject of Understanding Regulations That Will Affect Senior Citizens and The Health Care Industry. They were still eating lunch when I was shoved up to the podium to "lighten their load" for an hour with my witty, clever banter about injecting light-heartedness into the lives of their fellow-workers and "senior-citizen" clients. I think they were still digesting their food when my nephew Sean interrupted my speech to play Simon Says. (yes, this was planned..he isn't THAT much of a microphone hog!). Thanks heavens we had the right SIMON leading this group. I didn't exactly have the audience eating from my hand (since they already had a plate full of food) with my first 15 minutes.....and I welcomed the playfulnes that Sean brought forth to the group. After his fun, energetic 5 minute game, the crowd was soooo much more lively! Yippee!
The whole point of my talk was that we can all benefit from" lightening up"and even allowing the child within to come out and play.
The average 5 year old laughs 400 times a day. The average 35 year old laughs 15 times a day.
What happened to the other 385 laughs? and if a 35 year old only laughs 15x/day....how about an 80 year old??
I think the group had quite a giggle with our silly little game...and then they were more receptive to the second half of my talk. We went on to share other ways to spread fun throughout the day. Like maybe give a lottery ticket to a grocery check-out clerk and thank her for her standing on her feet all day. Or maybe, give $1.00 tip to the bus boy who works hard at the restaurant with NO positive feedback.
Or write a funny note to your mail carrier, thanking them for not losing your mail.
Get out on that playground yourself today. It's a nice day to smile.